• The Carpenters.
• At age 10, seriously considered running to Canada if we were drafted.
• Farted in gym.
• Thought Holy Grail was boring on first viewing.
• Beat up a kid in fifth grade because he was the only one we could.
• Preferred the Monkees to the Beatles.
• Thought we were smoking dope one night in high school, but it turned out to be oregano.
• Flares.
• Once, during a vacation, when we were fighting with our brother in the back seat, Dad really did turn the car around and drive home.
• Didn’t consider at 21 what some asshole might think of us at 50.

Young Kagan’s Thesis on Socialism [NRO]

In our latest episode of ConLaw Obama is to Civil Liberties what MBA Bush was to the Economy, we’ve been learning the past few days that Eric “Midnight Pardons” Holder is invoking a “public safety exception” to Miranda rights that allows agents to question suspected terrorists for a few hours before letting on that they don’t have to talk. (They’re talking afterwards anyway, but we’ll let Liz Cheney lie about that one.)

We’ll get to the details in a moment, but the exception is based on a 1984 Supreme Court ruling that Holder has been artfully interpreting. Under the ruling, if there’s an immediate danger to address, you can wait a moment before pulling out the Miranda card. Holder waited more than a few moments in the cases of the Underwear Bomber and the Times Square Nickname Pending, and now he wants to formalize his improvisation:

The public safety exception was really based on a robbery that occurred back in the ’80s and something to do with a supermarket. We’re now dealing with international terrorists, and I think that we have to think about perhaps modifying the rules that interrogators have and somehow coming up with something that is flexible and is more consistent with the threat that we now face.

Because, as they say, two failed bombings changed everything.

Of course, we understand what Holder’s getting at. Both Miranda and its exception were based on everyday cop-show crimes. Here we’re facing potential networks of violent crime, something we’ve never seen before. Unless you count the Mafia. Or gangs. Or the Weathermen.

But since we’re stuck with the issue this week, let’s ground ourselves before the abstractions start hitting the fan.

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• iPads arrived.
• Brief rupture of the space-time continuum.
• Stock-chart mixup with Rocky & Bullwinkle graphic.

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So we were thinking of writing something about Douchebag Joe taking a dump on the Constitution (breaking: Sun rises in East), or the Beeb’s election-night spaceship (what? no CNN holodeck?), or Toyota promising that “your safety will continue to be a top priority” (a top priority? not the?), or even Kim Kardashian getting “death threats” from Justin Bieber fans (don’t ask), but then we saw the Cinco de Mayo trailer for the Robert Rodriguez Grindhouse-inspired Machete — which Drudge Junior resentfully calls “An Anti-Government Revenge Fantasy Only the Protected Class Gets Away With” — and there went our evening.

Hey Arizona, Don’t Fuck With This Mexican… MACHETE has some Cinco De Mayo words for you!!! [Ain’t It Cool News]

Update: Fox is pulling down the YouTube versions, so you’re stuck with visiting AICN for the trailer.

Our guest columnist this morning is Gene Andrews, 1st Lieutenant, 3rd Marine division, Vietnam.

I have always been proud of my time spent as an officer in the United States Marine Corps. I served in the Republic of Vietnam in 1969 and, while I was certainly no “John Wayne” type, I tried to do my duty to the best of my ability and I did bring all of my platoon out of Vietnam alive.

This past summer, the son of a frend of mine was very ‘gung ho’ about joining the Marines and asked my opinion, which I tried to give as honestly as possible, warts and all. I don’t know if my discussions had any influence on him, but he enlisted, completed all of the pre-enlistment tests and physical exams and went to all of the pre-enlistment meetings. To say the least, he was very excited about serving his country in the Corps.

Shortly before he left Nashville for boot camp, he was told he could not serve his country because he had a Confederate Battle Flag tattooed on his shoulder in an area that would be completely covered by a t-shirt, and certainly by his uniform.

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Glenn Beck would like you to know that Mother’s Day is a communist plot:

Our sponsor this half hour is the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. Vermont Teddy Bear is getting ready for Mother’s Day weekend.

Can you believe Mother’s Day week— By the way, Sarah and I were talking on Saturday and she didn’t believe me, or it was on Friday, and she didn’t believe me. And I said, Mother’s Day, it’s a scam. It’s a big business scam. And I said, I bet it was started by Woodrow Wilson. Look it up, Sarah. And she didn’t. I said, look it up. She’s like, no, I’m not going to look it up. I said, look it up, I’ll bet you, I’ll bet you. Mother’s Day? Started 1914. Woodrow Wilson. Hate that guy. Love my mom. Hate the holiday.

Now, you could go to Hallmark because Hallmark and Woodrow Wilson would like you to do that. But there’s something new from Vermont Teddy Bear: Three handmade teddy bears in pink, green, and white…

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSNPFVLIWjI

You may have seen GM CEO Ed Whitacre busting his buttons on the teevee the other day: “We have repaid our government loan,” said the proud papa. “In full, with interest, five years ahead of the original schedule.”

Since GM had only sixty seconds to make the case, there must not have been time for the qualifier — GM’s TARP loan was paid with funds from another government loan:

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