Our lovely and talented assistant Maru performs an interpretive dance expressing our frustration upon encountering story ideas too small to merit our attention, forcing us to resort to a kitty video to meet our self-imposed deadline.

And yes, we’re fully aware that the celebrated Don’t Touch My Junk incident happened across the freeway from Stinque World Domination Headquarters. Yet somehow, we still can’t feign interest in it. Maybe because we’ve only flown maybe a dozen times in our life.

“The three-alarm blaze that caused $1.1 million in damage to a warehouse filled with rock legend Neil Young’s music equipment and memorabilia appears to have started in a one-of-a-kind hybrid car stored at the site, a fire official said Monday. Flames began in a 1959 Lincoln Continental dubbed LincVolt, which runs on electric batteries and a biodiesel-powered generator.” [San Jose Mercury News]

“I’m not getting myself into another Situation,” says Celebrity Teen Mom Bristol Palin, warning Our Nation’s Young Women that if they allow Rogue Tappers into their Mama Grizzlies, they’ll be fated to a miserable life of national television and unendurable abdomens.

[via Hill Rat]

“Two Democratic consultants are accusing Arianna Huffington and her business partner of stealing their idea for the powerhouse liberal website Huffington Post. Peter Daou and James Boyce charge that Huffington and partner Ken Lerer designed the website from a plan they had presented them, and in doing so, violated a handshake agreement to work together, according to a lawsuit to be filed in New York State Supreme Court in Manhattan.” [Politico]

Ted Koppel almost got us killed.

The year was 1980. We were watching breaking news in our dorm room about Jimmy Carter’s Iran-hostage rescue attempt, the one that failed with choppers going down in the desert. We swore, more than a little. Jimmy was going to start a fucking war, all because that asshole Koppel was needling him on TV every night.

In four days, we would turn 21. Vietnam was over. But not by much. We were raw meat for Our Nation’s next militaristic fantasy.

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“A politician in a New York suburb called police on two 13-year-old boys for selling cupcakes and other baked goods without a permit, according to a report Monday… New Castle Councilman Michael Wolfensohn called the police after discovering the sale was not for charity.” [MSNBC]

OMG, Islamoterrorists are invading Phoenix! Prepare for Crusade!

A new dome-like structure near 19th Avenue along Interstate 10 in Phoenix is the Light of the World church, a nondenominational Christian church hoping to modernize traditional worship services, a church spokesman said.

Since the distinctive dome shape went up, church leaders said they have received phone calls from concerned neighbors who’ve mistaken the building for an Islamic mosque.

Perfectly understandable. We often mistake concerned neighbors for fucking idiots.

Christian Congregation Builds Domed Church [KPHO, via ThinkProgress]