Wonderfully Creepy Sculptures Carved From Bananas [Laughing Squid]

“Donald Trump will ‘probably’ run as an independent candidate for U.S. President in 2012 if he does not receive the Republican party’s nomination, he told the Wall Street Journal in a video interview on Monday.”

Trump Will ‘Probably’ Run as Independent If He Doesn’t Win GOP Nomination [WSJ]

Our guest columnist this morning is Mr. Gordon Warren Epperly of Juneau, Alaska. While unknown to the general public, Mr. Epperly is said to be prominent in the Birther Movement.

December 20, 2010

Director, Gail Fenumiai
State of Alaska
Department of Elections
P.O. Box 110017
Juneau, Alaska 99811-0017

In Reg: Objection to Certification of Elections

Dear Director of Elections, Gail Fenumiai

We just finished up a contentious election for the Office of Senator for the Congress of the United States. It appears that Lisa Murkowski has received the majority of votes cast, but there is a problem — Lisa Murkowski is not qualified for the Office of U.S. Senator as she is not a citizen of the United States under Article I of the Constitution for the United States.

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Warning: Do not watch this video if you are pregnant, nursing, or prone to abusing house pets.

This morning’s contestant on America’s hottest new reality quiz show is Jack Cashill of WorldNetDaily, who has a pressing question: Who doctored the Barack Obama bench photo?

The bench is real. The grandparents are real. The wall behind them is real. Barack Obama is not. He has been conspicuously photoshopped in. Who did this and why remains as much a mystery as Obama’s extended stay in New York.

Actually, Barack Obama has been conspicuously photoshopped out, although, as Media Matters observes, the mouse-jockey forgot to remove his knee:

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So, what is Dick Armey’s teabagging FreedomWorks bitching about these days?

Tell Your Representatives to Ratify Free Trade Agreements with Columbia, Panama and South Korea

Call Your Senator to Stop Higher Fees and New Restrictions on Debit Cards!

Fire Jim Rogers

Tell Your Senator to Vote YES on Save our States Act to Halt Implementation of ObamaCare

Wait, wait, wait — what was that third item?

Fire Jim Rogers

Jim Rogers? Who the fuck is Jim Rogers? An Obama czar? NPR exec? Dick Armey’s fluffer?

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There are some obvious things to say about this story, which is why we won’t bother saying them:

A once-classified FBI memo reveals that the bureau treated a senior ABC News journalist as a potential confidential informant in the 1990s, pumping the reporter to ascertain the source of a sensational but uncorroborated tip that the network had obtained during its early coverage of the Oklahoma City bombing.

The journalist, whose name is not disclosed in the document labeled “secret,” not only cooperated but provided the identity of a confidential source, according to the FBI memo — a possible breach of journalistic ethics if he or she did not have the source’s permission.

Yes, well, there’s getting in bed with your source, and then there’s fucking his brains out, but that’s Journalism 101. If the profession needs anybody to tell them Don’t Do That, the profession has deeper problems than simple unsolicited advice will remedy.

What instead draws our attention is this detail:

The journalist “advised that a source within the Saudi Arabian Intelligence Service advised that the Oklahoma City bombing was sponsored by the Iraqi Special Services who contracted seven (7) former Afghani Freedom Fighters out of Pakistan.”

Our stern J-school prof would dock you a grade for a fact-error like that.

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Of the 1%, by the 1%, for the 1% [Vanity Fair]