Move over Chelsea, today is Lisa Simpson’s wedding day!

While it’s not in the Gray Lady’s Wedding & Celebrations section (a.k.a. Gay Man’s Sports Section), the NYT shares with us the good news that back in a 1995 episode of The Simpsons, her wedding was forecast for August 1, 2010 at 1 pm in Springfield.

No word if Lisa wore one of those strapless bridal dresses that Cynica and I are tired of seeing.

Mazel tov, kids!

Radioactive Marlboros smuggled in by Zionists? Check. Paul the Octopus condemned by Ahmadinejad? Check. The Iranian people might have dumber politicians than South Carolina. [Gawker, LA Times]

Title: “The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (an adventure for 3-6 players, levels 2-5)”

Author: Carlton Mellick III

Rank: 6,574

Blurb: “If anyone out there is reading this, I need your help. I am trapped within a really terrible Dungeons and Dragons campaign and I can’t find my way out. My player is a horny 14 year old loser who won’t stop forcing me to have sex with slutty elf chicks instead of going on quests.”

Review: “This book is an awesome parody of all those caffeinated nights playing Dungeons and Dragons when you were fourteen.”

Customers Also Bought: “Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere,” by Mykle Hansen.

Footnote: We didn’t play D&D, but we knew people who did. And we were very, very frightened of them. Mainly because we feared being assimilated.

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

“Have you ever found yourself utterly repulsed by the latest immoral outrage — few of which are even cleverly disguised these days — and wondered, ‘How on earth did America succumb to such degradation?’ Have you ever wondered who opened the door to the sexual abyss?” [WND email]

The One drives the Volt 10 yards:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpK5KqplxK8

Some commentators are getting all pissy about what the Volt is and does, but baby steps. GM has fucked me over numerous times (’81 Buick Skylark, ’81 Buick Regal, ’84 Olds 88 wagon), but I’d still buy a Volt and drive it with pride. We built something good, dammit. Sure it’s been a while, but this is proof even GM can change. At least I think so … what do you think?

He’s my favorite critic, period.  “In the new movie “Inception,” Leonardo DiCaprio burrows deep into the subconscious of a self-absorbed plutocrat to plant a powerful idea that will change the world. If the technology used in “Inception” were available in real life, Mr. DiCaprio might burrow into the subconscious of Hollywood plutocrats and plant these paradigm-altering ideas: Stop making movies like “Grown Ups,” “Sex and the City 2,” “Prince of Persia” and anything that positions Jennifer Aniston or John C. Reilly at the top of the marquee.” [Wall Street Journal]

Orly Taitz, whose role in our civic life appears to be making Michele Bachmann look reasonable, is a deadbeat.

You may recall — and really, who could forget? — that America’s Most Frightening Dentist owes The Citizens of These United States a cool twenty grand because of a Vast Judicial Conspiracy designed to thwart her efforts to remove the Schvartze Usurper from the Baila House.

Well, it turns out — we hope you’re sitting down — she hasn’t paid yet.

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