The Hunt for Red Oklahoma

114 minutes, and no dance number?It’s the moment of Tyranny we’ve been warned about: an agent of the State denying your Second Amendment rights because your politics are disagreeable, Comrade.

Only this being Oklahoma, somehow the wires got crossed.

Our Oppressed Hero in this tale is Lane Dunkley, a God-fearing American citizen who sought a hunting permit so he could practice his God-given stewardship over deer. With his grandfather.

Lane, you see, is 13.

But you can’t just grab your flintlock and go in Socialist Oklahoma. Instead the local commissars require your attendance at a reeducation session, which they call a “hunter safety course” to fool the patriots.

And that’s where we meet Kell Wolf, the “instructor” who protects the Party’s interests.

Wolf looks around the room, and subjects the attendees to the dreaded litmus test: He asks whether anybody voted for Barack Obama.

This puts Lane’s father, a former Marine codename “Daniel Reddy”, in a tight spot. Reddy knows the “right” answer, but he also knows the truth. Yet he promised Lane that hunting trip with Gramps, and family comes first.

Reddy raises his hand: Yes.

That’s when Red China turns into a garden party:

Wolf called Obama “the next thing to the Antichrist” and ordered Reddy and Dunkley from the room. When Reddy refused, Wolf said he would not teach “liberals” and would cancel the course if Reddy didn’t leave.

Reddy and Lane leave — and call the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation the next morning. Kell Wolf is now a former instructor, free to confuse his principles as a private citizen.

Liberals told to leave [Tulsa World]

I have no idea what any of this is about. It just makes me glad I don’t live in Oklahoma, with or without the exclamation point. I suspect this instructor person is one of the dancers who didn’t pull one of the specialty spots say in Everything’s Up To Date In Kansas City or the Dream Ballet and has become bitter. Some people just don’t realize that not everyone can be featured. Musical theatre just doesn’t work that way.

This would be like Libruls refusing to teach Climate Skiezne and Evilushun to deniers. Oh wait, the deniers do that to themselves.

Not to beat a point to death here, but I thought political reliability was something only totalitarian states did. Something that RW wingnuts have accused Librul US Americans of doing.

Oh. My. God. Can you imagine. Can you just IMAGINE if this had been the other way around? If someone asked who voted for Bush, and then ordered them from the room? CAN YOU IMAGINE??

Oh my God. People scare me.

“Oh. my God. People scare me”

glad you put the words right in my mouth, and so glad it’s the first thing i’ve typed in days since the computer came back to life today.

What were the odds that the only person in Oklahoma who voted for Obama would be taking a hunting safety course? I am shocked and dismayed that Herr Wolf was dismissed as an instructor, one would have guessed he would have gotten a commendation in the State of Bibul & Jeezus for his conscientiousness.

@baked: … since the computer came back to life today.

In geek speak it’s called “a Lazarus”.

I just love OK wingers – these people are dumber than six chickens. Any state that sends Inhofe to the senate again and again is clearly too stupid
to be in the Union. Let ’em go if they want to.

@baked: Welcome back, computer and baked!

@blogenfreude: Isn’t OK the setting of that real-life crime book Grisham wrote?

You’d have to think that, in order to become a hunter safety course instructor, you at some level would have to agree that some government oversight of stuff is a good idea. So this douchebag basically swallowed his anti-government rhetoric long enough to get wired up to become an instructor, and then blew it in order to ostracize one Black Eagle supporter and his very confused kid.

[BTW: RML may have something to say about state-run safety courses. I tend to think this is a good idea — like checking your driving skills with a qualified instructor in a blue boat of a station wagon before taking to the streets in a serious vehicle. RML — report in.]

Memo to self: Review personal policy toward firearms, Oklahomans and the Second Amendment. Also church shootings like the Illinois Baptist shooting on Sunday and the Tennessee Unitarian shooting last year. It seems people sometimes have personal or political issues and blend them in with other issues or people. This is not good. It seems also that some emotionally confused people believe that the use of firearms to resolve personal conflicts around politics or religion is acceptable. This is also not good.

I also need to ask myself, What Would Obama Do?

@blogenfreude: Don’t forget the mental giant Tom Coburn.

Whatever happened to C. Thomas Howell? He was quite the hottie in the early ’80s.

Apparently, the King of the Direct to DVD movies.

I actually bought a copy of Red Dawn a few months ago, on a whim, for $7.99. Should I watch it? I hear its got Jennifer Grey in it, I think she was hot.

@chicago bureau: OK is at the top of my list of places I don’t need to go.

My esteemed colleague from the Republic of Woodstock asked about hunter safety courses. They are classes intended to teach firearm safety, hunter responsibility and ethics, wildlife identification, conservation and game management and sometimes first aid and survival, depending on the state. Many states such as Colorado require it for anyone who wants to buy or apply for a hunting license. Others such as New Mexico don’t require it for adults of a certian age but every one under 18 has to take it. I recently signed up to get more information on becoming an instructor and will have to take a course to go elk hunting in Colorado next fall (six months away, y’all).

My buddy and I were talking about the course yesterday.

Instructor “How many beers can you have before handling a firearm?”
Student “Well, the night I shot my friend, I had 12, so I can drink 12 beers and still shoot someone.”
Instructor “That was not my question.”

As you know, I get my new Glock 9mm* today or tomorrow now that the one-week “instant background check” has run its course (always takes a week for me). Sometime down the road I’ll be looking at becoming a certified firearms instructor so I can provide a niche service in teaching wimmin, gays, minorities and liberal rubbish how to shoot. I think it’ll be fun. Looking forward to punching a LOT of holes in paper this year.

*The G19 compact with a 15 round magazine purchased with in response the the AG’s comments two weeks ago on reviving the assault weapons ban that would outlaw such “high capacity” magazines (again). The purchase was a spouse authorized, non-black budget use of accumulated travel reimbursements, not that I would do such a thing. *ahem*

@Prommie: Red Dawn is awesome. It was shot in Mrs RML’s hometown.

@Prommie: And here I thought Dirty Dancing was the only Patrick Swayze/Jennifer Grey movie.

If you enjoy kitschy RW movies and don’t take it seriously except as peek into the wingnut mindset.

It was certainly “perfect” for its time, but not if you’re the type whose brain doesn’t shut down during a movie. Many many many questions will pop into your head.

WTF!!!! They fired the good guy? The guy who was trying to protect America from the Antichrist? What is Oklahoma coming to?

Well, with any luck there’ll be a nice big Federal ATF building with a day care in the basement for Mr. Wolf to bomb and send America a warning message about the impending tribulation.

Just read the story in the Tulsa World. It’s heartening to read that when Lane and his father were booted out of the class, “a few others” left, too.

In the early fifties, when I was almost a teenager but not quite, I used to spend part of each summer in Tulsa with my stepgrandmother and her second husband (first one died of kidney disease and then she married her high school sweetheart, but that’s another story). She did volunteer kitchen and dining room work at the Oral Roberts empire (and attended a Christian Church {Disciples of Christ}, the same denomination as her Indiana church). I was too young to be politically aware, but I was aware that the librarians I encountered were even more surprised than the ones in Indiana that a ten- or eleven- or twelve-year old wanted to read fiction and non-fiction books written for adults. I believe literacy and independent thought were viewed with alarm then, and still are, in Oklahoma and the other red states, all of which are riddled with ignoramuses who are fundamentalist to the core and pining for the world to be just like it was in the fifties (before Brown v. Board of Education, of course). That’s what the Shrub and Cheney years felt like: the fifties revisited and made even more horrible than they were first time around. The throwbacks have been running things . . . into the ground . . . and deeper . . . into hell

@lynnlightfoot: That is exactly the mentality of my sister and brother-in-law. Even though they’re both barely 30, they would love to revert the entire US o’ A to some 50s Pleasantville nightmare world. They only watch “wholesome” old TV shows and Disney movies: The Absent-Minded Professor, That Darn Cat, The Honeymooners, The Andy Griffith Show, etc. Just last week, I could hear my not-quite-three-year-old niece singing in the background while I was on the phone with my sister, and my sister told me it was a song she learned from…(wait for it)…the Lawrence Welk Show! They just took a trip to Disneyworld back in February (supporting modern Disney entertainment and/or business practices gets a pass based on decades of historical wholesomeness, apparently), and I was a little scared they would move in to Celebration and we’d never see them again. Needless to say, I’ve been plotting a way to kidnap and deprogram my niece before it’s too late.

@blogenfreude: I love “dumber than six chickens.”
@redmanlaw: Your Instructor-Student dialogue reminds me of my favorite story re Scots and alcohol. Lord Monboddo, an eccentric 18th-century judge, was hearing the case of a man who murdered his wife in a fit of drunkenness. Monboddo was horrified: “If he’ll do that when drunk, what will he not do when he is sober!”

@flippin eck:

Your niece is going to have a problem when she discovers the 60s.

flippin eck: Shoot — the 1950s are never coming back. Putting the genie back into the bottle is not only impossible, but prejudicial against Genie-Americans.

Oh, and all of the split-level houses of suburbia now house methlabs. Put that in (erm) your pipe and smoke it.

@chicago bureau: Not to mention that the 50s never were what those who pine for them think they were. Everyone who pines for some lost golden age is really just worshipping a fantasy.

@Prommie: Except for the time when Reagan was president. That was awesome.

I feel so happy to have escaped that hellhole. In case you missed it, Richard Dawkins spoke at OU last week as part of their celebration of Darwin’s 200th birthday. The fine OK Legislature passed the following resolution:


THAT the Oklahoma House of Representative strongly opposes the invitation to speak on the campus of the University of Oklahoma to Richard Dawkins of Oxford University, whose published statements on the theory of evolution and opinion about those who do not believe in the theory are contrary and offensive to the views and opinions of most citizens of Oklahoma.

THAT the Oklahoma House of Representatives encourages the University of Oklahoma to engage in an open, dignified, and fair discussion of the Darwinian theory of evolution and all other scientific theories which is the approach that a public institution should be engaged in and which represents the desire and interest of the citizens of Oklahoma.

And that was the modified compromise resolution. The first draft condemned the entire OU Dept of Zoology for teaching that godless evolution crap. Read it here . Things don’t look good for higher ed funding in OK. Bright side: ~3000 people showed up to hear the speech, there was only one fundie heckler, and Dawkins made a donation to Oklahomans for Excellence in Science Education.

Prommie: Admittedly, baseball in the 1950s was pretty damned cool (up to about 1957 or so). At least, if you lived in the Five Boroughs. Shot Heard ‘Round The World, the Mays Catch, the Dodgers finally win, etc.

@Mistress Cynica: Oh, now, thats not so scary. If you want to be frightened for the future of civilization, take a look at this:

Tommmcatt: It’s What Your Right Arm Is For!: I thought Genie was still the correct nomenclature. Apologies. (Admittedly, Genie is a vast improvement upon L–p St–fer, which is still widely used in racist stretches of America. Sad.)

@Tommmcatt: It’s What Your Right Arm Is For!: Goddam, that was funny.

Good news: Friend of mine could be the next Interior Solicitor.

AG doing what? The Militia Territories are already agitated enough as it is. Now he’s going to confirm their suspicions? WTF is he thinking?

I guess I should go shopping too. Glocks don’t float my boat. Might go with a nice Beretta 92FS or even an old Hi-Power. Hate to spend the money, but when I think about it, I’ve never sold a gun (or guitar) for less than I paid for it.

@fupduk: The Beretta would be cool for a full size service pistol. 1911s in .45 are a bit much for me. I have 250 rounds of 9mm 115 gr FMJ and JHP stock piled and I’ll be getting another 100 FMJs tomorrow for immediate use at the range when I get the heater from the shop. I figure I’ll get to 1000 rounds easily by the beginning of summer, and I’m looking at a .22 LR conversion kit for another three bills that should pay for itself in shooting another 1000 rounds of the rimfire cartridge.

The cans in the recycle bin are looking over here with some justifiable suspicion.

@chicago bureau: Yeah, and some of us would have even had our own special section to sit in!!

I have absolutely no clue what owning a gun has to do with freedom of speech. This to me makes about as much sense as the Limey belief that a ‘good’ accent in some way indicates virtue.

@lynnlightfoot: It’s not just OK. I was held up to ridicule by my maths master when I was discovered reading Balzac during a free period. And I was almost expelled when I was caught reading Norman Mailer.

@Benedick: My buying a new one in response to Holder was a form of political speech. I am now in the same class of persons as old hippies and assorted leftists who waive anti-war signs at traffic on a major intersection here every Friday at noon.

Everything is political.

@mellbell: Oh snap! The scales have fallen from my eyes!

@redmanlaw: Very glad about all the instruction and whatnot. Seems eminently sensible before taking the Glock Flesh-Shredder® for a spin round the block.


Glocks? Berettas? Why oh why won’t anyone think of the Smith and Wessons?
(you’re supposed to hear Reverend Lovejoy’s wife’s voice for that sentence.)
Might I recommend a S&W 5904? With Hogue grips and a 25-round magazine, the center of gravity is exactly in the center of your palm. Very sweet. Of course, as you empty the clip, it starts to feel like it normally does – which is still pretty darn fine. Plus, it is made in my sort-of hometown.
Speaking of guns, a right-wingish friend of mine who insists on forwarding conservative joke emails sent me one this morning. Picture of a pistol with the barrel facing backwards – “Handgun for Liberals and Democrats.” Hoo-boy, that one’s a knee-slapper! Cuz, you know, liberals should definitely all shoot ourselves in the face! Haw, haw!

@flippin eck:

It’s kinda cute that your sister and brother-in-law are lost in the 50s, so long as they don’t want to impose the 50s on the rest of us, of course.

@Original Andrew: Can we have the smoking and the 3 martini lunches back, at least?

@redmanlaw: I love my 1911, but I don’t chew through ammo like you do, especially since I moved back east. Something very satisfying about that thump they make.

@Jebediah: Good point. My house is insured by Smith & Wesson.

@Jebediah, fupduk: : I briefly had a Model 66 .357 that was stunningly accurate but some clown lightened up the trigger so it didn’t go bang all the time.* Traded it in for my snubby Ruger SP 101, which I absolutely love. I made up a nice .357 target load for it that I can shoot all day. I already had a GP 100 in .357, plus the .22 LR/.22 mag Single Six. Look for them on the Jam some day.

* The S&W Model 66, plus a Savage Model 99 in .308, shamelessly exploited by an unrepentant leftist minority lawyer for political purposes

Back at the old lit zine, one of the poets (I was the only non-MFA infiltrator) was a sweet kid who told stories about Ginsberg coming on to him at a retreat.

All very Eugene. But he also had a traditional taste for firearms, and the expertise to back it up. That’s when I learned not to presume somebody’s politics from their cultural background.

Is it just me or is there something vaguely… I don’t know… sexual about all this gun talk? “… the center of gravity is exactly in the center of your palm… Target load… shoot all day… unrepentant leftist minority lawyer for political purposes.”

More than just a little suggestive? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying.

@Benedick: I dunno, a long tube-like device that ejects things out the end? And kills people? Nothing phallic about that at all.

@Benedick: No, it’s definitely not just you. But making that kind of comparison in the wrong crowd will definitely make you unpopular, much like a comparison between a driver’s sexual self-image and the size of their SUV.

ADD: See also the pudgy, baby-faced nerd in the lane next to me when I took my gf shooting a few weeks ago. He was shooting nothing but 9mm and larger handguns (each shot reverberating in our chests like too-near thunder), and fairly screamed, “I am in control in this situation, and you can’t fucking take that away from me!” Seriously. T-shirt read “Geek by nature” on the front, and “Linux by choice” on the back.

@Benedick: You forgot “reach out and touch someone.” I love my 2WD Toyota Tacoma, by the way.

Ask IanJ sometime about pistons, arms, getting wet, sliding and Monkey Lights. And the injuries.

@IanJ: I think a lot of people her go for the gold plated pig of a truck or an SUV because they have shitty lives in addition to the other reason you’ve identified. We’re in Santa Fe, where even the well to do can be made to feel poor, depending on who you hanging with, and you see low level state employees with the humongo Lincoln or Caddy SUV, the monster truck, or the shitty little car with the expensive rims, that gets parked every night in front of the run down tract house in the working class hood or the mobile home with the tires on the roof and a busted up swing set in the dirt yard.

I commute about 3 hours every day, and to pass the time I listen to Howard Stern. One of the regular features on his show lately are prank phone calls, and very often, the deliberately call people in the deep south.

And the amazing thing to me is the regular pattern of response you get from angry southern males (this pattern also comports with my memories of conflicts with angry southern males).

Its almost automatic, once the prankster gets nasty to the southerner, or the southerner realizes he is being had, I would say fully 80% of the time, the southerner threatens to stick a gun up the callers ass. Guns are apparently deeply intertwined with anal rape fantasies, for southern men.

They NEVER simply threaten to shoot the caller. They ALWAYS threaten to stick the gun up their ass. Its strange, really.

The other interesting thing is that the southern dudes simply cannot curse worth shit. “Son of a bitch” is clearly considered a bad one, and they just can’t rise to “motherfucker” at all. “Gosh durn, you son of a bitch, you come around here and I will stick my shotgun up your ass” is a typical enraged redneck tirade.

@IanJ: There is a subset of geek that turns into a very very angry and dangerous sociopath later in life. I mean, most of the geeks develop compassionl, having been downtrodden, they are very empathic and understanding. But some geeks harbor a murderous rage and become power-hungry, vindictive tyrants once they have some power. That character at Dunder Mifflen, the Assistant (to) the Regional Manager.

@IanJ: Fucking Linux ideologues. Makes a great server, but keep that shit off my Mac.

@redmanlaw: I keep a Model 65. It was NOS South Carolina Hiway Patrol Surplus. Stainless with fixed sights, which I like, because I don’t have to worry about it banging around. I like your Ruger, it looks like the frame is a little heavier than an S&W K.

@Benedick: I’m compensating for the fact that my convertible is slow.

@fupduk: Junior Brown “Highway Patrol”. Prommm would dig it, too.

@nojo: Honestly, ideologues could give me a wide berth, and I would die happy. Doesn’t much matter what the concept is, and whether I support it or not, fanatics rub me the wrong way.

It’s also the D-Boys’ (aka Delta Force) weapon of choice.

Agreed. I think there was a chance I might have ended up to be one of those deranged types. But sometimes all it takes is a kind word or metaphysical shot to the head that changes all that.

@redmanlaw: Well now if you’re talking trucks….! God I want a truck. A huge big red one! All shiny and… red! with like chrome knobs everywhere and a trailer-hitch and shit. And flaps that say Back off faggit! That would be soooooo awesome.

@Prommie: most of the geeks develop compassion, having been downtrodden, they are very empathic and understanding

Who are these fabled geeks you speak of? If you can’t understand something as fucking simple as fucking computers and fucking programming, we have no use for you. We only put up with you because your robot replacements are still in beta at MIT.

@Benedick: With the naked boy or naked girl mudflaps? I bet one of Prom’s guys could cut you a deal.

@redmanlaw: With like Rambo on the mudflaps ‘n’ shit.

Mrs. RML on the right to “bare arms”in the Santa Fe New Mexican today.

@Benedick: You might have to settle for Yosemite Sam.


Yeah- Junior kicks ass…. I saw him do that song in Santa Cruz

Mrs RML brought it.

I suspect a lot of folks bitching about Michelle’s defined pipes are those who don’t have them.

@Mistress Cynica: Richard Dawkins spoke at OU last week
I really thought he did good work under bad circumstances in “Hogans Heroes”, and he was married to Diana Dors, and…wait, what?

Well, RWDHs are going to mail tea bags to the WH on April 1 as a symbol of “discontent”.

@Prommie: I couldn’t stand to watch the whole Britney thing. Is this the performance where she split the crotch out of her costume?

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