Three Sheets to the Pork Rinds

He should get together with Chris Buttars. He’s sick of having it crammed down his throat. That way they could get it from both ends.

Meanwhile, Cockermouth is flooded. It’s been biblical. No news yet from Gobbling.

Perfect fall football and tailgating weather for the Big Game with gloriously clear blue skies over the Bay Area, a bright sun and current temps in the low 50s. Temps will be in the 60s by kick-off. Time for the axe to come back to The Farm and a Heisman to go to The Tree.

Beat Kal.

Sodomite college.

SODOMITE. COLLEGE.

In other sporting news, Demrats have now locked in their epochal procedural vote tonight.

The KKK should try burning the student body president in effigy – after all, the teabaggers assured us that it wasn’t a threat or anything. :)

@SanFranLefty: Did you score any tix for the game?

@Dodgerblue: Nope. Too expensive. Plus I’ve got my own sport to play this afternoon down the street from The Game. The Arizona-Ducks game tonight will be good to watch too.

SanFranLefty: Scalpers for a Stanford game. I mean — Big Game always sells out, but they had doubts, even after last week’s beat down of U$C. Intriguing news, that.

Yr Rose Bowl scenarios:

Stanford takes the Rose Bowl bid with a win —

and Arizona beats Orygun but loses one of their next two (ASU, U$C) —

and Orygun beats the Beavers in two weeks.

(That made my head hurt. But also: note that rooting for Wazzu against the Beavers tonight is also helpful, in ways that I am incapable of describing with any competency, particularly because Wazzu is piss-poor thus making a win incredibly unlikely. So there.)

But nothing happens without us beating Cal. It’s a nice place to begin.

(Incidentally: ABC taking Oregon-Arizona shows that they have no sense at all. Pity.)

Will be at bar watching with other Stanford types, so nothing from me beyond BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF CAL.

And even GoogleAds is in — promo for Cal gear on this fair site. It’s on now.

Off to Lincoln Park now. So: it is your thoughts that now must deck our kings — carry them here and there, jumping all times… turning the accomplishment of many years into an hourglass.

For the wit supply, I’ll admit y’all, Chorus to the history — who, prologue like, my attention is paid… gently to hear, kindly to judge, Big Game!

UCLA is leading ASU at the half. If we win this and beat the Spoiled Children next week, we’ll go to a bowl game and USC won’t. Sweeeet.

The Tree needs to pull their heads out of their asses. How do you miss that field goal? How did you let that Kal dude run so far? If you can beat Donald Duck and Trojans, there’s no excuse for this.

@Dodgerblue: Well, it seems that Washington State, Orygun, and Stanford have softened up U$C for Uklah to put in the final punch.

No Rose Bowl shellacking for The Tree this year.

@JNOV sez hit Vick in the head witta battery: It ain’t over.

@Dodgerblue: Psychotic staredown commences…

TOBY!

OHHHHHH!!!

@#$@#%@#

Did anyone else experience the Campus Crusade for Christ? The reverend Jed Smock? He would set up on our central quad in front of the library, and start screaming that the U of Florida was a “hotbed of Fornication,’ which he drew out in a wonderful way, Fooooorniiiii caaaaay shuuuun. He would tell a wonderful story about how he found Jesus at a Vaaaaaaan Haaaaylen Coooncert. And how he converted his chief disciple and wife, Sister Cindy, when she fell to her knees in the Crystals (southern version of White Castle) parking lot.

Now our school colors are orange and blue, yes, a subtle combo, and our biggest football cheer in the stadium was when opposite sides of the stadium would try to outdo each other, chanting “orange” on one side, and “blue” on the other. Just keep this in mind, I will come back to it.

This quad area in front of the library was a central gathering place for kids who werent in a class at any given time, especially at lunch time, because the Hari Krishnas came every day and gave away a free lunch (they asked for a 40 cent donation) and for 40 cents you got a lump of rice vaguely scented with curry and sometimes with some lumps of unidentifiable vegetables, but always, a wonderful slab of a sweat bread-cake thing, bannana bread, nut bread, this part was always really good, and you got a paper cup of some kind of natural cool-aid, which was OK, and I ate lunch on the Hari Krishnas almost every day, they fed hundreds, hey, a dollar saved at lunch, was half a pitcher that night.

But the cool thing was, you not only got lunch for next to nothing from the Hari Krishnas, there was this street theater going on with Brother Jed, and it was fun, if you were in the mood to get involved, because you could join in and interact and debate Jed, he would goad people on, single out someone walking by because of their evil state of attire (dolphin shorts and teeshirts were all chicks wore to class, guys wore shorts and t shirts).

So a crowd of people, in the hundreds, would gather in a circle around the reverend jed Smock, and he would spin around and point out people in the crowd, and tell them that they were whores and whoremongers, these words also taking an amazingly long time for him to pronounce, with this amazing vibrato, drawn out rolled “r”s in whore and whoremonger and fornication, and the word “hell” pronounced with anywhere from 3 to 5 syllables in it, as only the southerners can perform that trick of turning vowels into diphtongs, tripthongs, quidriphenia-thongs. “you’re all going to buuuuurrrrnnn in Haay-uuhhh-elllll-ehhh-uuhhhh.”

We would cheer if he mentioned our particular dorm as a hotbed of fornication, but the best was when the crowd would start up a chant, just like in the stadium where we chanted “orange” and “blue,” but instead we would chant “oral,” “anal,” “oral,” “anal.”

Good times.

JNOV sez hit Vick in the head witta battery: OK. Stanford’s defense — apart from two or three goal-line stands, blew donkey dick tonight. But here’s my thing:

You got Toby Gerhart. What the HELL are you doing throwing on 1st and 10 all the time? And that last pass was just needless.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

@chicago bureau: You beat — no, humiliated — USC. Don’t think I don’t appreciate it.

@chicago bureau: Yes, every friend of the Tree I know is saying WHY ON FUCKING EARTH DO YOU THROW and I am asking why the QB can’t move.

@Dodgerblue: Well I hope Uklah will stick the $C’s faces in their mess and not roll over. Please let them rally to humiliate the Trojan Condoms.

Okay, made me look…

Well, golly! The Ducks didn’t choke!

@Promnight: Now that’s funny.

@Promnight: Yes, he came to the University of Illinois too! But I was a library science grad student there, so I was actually in the library most of the time. :P Don’t think I ever saw the show, but he was frequently mentioned in the campus paper. This was about four years ago.

And an update to this post. Klan had predicted 20-100 members in attendance, but only managed to muster 11 who were easily shouted down by 200 counter-protesters. They scuttled away under police protection after 10 minutes.

You can kind of hear the infamous chant here right at the end–it goes over the six notes from Battle Hymn of the Republic (subtle subtle). Supposedly it was mostly alumni who were keeping it up, so I kinda wish the administration had let it die naturally under public pressure instead of banning it outright.