Poor Cheryl Oldham. She gets a “prestigious job supporting high-ranking corporate executives” at a magazine publisher, but her working life becomes a series of nightmares straight out of The Devil Wore Prada.

Sort of.

Substitute “Nothing” for “Prada”, and you’ll understand her predicament. Seems the boss has a taste for professionals in another line of work, but his office isn’t sufficiently insulated to contain the din of their animated consulting sessions:

The prostitutes “made loud, obnoxious and repeated noises of sexual gratification that disrupted the office and (Oldham’s) ability to perform the essential functions of her job,” her lawsuit alleges.

So Cheryl takes it up with HR, but HR doesn’t want to hear about it. The boss asks her to testify against a co-worker who’s also distracted by the chanson d’amour, and when Cheryl refuses, the boss calls her a fat old cow. Disenchanted by the glamorous promise and squalid reality, she finally files a lawsuit.

And who’s the boss, you ask?

Hustler’s Larry Flynt sued over ‘loud sex in the office’ [Contra Costa Times]

U.S. Drafts Sweeping Plan to Fight Crisis As Turmoil Worsens in Credit Markets [WSJ]

And we thought Bluetooth would be the death of us.

Engineer in Deadly LA Train Crash Was Texting [WaPo]

The Fed will spray the dollars around the world via swap lines with other central banks who can then auction them in their own markets.

It’s the end of the world as we bow-chicka-wow-wow know it…

Central Banks Offer Extra Funds to Calm Money Markets [Bloomberg]

As we were about to say last Sunday before we got tired of sounding like an oracle and spiked the post, this might be the most critical week of the election: the week the caricatures settle in.

Events overtook our discussion anyway. Who cares what Sarah told Charlie? That’s a pre-9/15 attitude in a post-9/15 world. The past keeps disappearing at an alarming rate this season, and we’re sure something will happen this afternoon that makes us forget this morning. And whatever it is, Geezer will promise to reform that too, just after he tells us not worry about it.

But despite our admonition to not pay attention, we do peek at polls occasionally, especially if they promise to enlighten us beyond who leads among 1,100 adults stupid enough to answer the phone.

Even if takes — let’s see — seven grafs to find what we’re looking for.

And sure enough, what we find is this: Nothing has changed. Including the fact that everyone continues to ignore the only consistent statistic all year: your age.

If you’re under 45, odds are 3-2 you support Obama. If you’re over 65, the odds reverse. In between, even. You can chart that with a ruler, left to right.

This election is a war on Boomers, and it has been from the start. Sarah Palin didn’t change that, probably because anyone her age or younger can see what an idiot she is without the intercession of Uncle Charlie.

Everything else is a smokescreen, mildly interesting chatter at best. If you expect to live until at least 2035, you’re voting for your future. If your chances of surviving McCain’s first term rival McCain’s, you’re begging for one more chance to fuck up the world royally before passing what’s left of it to the next generation.

McCain Seen as Less Likely to Bring Change, Poll Finds [NYT]

So, while we were bravely rescuing Cynics Party commenters from being cast adrift on an ice floe, apparently Geezer said the economy is sound, and then he didn’t, which was before or after he pulled a Gore and claimed squatter’s rights on the Crackberry, but definitely before Failed HP CEO Carly Fiorina said he doesn’t have the cojones to run a Fortune 500 company, while we discovered that Talibunny lurves them tanning beds, which makes the odds of Geezer croaking first from skin cancer less certain.

Oh, and Nader’s talking to parrots.

We give up. Just throw the election into a blender and we’ll check back later.

Nader. Parrot. Awesome.