Dark Secrets From Our Youth

  • The Carpenters.
  • At age 10, seriously considered running to Canada if we were drafted.
  • Farted in gym.
  • Thought Holy Grail was boring on first viewing.
  • Beat up a kid in fifth grade because he was the only one we could.
  • Preferred the Monkees to the Beatles.
  • Thought we were smoking dope one night in high school, but it turned out to be oregano.
  • Flares.
  • Once, during a vacation, when we were fighting with our brother in the back seat, Dad really did turn the car around and drive home.
  • Didn’t consider at 21 what some asshole might think of us at 50.
Young Kagan’s Thesis on Socialism [NRO]

I’m sure all the McConnell apologists will come out of the woodwork to defend this as an “academic exercise”, just like they did his thesis about how conservatives need to ignore the electorate to impose their will on society (plus the delightful “GB2Kitchen” bits).

Right? ;)

Fuque you! You made me go to NRO and I read whole paragraphs of tripe so dripping with smug I will feel unclean for a week.

Just got back from early morning hike with pack through wondrous morning of freshness and new green. Also, Canada geese with tiny goslings swimming after mom while rest of flock hurled threats at the dogs.

While walking I had an idea (yes, I know, doesn’t happen often). I seem to be hearing Kagan referred to as Miss, instead of the customary – these days – Ms. Is this a new talking point? As far as Republicans are concerned, Ms is always a euphemism for Mrs. Then is ‘Miss’ a euphemism for ‘Dirty Lezbo’? They do seem to be stressing it and they have that nincompoop who tells them all about whut worz meen and stuff so there is usually a method to their stupidity.

I barfed in my boss’ car after a bad night of boozing. Does that count?

@Benedick: Re: the insulting use of “Miss” – I think Dean Kagan should come out of the closet as a VIRGIN. Imagine the Conservatard head asplosions.


I got into business school! Holy #@%^!

And I hope you’re holding onto something ‘cause it’s a (gulp!) Catholic University (!!).

Good thing I checked ‘sodomy’ as my favorite extracurricular on the application.

@Original Andrew:

I take it that you look young enough to be an altar boy?


I did spend quite a bit of time describing my “smooth, sweet, tight ass” in the essays. That must’ve done the trick.

Can’t wait for grad student orientation with the Jesuits; I won’t be able to sit down for a week.

@Original Andrew: Congrats!!!! You’ll feel right at home. Only thing gayer than Catholic U is Republican Party HQ. Once you graduate you can go straight to Goldman Sachs and shit on the rest of us.

@SanFranLefty: Elena Kagan, Spinster. But Dean Kagan, indeed. As in Governor Palin.

@Original Andrew: Ask for the flagellants. They are so fun.

@Original Andrew:
congratulations. the business world needs your sensibility I think.

as far as childhood. I always hated the carpenters, captain kangaroo and mr rodgers. even when I was very small I was a nihilistic snob.

@Capt Howdy:
i too HATED the kangaroo, and mr. rodgers is obviously a pedophile.
someone here was hit on by the captain, which trumps my getting hit on by peter o’toole at the beverly hills hotel. he’s 142 now. i very politely asked him, “but aren’t you a gay person?” that’s right, after 2 husbands who left me for men, i’m sharp now.


being hit on by Captain Kangaroo.
getting my head around that . . . .

@baked: He was a reformed gay. As was Patrick McGoohan and Sean Connery Alan Bates.

Reformed Gay is not unlike Reformed Methodist but with better music and clothes.

just like my brother-in-law! i’ve seen the reformed up close.
and it ain’t pretty, like he is.

@Capt Howdy:
i know! isn’t that hilarious? it may be cynica….
speak up…we want details!

and damn it nojo…i have things to do! and i have to do them with kind of hush rattling around my head!!
there’s a kind of hush, all over the world tonight….
when will i learn to go to the pharmacy BEFORE i read stinque.

Have you guys heard Sonic Youth doing “Superstar”? Awesome version.

no…post it! just want to say hi to you before i go off on errands giggling like a ninny from ALL of you!

there’s a kind of hush, all over the world tonight
all over the world people just like us are falling in love…

happy Imbolc officer Mooney!

Police officers have been given the right to take days off to dance naked on the solstices, celebrate fertility rituals and burn Yule logs if they profess pagan beliefs.

The Pagan Police Association claimed yesterday that it had been recognised by the Home Office as a “diversity staff support association” — a status also enjoyed by groups representing female, black, gay, Muslim and disabled officers.

Endorsement would mean that chief constables could not refuse a pagan officer’s request to take feast days as part of his or her annual leave. The eight pagan festivals include Imbolc (the feast of lactating sheep), Lammas (the harvest festival) and the Summer Solstice (when mead drinking and naked dancing are the order of the day).

@Original Andrew: Congrats! Do you have to do a summer internship counting the gold and jewelry at the Vatican? Are there crucifixes in the classrooms?

@baked: @Capt Howdy: It was actually Cynica’s much more beautiful and voluptuous friend who was hit on by the good Capt and traumatized for life. At Michael’s Pub in NYC on a night when Woody Allen was playing clarinet, or whatever it is. Phyllis George (remember her?) was at the Capt’s table, which was next to ours.

@Original Andrew:

you will need some jokes to take with you. got this one yesterday:

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:”And do you men know Jesus Christ?”
They shook their heads and looked at each other… very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,”Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”
One of the steelworkers yelled down, “Why?”
The worker yelled back, “‘Cause his wife’s here with his lunch.”

I loved abba. Thats OK now, I guess. I had a red plaid leisure suit, not a natural fiber in it.

Looking at this picture, for the first time ever I can kind of understand why someone once said that I look like Karen Carpenter. Less pointy in the chin area, but close.

morning quiz. (just learned a new phrase)

without googling define a “dickey do”

@Original Andrew:

Heh. Congrats.

There is such a thing as a cute priest, you know…

@ Everyone,

Thank you! I’m thrilled in that it’s an amazing opportunity with the potential for big changes for me, but also a bit scared since I’m signing up for three more years of college. In many ways, it’ll be like going to college all over again. Should I live on campus? (hee hee).

I’ve worked for two companies that were exceptionally well run, and also one that was totally mismanaged, so I’ve got lots of ideas on how things can be done much better, especially with regards to management’s relationship to the rank-and-file.

Now I just have to pass Business Calculus to become a Master of the Business Apocalypse.

@Capt Howdy:



They do have simple crosses in some classrooms. I noticed that when I took my GMAT prep class. I’m sure it’ll be all penguins brandishing rulers in the fall.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg:

Three words: Catholic college boys.

Three more words: Hawt hawt hawt.

@Original Andrew: You’re finally out of the mail room!

@Capt Howdy: I’ve worn a dickey. And had a do. Not sure how they go together, though.

does everyone know the fruitcake lady? she’s new to me, and my new favorite person. i can’t get enough of her. she was featured on leno–who i never watch, and she’s dead. but she lives on in the youtubes.
she is who i want to be when i grow up…ENJOY!


well, it all started yesterday with the missing notebook mail I think I posted here. first the art director sent out this photoshop smackdown of the producer. (while it is really only his head it could easily have really been his body as well) then the producer fired back this horror of the art director with the caption “she took it”.
at which time I was acquainted with the term dickey doo.
defined in the urban dictionary as:

Your belly sticks out farther than your dickey do

The right has spent the last two years hysterically hollering that Barack Obama is a Marxist who sympathizes with the goals of Al Quaeda. Do you think anyone is going to take what they say about Kagan seriously?

At age 10 Benedick was the youngest consul ever elected to the Roman Senate.

@Benedick: Ugh, when I was in 9th grade, my English teacher gave an entire lecture based around the difference between “miss” and “ms.” Apparently, she was annoyed by the fact that half the class referred to the Great Expectations character as “Ms. Havisham” in their essays.

@Original Andrew: I do believe congratulations are in order, sir. Just promise me you won’t become the next Jeffrey Skilling, okay?

@Everyone: China clears murderer after ‘victim’ shows up alive.

BTW. From the Proud to be Limey Dept comes breaking news from British Petroleum: they know how to fix the leak. Golf balls!

@SanFranLefty: Brilliant! To be known to posterity as the Virgin Justice.

@JNOVjr: That she is Miss Havisham is kind of the point of the story, no? Maybe teach didn’t make that distinction clear?

@Capt Howdy: Right. You people do actually do stuff and shit like work, yo?

I know ‘dickey’ as a button-on shirt-front worn under tails. I won’t go into ‘do’ since Jr’s here.

i have to point out that kagan would make 3 tribe members on the bench.
oy gevalt, what next? a black man in the white house?
i’d like to see judge sheindlin up there.
fuck you, aryan nation. who you got?

OA, congrats hunnie! just don’t let it cut into your stinque time…

Can I just mention how disappointed I am that Benedick didn’t slam back when I made an oblique, shady reference to his age? I expected a leveling blow.


@redmanlaw: I have the Barbie-doll “Superstar” movie on a disc somewhere. The camerawork is awesome.


I thought a “dickey” was a fake turtleneck without the sweater.

BREAKING HARD: Gordon Brown resigns as PM.


Don’t worry. The university that I’ll be attending is packed with all those feel-good social justice and social responsibility Catholics, which is one of the main reasons I applied to their program. According to the wingtards, Jesus despises them almost as much as he hates the gheyz.

They have the Jesus in Catholicism, right? Or is it all about La Virgen Maria? I’m gonna need to read up on that.

and no sisters. hmmmm. you win.


Hey where’s Ruthie?

I can’t stop giggling when I see her double-bird salute.

Yes, I’m 10 years old.

Speaking of the Carpenters, I still know all the lyrics to “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft.”

@Benedick: =3= Hey, I’m not in 9th grade anymore.

@Original Andrew:
ruthie is safe in my documents.
still in a cage match with gravatar, the bastards.

oh, and having spent all that time seeing everything there was to see in jerusalem, i took all the church tours. amazing, beautiful catholic churches stock full of baby jeebus, adolescent jeebus, lots of cross jeebus’ yes, he’s bigger than elvis with the catholics.
i think he was a great guy who spins in his grave.

@Original Andrew: Yes, he’s that guy on that cross thingie.

this has probably been covered (no pun intended) but that is from a collection called “If I Were A Carpenter”

pretty good stuff.

always liked the Keenesque cover art.

@baked & @redmanlaw:

I’m actually a big fan of happy, hippie Jayzus. It’s many of his followers that I have muchos problemas with.


That SY cover was beautiful, thank you.

@JNOVjr: Hey, I’m not in 9th grade anymore.

Hey, everyone here is still in 9th grade.

@Capt Howdy: ‘

I like that creepy cover of “Don’t You Remember You Told Me You Love Me”. And that J-pop version of “Top of the World” was my ex-boyfriend and my song.


Oh my god, who doesn’t?

I’m sorry, the Carpenters were some brilliant shit.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg:

many of those covers seem to bring out the latent creepiness of their songs.

You people are scaring me. I’m going to bring up Captain & Tennille if you don’t stop.

The best thing about 8-tracks dying is that it provided a convenient excuse to bury the evidence.



wait, I mean HOW could you not like Love Will Keep Us Together?

@nojo: Yeah, but I miss my Foghat. Actually Mrs RML still has an 8 track and some tapes, which we’ll be selling at our yard sale this week.

I remember a conversation I had in the 90s with a collector of “laser discs” about how they would never be surpassed or discontinued.

What was with Stone Temple Pilots stealing that weird riff from the Carpenters, and putting it in Promises, was that the song? No, no, on edit, its the beginning of Interstate Love Song, its totally the Carpenters, as is the chorus.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: I know it hurts to be ignored, darling, but the second Benedick saw noj’s post about the Barbie-Superstar movie he had to get on the phone to the caterer to plan the coming out party.

@baked: “a great guy who spins in his grave” That’s the best characterization of him I’ve ever heard. I haven’t told you lately that I love you, baked. I do.

@Tommmcat Still Gets Carly Confused With Meg: Sorry. Had to suddenly go to bed. Was up very early hiking the Appalachian Trail. It goes right past here.

Wait. Noje came out again? That’s adorable!

@nojo: Oooh, what about ’70s Elton John?? Levon? Daniel? Rocket Man? I love that shit.

@Mistress Cynica: Wait, what? I didn’t even know about Douglas Sirk until Todd Haynes filmed the homage.

@SanFranLefty: It’s been awhile, but I think I can still recite the running order of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.

@Capt Howdy: Hey, man, laser disks are alive and well. My high school used them to teach us Spanish.

@Prommie: Sorry to say I don’t see the resemblance. Maybe I wasn’t listening closely enough? On a related note, am I the only one that misses when STP made good music? Oh well. That’s how it goes, I guess.

@Benedick: Wait what? You live in Argentina?

Wayyyyyyy back on topic…

Keef has a prof on from the Thomas Jefferson School of Law, which is a short walk from Stinque World Domination Headquarters. Didn’t we learn sometime back that TJ isn’t in the top tier?

Hey, I was in NYC for a coupla days for my kid’s graduation. Did I miss anything? Now I’m back in Ohio for more depositions. Suffering from some serious Mexican food deprivation. May ask the taxi driver to stop at Campos Tacos on my way home from LAX on Friday.

@nojo: @nojo: Right. You’re all about the camerawork.


i woke up today to see your comment to me *blush*
i love you too! i worry about you, you don’t visit enough!
i worry about the health of your very own RB. and your sanity,
have you attacked the piles to make room for kittens?
i was very busy last night feeding stray kittens with important matters. stick around lynn!! XOXO

@nojo: The roses in the window box have tilted to one side…

Karen Carpenter had a fine contralto voice. The compositions could be treacly but that didn’t detract from the fact that she could sing.

I hope you have been working to catch up. Sirk rocks.

@Capt Howdy: Any in particular you’d recommend? Imitation of Life is in the Netflix queue already, by dint of being rated highest, but I’m open to suggestions.

@mellbell: The Sirk/Turner version, while dripping swank, is really not as good as the original with Claudette Colbert. Although look out for that opening scene in which all the main threads of the story are nailed to the floor in about 2 mins flat. Impressive.

His great period was the mid 50s: Written on the Wind, All That Heaven Allows, Interlude, Magnificent Obsession (arguably the campest of his movies), Battle Hymn, etc. He worked a lot with Rock Hudson and John Gavin (hubba hubba). He was largely ignored, apart from people in the biz, till his rep was restored by cheese-eating frogs in art houses on the left bank.

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment