Morning Sedition

Amazingly, He’s Only the Third Worst President in Our Lifetime

Richard Nixon — the last great liberal [Fox]

Today’s Odds

  • Moon crashes into Earth: 1,000,000:1
  • Ring of Fire erupts simultaneously: 1,000,000:1
  • Downton Abbey canceled: 500:1

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Confessions of a Bitter Man

We don’t know Jack Stuef. But after reading The Oatmeal’s Epic Fisking of his BuzzFeed article about the cartoonist, we feel like we know way too much about him.

And it’s very, very ugly.

If you know Jack Stuef at all, it’s likely from his stint at Wonkette, which we missed, because our strike is almost five years old. And if the name still doesn’t ring a bell, think about the Blingee calling Trig a retard.

Yeah, him.

So Jack’s moved on, but not to a better place. His BuzzFeed article, framed as a hard-hitting exposé of a comedic fraud, can easily be boiled down to a simple thought:

That asshole got away with it and I didn’t.

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My Sweet Creep

We hate Life at 40.

No, we haven’t seen it. And really, we’re sure it makes a fine evening’s entertainment.

We just hate the idea of it.

Because we’re not 40. We’re 53.

There’s nothing wrong about being 53, mind you. We’re just getting into the groove of the whole Fifties Thing, just like we do around this time every decade. First there’s the novelty, and then the novelty wears off, and then you realize there’s no going back, and then you settle in. Just like clockwork. Or grief.

And it doesn’t hurt that we’re starting to drag Barack Obama and Jon Stewart along with us. Enjoy those AARP solicitations, gang!

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She Looks Like a Sunbelt 20

You know it’s Texas when the accident witness can identify the specific Bible edition at fifty feet.

[via The Loop]

Just When We Thought We Were Out, She Pulls Us Back In

We seriously debated whether to run a Fourth Annual Thanksgiving Beheading this year, seeing as Our Exceptional Heroine is finally drifting into blessed obscurity. And then we saw some Palin 2016 chatter. No, it’s not working out for us at all.

On the Internet, Nobody Knows You’re The Artist

Saturday night, we get a weird text from Silent Creative Partner:

Someone sent me this saying, “I found this on an iPhone Background [desktop] app!”

What is “this”? Well, this:

Looks like a pen drawing on notebook paper of a boy on a swing, with “i miss u” written over the empty swing next to him, plus a few hearts. Apparently it was available for download somewhere for use as an iPhone background.

The weird part? It also looks like a pencil drawing Silent Creative Partner created fourteen years ago:

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