We understand that there are Important Things going on in the world — Important Things that, were we a Responsible Editorialist, we would Responsibly Editorialize about. Heaven knows that, lacking our Responsible Editorial, you wouldn’t know what the hell to think.

But in contemplating said Important Things, we discovered that we have absolutely nothing to say, Responsibly or otherwise. Unions Good, Qaddafi Bad, Charlie Sheen Crazy. When’s lunch?

So, in lieu of words that would make the Mighty tremble and the Humble weep with joy, we choose instead to present a silly video about a rocket launch that nobody cares about. Because, in the end, it fills 300 vertical pixels of space, and that’s all that really matters.

Jane Russell, Sultry Star of 1940s and ’50s, Dies at 89 [NYT]

“The Rev. Grant Storms, a Christian fundamentalist best known for his bullhorn protests of the [gay] Southern Decadence festival in the French Quarter, was arrested for allegedly masturbating at a Metairie park Friday afternoon.” [NOLA, via Towleroad]

Our guest columnist is W.C. Sullivan of the FBI, writing on December 28, 1961.

You may be interested in the following information which was furnished to the Bureau Agents during the course of the South America assessment survey:

As you know, a few weeks ago Ted Kennedy made a tour of several Latin American countries…

In Mexico, Kennedy asked Ambassador Mann that certain left-wingers be invited to the Embassy residence where interviews could be held. Mann took the strong position that he would not invite such people and stated that if any such interviews were to be conducted, all arrangements should be made by Kennedy himself.

Douglas Henderson, State official in Lima, confidentially advised that Kennedy had made similar requests in Peru. Henderson described Kennedy as pompous and a spoiled brat.

While Kennedy was in Santiago, he made arrangements to “rent” a brothel for an entire night. Kennedy allegedly invited one of the Embassy chauffeurs to participate in the night’s activities.

Judicial Watch Obtains Previously Redacted Material from the FBI File of the Late Senator Ted Kennedy [Judicial Watch, via Raw Story]

“‘I remember Martin Luther King came to town, in ’62. He spoke out at the old fairground and it was full of people, black and white,’ [Haley Barbour] said. But Pulitzer Prize-winning historian David Garrow told the Jackson Clarion-Ledger this week that records show no signs of any such appearance.” [TPM] Update: MLK did go to Yazoo in 1966. [Politico]

Making the news in Sandy Eggo — and conveniently timed to the Oscar nomination for the very enjoyable documentary “Exit Through the Gift Shop” — is this purported Banksy work that turned up on the wall overnight Friday at the Bull Taco shop in Oceanside, north of town.

Banksy himself has yet to authenticate it — apparently there’s a standard procedure for such things — and connoisseurs doubt its authenticity. But that’s what’s amusing about it: One word from the Master is the difference between a Valuable Work of Art, and, y’know, mindless vandalism.

Banksy or Fakesy in Oceanside? [Carlsbad Crawl]

Not a Banksy [Ape Flavored/Flickr]

Photo: Banksy in Oceanside [Hypebeast]

Yes, we’re going for the most obvious Oscar-broadcast joke imaginable, because if we don’t go there, Bruce Vilanch will. For that matter, he’d probably add a button about the Death Montage running long because of last-minute additions since the show began ages ago. Because Bruce Vilanch is a professional.

So let’s roll out the red — ummm, rockpet? — and have a gay old time at our Open Thread/Loyal Order of Water Buffalo Convention. Hey, everybody, let’s all give James Franco a warm hand!