TSA agents at LaGuardia were spotted last Friday giving the “Full Monty Patdown” (whatever the fuck that means) to notorious war criminal Henry Kissinger, as he sat in a wheelchair at security. Apparently none of the 9 buck an hour rent-a-cops recognized him or knew who he was, even after he told them who he was.

Boo-fucking-hoo.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAA-HHHHAAAAA!

It won’t make up for the thousands murdered in Cambodia, Vietnam, or Chile, but it’s a start.

[WaPo: Henry Kissinger Gets TSA Pat-Down]

Oregon Congressman David Wu (D), already under fire for behavior that one could generously describe as “erratic,” is now in a smoking pile of dog shit.  The Portland Oregonian is reporting that earlier this year, the high school aged daughter of one of his friends and campaign donors contacted his office and accused him of sexually assaulting her over Thanksgiving weekend at a family event.  When confronted by his staff, he said it was a consensual sexual encounter.  Sort of like the one in 1976 where he was disciplined by Stanford University for trying to rape his ex-girlfriend?

According to sources, the young woman did not contact police because she felt that there was not enough evidence of an assault, and it was her word against a seven-term Congressman.  Frankly, if I were in the jury, that would make her all the more believable.

[Oregonian]

Kansas State Rep. Virgil Peck (R-No Fashion Sense) yesterday suggested in an appropriations committee hearing on funding for a program to control feral pigs that the state’s population of undocumented immigrants could be similarly controlled — through hunters shooting at them from helicopters.

Peck refused to apologize for his comments, later saying, “I was just speaking like a southeast Kansas person,” and that he was just joking.

Your Stinque News Team is researching whether the Westboro Baptist Church is part of his constituency.

[H/T JNOV: ThinkProgress]

Are you guys excited about budget season? I know I am. John Boehner, who helps run the government for Willy Wonka, is leading the charge against the President’s Budget Request. It’s like March Madness, except it lasts far longer and there is no real winner. With the President planning to cut the Budget by $1.1 trillion over the next ten years, the Republicans are angry, because they hate budget cuts.

No. That’s not it. They hate when the President does anything. And they especially hate it when he threatens to reduce  fuel subsidies and  money for the Department of Defense.  So, they do what they do, which is to be assholes and cut stuff people enjoy, like jobs and truth and America. What do they want to kill this year?

1:  Like I said, jobs:  Boehner: if “jobs are lost, so be it.” Remember during the campaign when the GOP candidates were all like, “Where are the jobs?   Where are the jobs?”  Apparently, they didn’t really give a shit.   Read more »

Nominated for the 2011 Darwin Awards:

A 35-year-old man who was at an illegal cockfight in the Central Valley of California died on January 30 after being stabbed in the leg by a cockfighting bird that had a knife attached to its own limb.  The Kern County coroner released the autopsy results on Monday, which concluded that Jose Luis Ochoa died of “accidental sharp force injury” to his right calf.

Accidental? I think not. Karma’s a bitch, asshole. Don’t fuck with the patron saint of San Francisco.

[LAT: Man Killed by Armed Bird at Cockfight, H/T DodgerBlue]

A San Francisco transgendered woman has filed a damages claim against the California DMV after a clerk at my local office told her when she was trying to change her name and gender on her driver’s license in October that she was going to go to hell for her acts of homosexuality.

Oh, and then he sent a threatening letter to her home four days later begging her not to change her gender, and gave her address to a wackadoodle church that sent her DVDs warning of eternal damnation for homosexuality.

The punchline? He’s been suspended with pay since October.

The second punchline? This is the second time he’s done this in two years.

[SF Chronicle: DMV Clerk Suspended for Sex Change Admonition]

Bat-shit crazy anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church, which pickets the funerals of U.S. soldiers, announced today it will be protesting at the funeral of Elizabeth Edwards.

She supported same-sex marriage long before it was popular to do so, and was an advocate of universal health care and social justice.