We don’t recall when “wonk” entered polite discourse, but if we had to place a No-Google bar bet on it, we’d date it from 1992. Sax and Cookies may have captured the popular imagination, but we still remember the stories after Clinton chose Gore: two policy geeks infatuated with each other on the campaign bus, challenging each other with their mastery of mind-numbing detail. You still see it when Clinton makes a casual appearance on, say, the Daily Show: America’s Dude just can’t help himself.

Clinton’s so good at talking, he makes you forget the blowjob. And, thanks to the example of his successor, the blowjob is barely a, um, stain on his reputation. That’s now the good old days, when we had nothing worse to worry about.

Which is why Bill Clinton can give a prime-time address tonight and nobody will snicker. And why our DNC Open Thread/Open Wide won’t be nearly as fun as it could be in a better world.

Let’s start this week’s festivities with a complete list of unionized hotels in Charlotte, North Carolina:

Oh. Right. NC’s a “right-to-work” state. Whoops! Well, just remember, Democrats are looking out for you, as long as it’s convenient. And our DNC Open Thread/Open Shop is looking out for you as well. But please, no tipping. It only spoils the help.

The fine people of the Shell oil company held a private reception at the Space Needle to celebrate the voyage of two new Arctic rigs. As part of the festivities, a mini-rig was designed to pour generous libations for the guests.

At which point a Just and Merciful God decided to fuck with them.

[via Daring Fireball]

Update:

This smelled kinda like oil-soaked fish to us (and a lot of the internet), so I called Shell, and a spokesperson told me in no uncertain terms “I can confirm that this was not a Shell event.”

Grist’s guess: The Yes Men are back, baby!

Fakey McFakerson: Mini oil rig causes massive booze spill at Shell execs’ party [Grist]

“She’s a vulgar singer who wears only panties and a bra when she sings and she stated she is the envoy of the devil’s child and that she will spread satanic teaching. This is dangerous.” —Salim Alatas, the Jakarta head of hardline Islamic Defender Front (FPI), explaining why Indonesia should ban a performance by Lady Gaga. [Reuters, via ThinkProgress]

1. She doesn’t work for Obama.

2. She doesn’t advise Obama.

3. She doesn’t work for the Obama campaign.

4. She doesn’t advise the Obama campaign.

5. She doesn’t work for the Democratic National Committee.

6. She doesn’t advise the Democratic National Committee.

7. If you don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, you’re better off that way.

The Hilary Rosen controversy is absurd [Plum Line]

Our guest columnist must have had an awesome backyard fallout shelter.

When the New Money is imposed, every American family must have a Survival Kit of highly liquid, small-denomination silver and gold coins for hand-to-hand use in an emergency.

The Ron Paul Survival Kit — now an industry standard — comes in an official World War II U.S. Army Ammo-Holder. Warning: do not keep this in a bank, but only where you can get to it during a bank holiday.

Contents: 1,000 silver dimes; 400 silver quarters; 200 silver half dollars; 20 silver dollars; 20 Silver Eagles; five $5 Gold Eagles; and one $10 Gold Eagle.

The Ron Paul Surivial Kit: $1,675.

[via Weigel]

The intern for our guest columnist deserves our sympathy.

I know I don’t usually send you emails, but Joe has a birthday coming up this Sunday, and I’m trying something new.

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