This is Herman Cain!

“We need a leader, not a reader.” —Herman Cain!, explaining today why foreign-policy briefings are for sissies. [TPM]

“That is not a practical, top-tier alternative and here’s why. If you look at the topography of Iran. Where are you going to strike? It’s very mountainous. That’s what makes it very difficult.” —Herman Cain!, also from Monday’s interview, explaining why he wouldn’t attack a nuclear Iran. [ThinkProgress]

“I’m not supposed to know anything about foreign policy. Just thought I’d throw that out.” —Herman Cain!, defending his Libya answer by arguing that a president’s job is to listen to “commanders on the ground”. [JSOnline, via Political Wire]

Herman Cain! rolls out his hilarious! James Stockdale impression: “President Obama called for the removal of Gaddafi. Just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say, yes I agree, I know I didn’t agree. I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reason — no, that’s a different one. I gotta go back to… Got all this stuff twirling around in my head. Specifically, what are you asking me, did I agree or not disagree with on what?” [Political Wire]

Not content to let Deranger Rick and Penn State steal the spotlight, Herman Cain! roars back today with a new website devoted to smearing his accusers getting out the truth about the Vast Perry/Romney/Obama/Media/Reality Conspiracy that will not rest until he’s taken down.

His lead post relates an Atlanta TV story that proves beyound doubt his innocence:

Private investigator TJ Ward said presidential hopeful Herman Cain[!] was not lying at a news conference on Tuesday in Phoenix.

Cain[!] denied making any sexual actions towards Sharon Bialek and vowed to take a polygraph test if necessary to prove his innocence.

Cain[!] has not taken a polygraph but Ward said he does have software that does something better.

Ward said the $15,000 software can detect lies in people’s voices.

Okay. First, we’d love to see how his Truth Software handles Apple’s Siri. But let’s see how Herman Cain! fares:

Read more »

So, is there a Vast Liberal Media Conspiracy to keep Herman Cain! from the White House? His smokin’ campaign manager has proof!

Herman Cain campaign manager Mark Block, in an appearance with Sean Hannity on Fox News just now, insisted that a relative of the second woman to publicly accuse the candidate of sexual harassment in the 1990s works at POLITICO.

“Her son works at POLITICO,” Block said of Karen Kraushaar, whose name POLITICO printed earlier today after other media outlets made her identity public.

As it happens, Josh Kraushaar was indeed a Politico reporter last year.

But by a nutty coincidence, Josh Kraushaar and Karen Kraushaar are — wait for it — unrelated.

Cain aide wrongly insists they’ve ‘confirmed’ accuser’s son works for POLITICO [Politico]

We don’t normally cover news conferences, but we can’t resist what Herman Cain! has to say about the lovely ladies in his life — which he’ll be doing live on (at least) CNN in fifteen minutes.

Plus, we also can’t resist the really naughty implications of the photo reference.

So welcome to our impromptu Open Thread/Vagina Monologue. Because if you know anything about the movie, you also know it’s famous for, um, deep focus.