“During a sit down interview with Ketchikan Public Radio this week, I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in Central California. I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect.” —Alaska Congresscritter Don Young, not quite apologizing for calling farmworkers “wetbacks”. [Anchorage Daily News]

Update: Take two: “I apologize.” [TPM]

BuzzFeed is shocked — Shocked! — by the matching pair of new Time covers:

TIME Magazine Sexualizing Same-Sex Marriage With New Cover Photo

This might lead you to ask: How is marriage not sexualized? Except for separate-bed Fifties sitcoms, of course. Oh, and your parents. (The Management apologizes for weirding you out.)

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God, you suck. Can’t predict the outcome of a concentrated series of sporting events for shit. You’re so bad at it, you can’t help but join the Stinque Losers Braquet, our exclusive 12-step group for Addictive Failure Disorder.

Braquet Queen MellBell’s
Salon des Refusés

Group ID: 16383
Password: eventhelosers

Remember, the first step towards your recovery is believing in a Higher Failure. The second step is admitting you thought FGCU was some kind of exotic fungus.

Title: “God Gave Us Easter”

Author: Lisa Tawn Bergren; illustrations by Laura J. Bryant

Rank: 27

Blurb: “As Little Cub celebrates Easter with Papa, Mama, and her brother and sister, she begins to ask her papa questions about this very special day of the year. Papa lovingly explains God’s plans for his children, while taking Little Cub on a memorable walk through her stunning Arctic world, and he shares how Easter came about in clear, simple terms that even the littlest cubs can understand.”

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Our guest columnist will probably pay closer attention next time when Googling “teaching” quotes.

Welcome to the NCES Kids’ Zone!

The NCES Kids’ Zone provides information to help you learn about schools; decide on a college; find a public library; engage in several games, quizzes and skill building about math, probability, graphing, and mathematicians; and to learn many interesting facts about education…

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Title: “Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World”

Author: Phil McGraw

Rank: 20

Blurb: “Edgy, controversial and sometimes irreverent, Dr. Phil again abandons convention to prepare you to claim what you deserve and claim it now. You take flying lessons to learn to fly, swimming lessons to learn to swim, and singing lessons to learn to sing. So, why not take winning lessons to learn to win?”

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There’s a reason why the Stinque Braquet is the worst hell on earth: Hope.

Every fool who has ventured here over the years has looked up to the light, and imagined climbing to victory. So easy… So simple… And like shipwrecked men turning to sea water from uncontrollable thirst, many have been ridiculed trying.

By us, of course.

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