Food Fights

Sorry, Charlie

We think it was Carlin’s. Or it might have been Robert Klein’s. Or maybe it was just low-hanging fruit, waiting to be plucked.

The premise of Charlie the Tuna — see, you know where this is going already — was that he was desperate to be chosen. Dying, even. He wanted to be good enough, make the team. Charlie didn’t want to be left behind.

But good enough for what? To be eaten, of course. That was unspoken in the commercials, which made it ripe for comedy. Just what is going on here? An anthropomorphic tuna with a deathwish?

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Carpe Diem, Bitch

Do dogs get brain freezes? Apparently not.

[via Sully]

The Confluence of Michele Bachmann and Fortune Cookies

  • “At noon today, I introduced the first bill of the 113th Congress to repeal Obamacare in its entirety.” —in bed!!!
  • “As Americans counted down to 2013, they also counted down to five #Obamacare taxes that affect all income levels” —in bed!!!
  • “Heard senators only got legislative text 10 mins before 2am vote began. How many had enough time to print out bill let alone read it?” —in bed!!!

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We Sleep All Night and We Curtail Global Maple Syrup Production All Day…

“It’s like OPEC. We’re not producing all the maple syrup in the world. But by producing 70 to 78 percent, we have the ability to adjust the quantity that is in the marketplace.” —Simon Trépanier, acting general manager of the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers. [NYT]

Republicans, Desperately Running Out of Groups to Insult, Extend Spectacular Outreach Program to the Poor…

“If all 47 million food stamp recipients voted for President Obama, it would account for 75.4 percent of Obama’s 62.3 million votes.” [CNS News]

Have We Mentioned Lately Why We Don’t Trust ThinkProgress?

The headline:

Applebee’s CEO Threatens To Fire Employees And Freeze Hiring Because Of Obamacare

The lede:

Zane Tankel, the CEO of Applebee’s New York Franchise, Apple-Metro, is so dedicated to not spending money on his employees that he’s refusing to hire anyone new. Why? Because he might have to provide them health care.

Easy on the eggs, gang.

Mitt Stiffs Staff at Denver Chipotle

“Skipping a beverage, the pol’s total was $18.25. Romney pulled out a $20 spot and left the $1.75 change in the tip jar.” Which comes to, um, 9.5 percent. [The Daily]