We told you about the Nice USDA Lady — oops, never mind, already ran that riff — anyway, Shirley Sherrod announced today she won’t be taking the Hastily Created Substitute Job. But she announced it at a press conference with Tom Vilsack, so no hard feelings, okay? [WaPo]

[ Comedy Central Flash video not available. ]

Last January, we told you about—

Hold on. Can we tell you about how much we hate it when websites pull that passive-aggressive evening news “we told you about” shit? Especially respectable websites like TPM, which should be above that sort of fucking annoying self-promotion? We get it. You reported the story. You probably weren’t even the first to report the story. Even if you were, somebody else may have told us about it. It’s not like we’re still growing up in a town with one newspaper, two TV stations, and no cable. And if the sad local afternoon cartoon host didn’t tell us about it, we didn’t hear about it anyway.

But we digress.

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Here at Stinque World Domination Headquarters, our editorial team enjoys lively debates late into the evening over which of the Grave Issues Facing Our Republic deserves the prestigious recognition of leading off our publishing day. After a shortlist of finalists is chosen, we send our loyal pack of free-range feral interns off into the vast reaches of cyberspace for extensive research into each topic, gathering the evidence that our award-winning shadowy cabal needs to determine which story is fit to survive the dawn, and which instead will be fed into our anonymous chain-email operation for eventual inclusion at Snopes.com. Then, and only then, does our Obscenely Wealthy Publisher’s nephew finally sit down to compose the golden prose that will run over his uncle’s signature.

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So, about That Thing we’ve been ignoring all day…

Here’s some video from the Atlas Jugs anti-mosque rally, where some black guy made the mistake of looking Muslimish and was harassed and nearly assaulted by the collection of lily white mouth-breathers at the event.

Pam Geller, without whom we’d all still be talking about Anchor Blastocysts, isn’t having any of it:

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“Bristol Palin — the teen mother whose turbulent relationship with her son’s father has added a soap-opera subplot to her mother Sarah’s political career — will speak Sept. 8 on behalf of a home for single mothers in Louisville. Palin, 19, will receive $14,000 to speak at a benefit at the Louisville Marriot Downtown.” [Louisville Courier-Journal, via Political Wire]

[Minneapolis Star Tribune, via PourMeCoffee]

Rhode Island Democrat Peter Palumbo shows why satire is dead: “We’ve all heard of anchor babies. We have something unique to Rhode Island, and they’re called anchor embryos.” [ThinkProgress]