• “The worst part about it is that a black guy scored” (@anthonyvigz)
• “a black guy scored the series winning goal #wtf #thisishockey” (@joey4nier)
• “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what is this would coming to a black guy scored in hockey to win the fucken game” (@olsenkid9)

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“The carnage was horrific. I saw more people stuffed into that cellar than was humanly possible. One man caressed his dead listings, crying ‘Why me, God? Why me?'”

We interrupt Mike Daisey’s absolutely true one-man show of the first weekend of the NCAA tournament with this breaking news: The Stinque Losers Braquet is now open for epistemic closure!

Braquet Queen Mellbell has stationed armed guards outside the Gates of Yahoo Hell to gather your pitiful stories. Click the Join Group button and spill your guts:

Group ID: 6698
Password: marchsadness

You have until 7:15pm ET Thursday to enter. As always, losers will be publicly shamed by an Ira Glass impersonator.

It’s March Mental Illness time again, which can only mean one thing: Cackling joy at your inability to pick the winners of amateur sporting events.

That’s right: It’s the trash-talking extravanganza of the Stinque Braquet!

Braquet Queen Mellbell has deviously plotted your destruction by creating a Yahoo Mutual Torture Society. Click the Join Group button and seal your fate:

Group ID: 114465
Password: neworleans

It’s all in good fun, right? Well, up until the moment we start shaming the losers in public.

(But, you know, there will only be one Super Bowl XLVI.  So this WILL be the last one before the Apocalypse.  So.  IS THIS THING ON?)

In terms of the battle for the bad-jokes crown: the preceding has been challenged to some Outclass Warfare by the damp squib that Occupy Super Bowl has turned out to be.  If the intent was to get attention?  At the moment — I’ve just caught the tail-end of the FIVE HOURS OF PREGAME — we have talking-heads making picks on the game.  On Twitter?  #OccupySuperBowl is nothing but a string of retweets of Cornel West.  Which is fine, but not indicative of mass revolt.

Speaking of mass revolt?  You know who did pull that off to great effect?  The Minutemen.  So it says here Patriots (-3 pts) def. Giants — it’s this year’s 10,000 STAR LOCK.

So: will Tom Brady get another ring?  Will Eli Manning get another ring?  Will the size of the diamonds on either ring indicate how much he is loved by the betrothed?  Answers, and snark on Madge and ads and NBC tie-ins, follow in this SUPER BOWL SUPER OPEN THREAD.

Our guest columnist is Tim Thomas, who plays a professional sport beloved by Canadians, and who refused to visit the White House with his team yesterday to celebrate winning a trophy named for Lord Stanley of Preston, the 1892 Governor General of Canada.

I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.

This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.

Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.

This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic.

Tim Thomas [Facebook]

On a day for team, Thomas left them shorthanded [Boston Globe]

2011 was mentally and physically draining for me. (This explains, in part, my extended absence from the whole posting thing.)  Watching the political horror show was unhelpful in this, to be honest.  I mean, there was The Donald going birther, and GOP debate audiences cheering executions and booing gay soldiers.  And who had the big mo in Iowa when the calendar ticked over?  Rick Santorum.  It was just dreadful to think about.

But 2012 has to be better.  There’s no way that it could be any…

Then Gingrich went on, incredibly, to lay out his post-Iowa strategy. “New Hampshire is the perfect state to have a debate over Romneycare and to have a debate about tax-paid abortions, which he signed, and to have a debate about putting Planned Parenthood on a government board, which he signed, and to have a debate about appointing liberal judges, which he did…. And so I think New Hampshire is a good place to start the debate for South Carolina.”

Well, that’s an outlier.  Like I said, 2012 cannot be…

Iowans I talked to at two of Romney’s campaign stops Sunday were in full agreement. So I asked them what scares them about a second Obama term. I got answers ranging from the creep of socialism to concerns that Obama’s best-known vice will encourage kids to take up smoking.

Fuck it.  There’s plenty of Sport today.  Good hockey and football on tap.  It’s a tonic for the soul, really.  The menu — besides chips, dip, pizza and beer — together with a major fashion don’t from (oh, obviously) Eugene, post-jump.

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