Today’s Odds

  • Moon crashes into Earth: 1,000,000:1
  • Ring of Fire erupts simultaneously: 1,000,000:1
  • Downton Abbey canceled: 500:1

  • Southern California falls into ocean: 1,000,000:1
  • New York freezes in seconds: 1,000,000:1
  • iPhone maps misdirect everybody to Cleveland: 1,000:1
  • Nicolas Cage stars in next Batman movie: 50:1
  • Locusts, plagues, raining frogs, colorful horses: 1,000,000:1
  • Gays get blamed: Even
  • Saturday: 1:1,000,000,000,000
How the Maya of Today Are Marking December 21 [National Geographic]

Before the Mayans kill us all.

Happy holidays. I hope 2013 is a better year for all of us.

Listening to NRA presser. Their solution: armed guards at schools. Having “no gun zones” around schools invotes crazy people to go shoot kids there. We need a national database of the mentally ill. We need more prosecution of criminals. The media is (are?) complicit. Violent video games are bad.

I don’t see how anyone with a room temperature IQ could buy where they are going here.

@Dodgerblue: The amount of self-pitying persecution complex spewing out of that man’s mouth is astounding.

ADD: Lots of retired cops and out of work soldiers coming back from Iraq. Let’s send them to defend our schools with their guns. That’s their solution to out of control guns. Lovely.

I had to stop listening to Wayne LaPierre. I am about to have a rage stroke.

Blame the media = Jews and gays. I knew they would figure it out.

On the level of fact, not that these guys care, I wonder if any of them has been on a college campus or at a high school in a troubled neighborhood lately. Hint: they have cops with guns. Didn’t stop the VMI shooter, did it?

John Boehner remains Speaker of the House after January 2: ?

@Dodgerblue: Dammit, Dodger, I knew that whole Dredel thing was going to cause the earth to crash into the sun! Look what you did, goddam it!

Lack of mental health services? Check
Enforcement needed for existing laws? Check
Media to blame? Check
Violent society to blame? Check

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, a full house of NRA strawmen! Thank you for playing, and don’t forget your lovely parting gift!

@Dodgerblue: Having a bunch of highly-trained soldiers standing around with guns didn’t stop the Fort Hood shooter, either. I’m sure a bunch of Wackenhut G4S rent-a-cops will be totally different.

How does creating a registry if the mentally ill do anything other than further marginalize a group of people who are already marginalized? Who would go on it, anyway? At what point are you crazy enough? If you’ve committed a crime we track you already.

Gah! So stupid…

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Y’know, all the bogeymen that the NRA throws up exist in Canada too. Also New Zealand, Australia. How come those folks aren’t shooting up schools like we do here?

@SanFranLefty: In Israel, everybody under age 45 has automatic weapons; if you’re in the IDF, you have your weapon with you at all times, and I mean on the street buying hummus for lunch. And yet we don’t see the crazy shit that we do here.

The solution is simple and borrowed from the Germans. When faced with nighttime bombing raids from the British during WW2, the Germans came up with an ingenious and deceptive plan without even shooting back. They simply blacked out the target city and strung arrays of lights a few miles away in the country to resemble what the target city looked like from the air lit up at night. In other words, here we are but not really. The cornerstone of the new stimulus program we will need to soften the fiscal cliff jump landing can be the construction of all new decoy schools everywhere and the cloaking of the real schools. We can station a bunch of Ted Nugent Teabagger wannabes with their personal armories inside the decoy schools to shoot back at whichever psycho happens upon the decoys in search of soft targets. This of course assumes Red Ted and the teabaggers really want to back up all the big talk and will not run away at the first sign of danger. If too many of them do run away, we can chain them to the trees like the Japanese and Viet Cong did their snipers. We can film the action and show it on the history channel since they don’t show real history anymore. Pretty good idea?

@Dodgerblue: In the promised land, gun owners undergo rigorous firearm training and mental health tests first. Then they only get 50 bullets.

@flippin eck: It is true that Saint Ronnie closed all sorts of mental health hospitals and forced thousands of the mentally ill onto the streets.


Do the doors on the decoy schools lock from the outside? Asking for a friend. :)

Having more guns has such a calming effect on a violent society.

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