Time to introduce a new weekly feature, mainly because it seems like a cheap way to start an open thread on Sundays, as well as a means to combine two copyright violations into one graphic.

Meet the Press: Tom Brokaw hosts A Very Special Episode, amid the din of knives being sharpened backstage.

Face the Nation: Bobby Jindal attempts an exorcism on Bob Schieffer.

This Week: Boy George convenes a Losers Roundtable with John Edwards and Fred Thompson.

Late Edition: Did you know Wolf is also from Buffalo? These things come in threes.

Fox News Sunday: Chris Wallace attempts an exorcism on Karl Rove.

Guests and topics subject to change. We’re listening to Harry Shearer, anyway.

MTP, FTN, This Week, Late Edition, Demon Spawn

According to the University of Mississippi’s “Potency Monitoring Project”, THC in dope now averages 9.6 percent, double the effectiveness from 1983. We also hear the waiting list for lab assistants now runs three years.

Marijuana more potent than ever [LAT]

We don’t know whether they have rubbers in Heaven (can we segue or what?), but they’re required in equally inaccessible places on Earth. This week’s merry ribaldry comes from our penguin-poking pals at McMurdo Station, Antarctica, which has taken delivery on 16,488 condoms, or what they’re calling “a year’s supply”. We ran that through the CP Supercomputer between porn downloads, and it works out to a healthy 45 fpn (fucks per night) pace. We look forward to the new documentary series “Polecat Penthouse”, debuting next year on Animal Planet.

16,488 condoms ordered for Antarctic base [stuff.co.nz]

Bonus Rubber Blowout!

Somebody’s selling condoms with the faces of Unicorn and Psychogeezer on the packages. Each package features a moderately clever slogan, but it’s early, and we figure you can do better.

Condoms named after Obama and McCain selling fast [Reuters]

Boumediene v. Bush, annotated.

• Guantanamo compared to Scotland. [Kennedy, 27]
• Inside jokes about Congress giving a shit about the Constitution. [Kennedy, 15; Roberts, 85; Scalia, 116]
• Berwick-Upon-Tweed apparently not Texas sodomy case. [Kennedy, 18; Scalia, 130]
• Killing Americans deemed “tolerable” under certain circumtances. [Scalia, 111]
• Fuck you. [Souter, 79, 80, 81, 82]
• No, fuck you. [Roberts, 84, 89, 104, 109]
• I said fuck you, sir. [Scalia, 110-134]
• John Yoo reacharound. [Scalia, 112]
• Friday’s WSJ editorial drafted. [Scalia, 111, 134]
• Catch-22, a novel about arbitrary authority and the absurdity of war, mentioned favorably in dissent. [Roberts, 106]

Boumediene v. Bush (pdf) [ScotusBlog, via Blogenfreude]

While we’re marking time until veep selections give us fresh targets to mock, we thought we’d take a moment to express our mad, passionate, wall-pounding, puppy-frightening, Brangelina-in-Africa love for Donna Brazile.

See, we watch CNN during election nights. We watch CNN because we can’t stand Chris Matthews live, and much prefer reading the Tweety recaps later. And when CNN rolls out the talking heads, Donna (oh, Donna, take us now!) is the head we listen to. She reminds us of our straight-talkin’ Fun Aunt, the one who doesn’t take shit at Thanksgiving and serves the most fantastic pineapple ham. (Incestuous allusions are solely the responsibility of the reader.)

Problem is, we know little about her. She’s a Superdelegate! who cannily kept her decision close to her vest throughout the primaries. (Compared to the other Supes! who were lamely waiting to jump on the train until it arrived. It’s our nuance, and we’re sticking with it.) She managed Al’s campaign in 2000. She runs a PR firm or something. And that’s about it.

We’ve been willing to preserve our fantasy and ignore brutal reality until this moment, but sooner or later you gotta send out the spies, if only to keep the prenup in order. So, as much as we don’t want to hear this, let’s see if we can find some dirt:

• Born December 1959, grew up in New Orleans. So both of us are younger than Madonna. Good.
• As a deputy field director for Dukakis, amid rumors of a Bush I concubine, she came out with a classic: “The American people have every right to know if Barbara Bush will share that bed with him in the White House.” Resignation immediately followed. Sassy!
• Donna to Colbert: “Look, I’m a woman, so I like Hillary. I’m black; I like Obama. But I’m also grumpy, so I like John McCain.” That’s the interview where he sets up a Kansas City rendezvous with her, which makes us extremely jealous.
• Got into a dustup with Teh Gheys over something or other in 2006, which may or may not be deeply ironic. We’ll sit that one out, although we may have to adjust our KC fantasies a tad.
• Owns Brazile & Associates, a DC consulting firm, which means there must be somebody nasty on the client list. Those oil spills don’t cover up themselves!

Well, we give up. There must be something to resent about her, but until somebody steps forward with photos of her drowning kitties in the Potomac, we’re sticking with our unrequited adoration.

We’ve lived our entire life within an hour of the Pacific Ocean, so generally we’re clueless about anything happening east of the Cascades Sierra Nevadas Washington Street. (We’ve moved a few times.) Which means when potential veepist Jim Webb shows up on the Daily Show, he’s new to our sheltered awareness. Dude seems to have the necessary qualifications — not black, not Hillary — and aside from the orange hair, we don’t see a problem. But just to make sure, we did some googling extensive research into The Man Who Would Be The Man Behind The Man:

• Vietnam vet: Fine, but we’re getting tired of making up for a criminal war by nominating its survivors to national office.
• Double agent: Not just a former Republican — a former Reagan Republican. Knows how to whistle the Blue Dogs.
• Honestly enjoys country music — no pandering required!
• Gun nut.
• An asshole you can love: when the new senator met President Bush, he reportedly refused to shake his hand. Bush asked Webb how his son was doing in Iraq, and Webb replied, “I’d like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President.” “That’s not what I asked. How’s your boy?” Bush replied. The senator said, “That’s between me and my son, Mr. President.”
• Butch. Butch, butch, butch. No pansy big-city elitism in this Appalachian son.

Sure, there are few cranky things in his past that will displease the faithful (anti-Vietnam Memorial, pro-Tailhook), but if we’re looking for an LBJ to Unicorn’s JFK, this may be as good as it gets.

Jim Webb – a possible Obama veep? [Baltimore Sun]

Anyone but Webb [Slate]

The Jim Webb Story [NY Review]

Simple comment on Jim Webb as veep [The Atlantic]

Geez, there must be something out there… The new iPhone 3G? Nah, even if you can download porn three times faster. Ralph “Unsafe at Any Election” Nader polling 6 percent? One spoiler at a time, please. John “Keating Five” McCain throwing darts at Unicorn’s veep posse over some S&L loans? Wake us up for the next Fistacular. And we’ll take a pass on Bimbo Eruptions: The Criterion Edition.

So, what’s left?

South Korea’s cabinet offered to resign on Tuesday after an unpopular deal to widen the market to U.S. beef imports sparked massive street protests against the government which has been in office barely three months.

Something about Mad Cow disease being spread from the Democrats American cattle. But here’s the thing: the entire cabinet offered to resign. Over a beef deal. And not one of them is writing a book about it. And here we thought North Korea had the crazy leaders.

S.Korea cabinet offers to resign over U.S. beef row [Reuters]