Your Exclusive Stinque Seven-Day Forecast will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you this Stinque special.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLPhhu7e0bE

So: our long national nightmare is almost over. Thus: let us review the Bush administration, year by year. Please add your thoughts and observations. And then, let us never speak of it again.

His inaugural motorcade was pelted with eggs — an indignity that Gilded Age performers endured.  The next day: his very first gag order. Michael Brown came to Washington, a submariner piloted his boat into a Japanese fishing vessel, and a spy plane commander collided with a Chinese air force jet.  None of the three knew what the fuck was going on. The Presidential Daily Briefs sent to Crawford were barely read, and the stem cell “research” speech given from there was sophomoric.

And then: September 11 came. Deer, meet headlights. But most people went right along with everything he wanted, as if the first eight months told them absolutely nothing. Seriously, people — there was more foreshadowing than a Bronte novel.

This is not happening:

President-elect Barack Obama has offered the job of surgeon general to Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the neurosurgeon and correspondent for CNN and CBS, according to two sources with knowledge of the situation.

Gupta has told administration officials that he wants the job, and the final vetting process is under way.

Dr. Phil, according to sources, turned him down, and expressed a desire to spend more time oversimplifying things with his family.

Well, the “me” Administration is almost over, and good riddance, as far as I’m concerned. The Bush Administration was simply 8 years of people thinking of nothing but themselves. No wonder we were unable to get together and solve any of the many serious problems facing our nation. Oh sure, some people did do some positive things in the Bush Administration — like jogging — but always for the wrong reasons, for their own selfish, personal benefit. Well, I believe the next administration is gonna have to be different. I think that people are going to stop thinking about themselves, and start thinking about him, Al Franken.

[Transcript of Weekend Update liberally — natch — edited, in light of the spirit of the thing.]

Seriously, kids: Coleman’s gonna bitch and whine, but we are looking at Sen. Al Franken for the next six years. But of course Mitch and pals are going to try to block him getting sworn in. Some sympathy, please — it’s the only way John Ensign can pick up a win at this point.

That, along with Roland Burris trying to storm the gates in order to chisel in another line on the ol’ resume? Tuesday’s going to be FUN.

Alberto Gonzales:

“For some reason, I am portrayed as the one who is evil in formulating policies that people disagree with. I consider myself a casualty, one of the many casualties of the war on terror.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Actually, on second thought, I am going to go off the board here and select “smash fist through wall.”

WHEREAS, Israelis and Palestinians are acting like naughty little children, instead of being good little boys and girls; and

WHEREAS, it is evident neither Israelis nor Palestinians listen to their mothers, who have done everything for them —

NOW, THEREFORE, a state of momtial law is declared, effective immediately.  Accordingly, it is ORDERED as follows:

1. Israeli D. Forces is directed to get their butt in here, right now.

2. Notwithstanding Hamas’s claim as to who started it, there shall be no more hitting.

3. Pursuant to Section 307.1 of Regulation C of the Federal Dad Commission, all provisions providing for the turning around of cars are declared fully effective, and shall be strictly enforced in the discretion of the Chair of the Commission — provided that he consults with this office prior to engaging in automotive-reversal maneuvers.

4. This office finds Israelis and Palestinians to be very disappointing.

You know, Christopher Hitchens, although he is a Brit, is one of America’s greatest gasbags.  Over-inflated ego and sense of self drips from every word, whether he is fantastically wrong (his opinion on the Iraq war) or brilliant — as he was in his recent column about how the December ritual of holiday music and decorations has much in common with totalitarian regimes:

As in such dismal banana republics, the dreary, sinister thing is that the official propaganda is inescapable. You go to a train station or an airport, and the image and the music of the Dear Leader are everywhere. You go to a more private place, such as a doctor’s office or a store or a restaurant, and the identical tinny, maddening, repetitive ululations are to be heard. So, unless you are fortunate, are the same cheap and mass-produced images and pictures, from snowmen to cribs to reindeer. It becomes more than usually odious to switch on the radio and the television, because certain officially determined “themes” have been programmed into the system. Most objectionable of all, the fanatics force your children to observe the Dear Leader’s birthday, and so (this being the especial hallmark of the totalitarian state) you cannot bar your own private door to the hectoring, incessant noise, but must have it literally brought home to you by your offspring. Time that is supposed to be devoted to education is devoted instead to the celebration of mythical events.

As I was reading this, the restuarant windows, from left to right, featured glass paintings of (1) Santa, (2) a candy cane, and (3) an American flag. Yikes. Hitch FTW, on this go-round.

Nevertheless: merry Christmas, happy Solstice, you beautiful cynics.

Apologies for inserting that song into your head.  The most insipid song ever written by Fleetwood Mac (which takes some doing) pairs well with the most insipid, and corrupt, Illinois politician in recent memory (which takes some doing).

So: does he resign, or does he stick to his guns?  One thing I can tell you is that Rod’s lawyer — who, frankly, sounded drunk when on camera earlier this week, complete with waddling down the street — has gotten real close to going completely mental.  I mean, the tapes will eventually be played.  If it is Blago’s voice, it’s all over.  The only thing left is the race to see who, besides Rod, can claim the prize for being the biggest idiot of them all.  It’s a big field.

Open thread, kids.  Go nuts.