https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLs1bUhc498

Brit Hume, possibly the only proselytizing Episcopalian in existence, doubles down on his advice to Tiger Woods, and manages to claim it’s possible for a Christian to be persecuted in America:

The Bible even speaks of it, that, you know, you speak the name, Jesus Christ, and I don’t — and I don’t mean to make a pun here, but all hell breaks loose. And — and it has always been thus. It is explosive… It triggers a very powerful reaction in people who do not share the faith and who do not believe in it.

Actually, the powerful reaction here stems from Brit recommending Christianity for its pro-adultery benefits, but let’s move on — WorldNetDaily has its own bone to pick with Glenn Beck’s brief moment of birther clarity:

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Balloon Dad’s lawyer wins today’s award for Best Callback to the Patricide Orphan Gag:

David Lane, a Colorado civil rights lawyer who is representing Richard Heene, said both Mr. Heene and his wife, Mayumi, would plead not guilty and would turn themselves in to avoid further public spectacle.

Mr. Lane contended that placing handcuffs on the Heenes, in the full glare of the news media and for their children to see, would be abusive to the youngsters…

When asked how the Heenes were doing Monday, Mr. Lane said: “They are holding up as well as any family under siege would be holding up. They’re doing the best they can.”

See, now we’re supposed to feel sorry for the besieged famewhore Dad who called the local TV station before he called 911. Have we no shame?

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The Balloon Boy Hoax is now official!

The episode that transfixed the nation last week — a spaceship-like balloon floating through the Colorado skies with a 6-year-old boy named Falcon believed to be inside — was declared “a hoax” by the Larimer County sheriff’s office on Sunday.

“It has been determined that this is a hoax, that it was a publicity stunt,” the Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said at a news conference in Fort Collins, Colo., one day after re-interviewing members of the now-famous Heene family about the case. “We have evidence to indicate it was a publicity stunt done with the hope of marketing themselves to a realty television show sometime in the future.”

Falcon’s parents are in deep shit for the stunt — three felonies are being considered, incluing “conspiracy between the husband and the wife to commit a crime, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and an attempt to influence a public servant, the last of which carries a prison term of six years.”

We of course were hesitant to call the play based on what seemed an uncertain response by Falcon to Wolf Blitzer’s question, and we regret missing the opportunity to join early in the vituperation. But everyone must admit it was a damn good show, start to (now) finish.

Sheriff Calls Balloon Chase a Hoax [NYT]

Falcon’s Dad may have signed up for the wrong reality show:

Authorities in Colorado say criminal charges are expected to be filed against Richard Heene, a storm-chasing father whose giant Mylar balloon ascended into the sky earlier this week — sparking fears that his 6-year-old was aboard.

“We anticipate criminal charges will be filed sometime in the near future,” Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden told CNN.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that the Barfing Balloon Boy spilled the beans to Wolf Blitzer when he said “We did this for the show.” Although Gawker is now resorting to checkbook journalism, paying a dude to say he helped Dad plan the event.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGhIQP801fc

When he wasn’t upchucking, Falcon also told CNN, “We did this for the show.” Some are taking that as proof the whole thing was a hoax, but we’re not confident about his line-reading.

Police to quiz family over ‘balloon boy’ hoax suspicions [AFP/Raw Story]

The recent release, on compassionate grounds,  of Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi, the Libyan agent convicted of planting the bomb on Pan AM flight 103 that claimed the lives of 270 innocent men, women and children has created something of a diplomatic furor, with U.S. commentators and public officials loudly decrying the Scottish government’s decision. Read more »

Meth-Head Ted Begs Jesus to Jerk Off in His Face

Meth-crazed, schlong-gobbling Jesus yahoo and GOP icon Ted Haggard is still selling his pathetic non-story to a wantonly vapid media, killing time until he can arrange for an opportunity that can hopefully get him out of the business of mortifying his wife and family for a living.

The disgraced, former uberfuhrer of the National Association of Evangelicals, once representing tens of millions of mouthbreathing snakehandlers, is dragging his hapless wife onto Divorce Court on April 1 to continue making their lives into a snakehandler circus sideshow for easy profit – and for some twisted need of Haggard’s to be jeered at by tens of millions of people.

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