Watchmen Fans: Debbie Schlussel Hates You
“If you take your kids to see Watchmen, you’re a moron.
If you see it yourself, you’re also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being.”
Now, I agree with the first statement – and apparently, so does the Motion Picture Association of America, which gave the film an R rating. But does the second statement not, by default, name her as a vapid, indecent human being? Oh, right, she was just performing a service for dull-minded parents who do whatever their kids tell them to do.
If you’re wondering why her name sounds familiar, you might know her as the author of a twice-weekly column entitled, “Debbie Does Politics.” She is a role model for the children, really. And drag queens.
Like most conservatives who are vehement about teh evil pervading our once-great Reaganation, she seems to focus only on the things she hates – taking it upon herself to warn her tens of fans about the puerile filth coming to a theater near you. But with Watchmen she takes her vitriol to another whole level, insulting the people who see the film as well – whether or not you have your tiny tots in tow.
In addition to the quotes above, get a load of what Debbie thinks of you:
- “I guess I shouldn’t be amazed at the number of slacker ignoramuses who are up in arms about my frank review cutting down the absolute crap they worship”
- “If only this movie could achieve that result [death of Watchmen fans by Jim Jones Kool-Aid], it would be the most fantastic exercise in natural selection ever conducted in America.” Surely, she’s not including abortion in this comparison.
- “You’re a bunch of dummies with no moral compass, but liking this stupid comic book which pretends violence and the depraved is ‘edgy’ or ‘sophisticated,’ makes you feel smart. When you’re actually quite stupid. But now, with this movie, you’ve got pretentious stupidity. You don’t realize you’re still just as dumb, your IQ just as low and probably lower.”
- “Here’s a tip to you clueless wonders: You can’t have culture literacy when there ain’t culture. Just like I’d be wrong to call this a clash of civilizations, because then we would be wrongly assuming that there is civilization on your end.”
- “[Y]ou’re an idiot who spends valuable time and money on idiocy and depravity.” It should be noted here that she also went apoplectic over the money spent by President Obama on a swing set for his daughters.
- “And you are no better than the lumpenproletariat lowlifes at the Coliseum who orgasmically watched and cheered when Christians were forced to fight animals.”
- “I’m not surprised to find out that many of those who’ve written… voted for Barack Obama and are liberals” So that’s where everyone was this weekend!
- “If you’re a “Watchmen” fan, there’s something sick about you.”
- My personal favorite: “…the insipid, vapid excuses I’ve received from empty-headed Watchmen fanatic who mindlessly repeat the phony talking points that make them feel smart.” I didn’t know Fox pundits liked Watchmen!
Debbie signs off with some home-spun advice for clearly misguided Watchmen fans everywhere:
- “And maybe your sister should be fed to dogs and your mother raped and your brother should have his arms sawed off (as they do in this snuff/torture-porn movie).”
Like I said: That Debbie. She’s a real charmer.