Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

Herman Cain! rolls out his hilarious! James Stockdale impression: “President Obama called for the removal of Gaddafi. Just want to make sure we’re talking about the same thing before I say, yes I agree, I know I didn’t agree. I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reason — no, that’s a different one. I gotta go back to… Got all this stuff twirling around in my head. Specifically, what are you asking me, did I agree or not disagree with on what?” [Political Wire]


Dude, lay off the weed until after the election.

@Dodgerblue: Perhaps he and Perry can get a group discount at Betty Ford.

Meanwhile, in Wasilla: “Why didn’t I jump in? Why? Why? WHY???!!!”

@Mistress Cynica:
Betty Ford is too low key for Cain. Celebrity Rehab would be more his style.

@nojo: She’s planning a coronation at the convention.


I don’t follow these things closely. Do they have Celebrity Sex Rehab? If so, Cain! would be a star.

So, how is it exactly that someone with a conscience and even half a brain can attend one of these RepubliKKKan “debates,” and not immediately stand up, point, and uncontrollably yell “YOU MORONS! YOU GAWDAM PSYCHOTIC MORONS!” especially when Queen KKKrazee Eyes herself is wistfully wondering why we can’t be more like the grotesquely impoverished peasants of a communist police state? Is it some kind of mass insanity? Have the moderators propagandists had a frontal lobotomy?

It feels like we’re looking for the stupidest person in America to elect as president.

P.S. I think I broke something laughing at the HotAir comment thread:

This is all very good but who’s running in 2012 who has better communication skills than [Palin]? Who?

In the words of the inimitable Dorothy Fields. (Hint: Sweet Charity)

Where am I going?
And what will I find?
What’s in this grab-bag that I call my mind?
What am I doing alone on the shelf?
Ain’t it a shame,
No one’s to blame, but myself…
Which way is clear?
When you’ve lost your way year after year?
Do I keep falling in love
For just the kick of it?
Staggering through the thin and thick of it,
Hating each old and tired trick of it.
Know what I am,
I’m good and sick of it!
Where am I going?
Why do I care?
Run to the Bronx, or Washington Square,
No matter where I run I meet myself there,
Looking inside me, what do I see?
Anger and hope and doubt,
What am I all about?
And where am I going?
You tell me!
Where am I going?
Why do I care?

You can’t spell pizzaz! without pizza.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: Oh please!


The minute you walked in the joint,
I could see you were a man of distinction,
A real big spender,
Good looking, so refined.
Say, wouldn’t you like to know
What’s going on in my mind?
So, let me get right to the point,
I don’t pop my cork for ev’ry guy I see.
Hey, big spender, spend…
A little time with…me…me…me!


I believe your first clause defines the screening criteria for the audience. The bar is substantially lower for the participants.

If this is the “best” the GOPers can offer then… wow.

I will forever disregard the intelligence and competence of anyone who supports Palin, Bachmann, Cain! and Perry What?.

@Capt Howdy: Hey, Cap’n. Happy birthday.

@ManchuCandidate: Who’s on first?

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut:

Best link on that article:

Foreign policy adviser: Cain! getting smarter every day

Not really a high bar to jump over – they could enroll Cain! in a middle-school GEOGRAPHY class and be confident he was “learning something every day”.

@al2o3cr: Someone should ask him to make a pizza. On camera.

Dang liberal media and their unfair “gotcha” questions.

@Dodgerblue: This place still served a delightful herb pizza in the late 90s, but it was also still a rough-around-the-edges hangout in the tropics. Given the glitzy webpage, the only Herb! Cain! would find now is probably fennel.

So, does Nojo’s new MacBook Pro work?

Yes. Yes it does.

Sport tj/Penn State: “I Enjoy Young People”: Sandusky Thinks It Over, Tells Bob Costas He’s Not Sexually Attracted To Young Boys “Costas . . . it should be noted, managed to include the phrase ‘slap-slap-slapping’ on national television.”

@redmanlaw: His lawyer let him do this? unfuckingbelievable.

@redmanlaw: @Dodgerblue: It’s amazing how this just gets more disgusting day after day.

I find it endlessly amusing that for a few months in 1989, I was gainfully employed at the Woodinville Godfather’s Pizza restaurant. When I went to apply for a job at the Hillsboro Godfather’s (after moving one state south), I was scornfully told that my previous experience counted for nothing! because the Washington Godfather’s restaurants were run by (and I may be paraphrasing slightly here) untrained feces-slinging monkeys. So hey, Godfather’s had some standards. Kind of.

@IanJ: I was a prep cook for a Eugene pizza joint a couple of years — between reporting and grad school — but I haven’t found a way to work that in yet. Time to lean, time to clean!

@nojo: @IanJ: In college, we gamed the local pizza joint by phoning in orders five minutes before closing. Then we’d show up, chat with our good friend and neighbor Louie the Pizza Man about how much we’d love to get a couple of their 10″ personal pies to “help us with our late-night studying” and – voila! – free pizza.

hey B good to read ya
@JNOV will never finish this fucking sweater!: howdy back
@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:
the best and the most dangerous too
Larry Flynt – 1st, Pat Buchanan – 2nd, Adam Ant 3rd, Puff Daddy 4th, Ike Turner, Bob Barr 5th, King Charles II of Spain 6th, Billy Graham 7th, Bram Stoker, Michael Jackson and ME – 8th, Spiro Agnew 9th, big pun, Martin Luther 10th, Patton 11th, etc

@redmanlaw: His attorney sat next to him during that interview and let him say things like showering with the kids probably wasn’t such a good idea? Holy shit.

@Capt Howdy: Feliz cumpleanos, dude.

@SanFranLefty: I’m wondering if these guys think that no jury will convict Sandusky due to the power and influence of Penn State football, or if they’re working on a low ball plea agreement with a friendly justice system.

@redmanlaw: I’ve been wondering how someone facing 40 separate charges of child rape can get bail set at $100 K and not even be required to wear an ankle monitor or surrender his passport. Given this is the state where there was the ongoing “kids for cash” scandal with judges getting kickbacks from for-profit prison operators to send kids to jail, I’m not holding my breath that there will be a conviction.

@SanFranLefty: There’s your Heartland Values right there.

@SanFranLefty: the judge that set sandusky free was a volunteer at second mile. the d.a. that refused to present charges to the grand jury or issue a warrant (attorneys please correct my naivete of the process) in 04 or 05 has been missing for a few years now. his daughter recently had the erstwhile d.a. declared legally dead, an option that seems to me better than 9-5 rat race life as long as you can still stay physically and morally undead, or at least sorta alive. again, how bout some more legal advice. can one be legally dead and still walk this earth enjoying all the benefits and avoiding all the pitfalls? if so, how? (without being a teabagger or sovereign citizen of course. i rather just be really dead)


I just hope he doesnt get a chance to off himself before he goes to the slam and is introduced to the joys of forced bottomhood.

you know I have tried a couple of times to watch that video of him from like 20 years ago where he is talking about being a “frustrated playground director” and cant make it to the end.
Stephen King could not come up with anything more creepy or disturbing.

I cant stop watching that video of Cain and it absolutely cracks me up every time.

does that make me a bad person?

@Capt Howdy: news out of not so happy valley is that the victim that was taken in and to san antonio, texas for the alamo bowl has alerted texas authorities. texas has requested the sandusky file from pennsylvania authorities who were warned not to ignore the request like they have done to the tampa authorities repeated requests for info on what happened at the outback bowl. texas don’t play. sandusky is better off dead than extradited to the lone star state.

finally Texas may justify its existence

@jwmcsame: Interview with Bob Costas on last night’s Sandusky intervew, plus a link to stuff that didn’t air on NBC.

@redmanlaw: that was the only time i have ever been able to listen to costas. he did a great job.

in most counties, who decides who gets charged with shit? sheriff, chief of police, or county d.a.? is there such thing as a city d.a.? can cities bring charges? when do state police and state attorneys general step in?

@jwmcsame: Generally this would get charged by the district attorney with jurisdiction over the area in which the crime occurred. DAs are most often elected officials* and some do consider the political ramifications of going after certain people (I worked for such a guy for a year as an asst DA in my small home town). On the other hand, DAs have a special obligation under the Rules of Professional Conduct “to do justice.”

Uniformed law enforcement officers generally can file (and sometimes prosecute themselves) only low level charges on their own, stuff like traffic offenses, nothing at this level. Cities have their own legal departments and can file enforcement actions of their own ordinances such as nuisances, land use violations, etc., but most often it is the DA/state’s attorney who files major criminal charges in the name of the the People or the State. A state AG could prosecute a state official (which Sandusky might have been before he left Penn State) depending on how the state’s laws are written or could assume prosecution where local DAs are conflicted out, again, depending on state law.

* I’ve helped elect two DAs here, and came up with the slogan “Justice, Not Politics” for one of those races.

@redmanlaw: I’m a long time listener/never caller* to the DP tape delay, and just caught the first hour w/ Costas. Let me just say that there are people close to me, that work for PSU, who are sick with the fact that nobody is talking about the victims or the crimes.

*6’3″, 178 lbs.

@Nabisco: *ding!*

DP said in the first hour that’s what he’s trying to do.

T/J: shooting at UC Berkeley. Twitterverse is on it.

@Benedick: A phrase coined by a Jewish Holocaust historian, according to Michael Burleigh in Moral Combat: Good and Evil in WWII, which I read last week.

@redmanlaw: You’re a better man than I. I couldn’t get through it.

@redmanlaw: But there seems to be a culture of o merta among employees – you just don’t talk about anything except how sad you are to lose JoePa. This is causing loved ones incredible problems in the workplace.

@Nabisco: In a situation where the power structure is revealed to be corrupt, it may be the only safe response. You don’t know who to trust.

@redmanlaw: I still can’t believe that this creep got bail.

@redmanlaw: I spent some time oversharing incidents from my past the other night which have come to cause me embarrassment but my motive was to note that monsters r us. I included myself among them. We can never know what we’ll do when circumstances present themselves.

I joke that Sport is evil but I think that big money Sport is evil. It is the gateway drug to America Imperialis. Followed by Hollywood’s superhero fascination.

But those poor boys. Those poor poor boys. And their families. This will drag on for years and they will find no solace.

ESPN reports that JoPa’s pension will be in the neighborhood of $554,o00 per year, paid for by the good citizens of PA.

@Dodgerblue: But let’s bitch about the “overly generous” pensions paid to retired teachers instead. That’s what’s bankrupting this country.

Also, you do know the creep didn’t even have to post the bail right? He just has to pay if he doesn’t show up, thanks to his buddy the judge.

@Mistress Cynica: I also read that he “sold” his interest in the family home to his wife in July for $1. I guess he knew this was coming (see RML’s timeline). Note to Jerry:
read up on the Uniform Fraudulent Transfer Act, sometimes called UFTA and pronounced “fuck you.”

@Dodgerblue: I thought it was Paterno who did the creative estate planning. Was it both of them? I immediately thought of UFTA, having worked for an estates attorney for 15 years.

@Mistress Cynica: Well, whoever did it, it ain’t gonna work, plus some smart lawyer will use it as evidence of consciousness of guilt. I wonder how much insurance Penn State has.

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