It Hurts When I Do This

Idiots

There are bears in the woods. There are sharks in the ocean. And, once a year, there are bulls running on the streets of Pamplona.

Who the fuck does this?

To steal a phrase Tom Lehrer, if you run down a street with half a ton of angry pot roast, you might win a Darwin Award.

What Ted Nugent Said

What Ted Nugent said: “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

What New York magazine said Ted Nugent said: “So … Ted Nugent Threatened to Assassinate President Obama?”

What the Secret Service said to New York magazine about what New York magazine said Ted Nugent said: “We are aware of it, and we’ll conduct an appropriate follow up.”

What ThinkProgress said the Secret Service said to New York magazine about what New York magazine said Ted Nugent said: “The Secret Service Says They Are Investigating Ted Nugent’s Threatening Remarks Toward Obama”

What we said: Jesus Christ, folks, it’s only April.

The Born Ultimatum

The Arizona Senate passed the Birther Bill last night, which requires Presidential candidates to show either a “long-form” birth certificate — the one Hawaii’s holding back — or two of the following:

  • baptismal or circumcision certificate
  • hospital birth record
  • postpartum medical record
  • early census record

Like all Americans, we can get behind required Circumcision Certificates for Presidential candidates. Especially Michele Bachmann.

Arizona ‘Birther’ Bill A Step Closer To Law [KPHO]

We Really Wanna Know

Play of the Day: Demrat Congresscritter Bob Etheridge of North Carolina gets up close and personal with a Breitbart-affiliated Flip-wielder. We’re supposed to condemn Etheridge for manhandling the asshole who won’t identify himself (and cravenly blurs his own face on the video), but instead we’ll condemn Etheridge for later apologizing.

Hey, we don’t like snarky ambush interviews when Michael Moore does them, either.

Democratic Congressman Caught On Camera Roughing Up College Student [TPM]

Europe: Like High School, But With Ashtrays

Your favorite foreign correspondent has taken time out of her busy wine-drinking schedule to report on a bunch of fuckery happening presently:

Italy

Berlusconi, class clown, made fun of the lefty governor of the Piemonte region: Read more »

Rimshot Special: And $20,000 Without Them…

The Minnesota-Bachmann Victory Committee is charging $10,000 for a personal photo op with Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. [HuffPo, via Political Wire]

Stay Out of California Next Week, Senator Bunning

Bollocks!

Senate Democrats spent Thursday night hammering away at Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) for single-handedly holding up action in the upper chamber — but he blurted out a message to one of them on the Senate floor: “Tough s—t.”

Suit? Spit? Slat? Stat? Slit? Tell us, Politico! We can handle it.

Sen. Jim Bunning holds floor: ‘Tough s–t’ [Politico]