Gift		Review
	Wii	We told you Grand Theft Auto only plays on a PS3 or Xbox. We told you.
	Beefstick	Only one?
	Snoopy sheets	We’ve given up telling Mom we’ve outgrown that.

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Cause		Effect
	Corner Pocket of Perdition	Asteroid caroms off Moon and hits Earth, which crashes into Mars for good measure.
	Drain of Doom	Scientists devise means to reverse spin of water in drains. Unforeseen consequence stops Earth’s rotation, gravity fails, everyone flies into space.
	Global Waring	Giant blender escapes Jupiter’s orbit, grinding everything in its path.

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The 2008 Stinque Awards for Achievement in Infamy are dedicated to Muntader al-Zaidi for Throwing Truth to Power. In honor of Mr. al-Zaidi’s world-historical service to the vituperative arts, this year’s award is a handsome Crystal Shoe created exclusively for Stinque by 24-Hour Novelties & Box Wine SuperStore of Tarzana, California.

Our categories were proposed by Stinque readers during an exhaustive nationwide search, and finalized upon receipt and tally of favors financial and carnal. Nominees may be proposed in the comments; winners will be announced next Monday during a gala ceremony broadcast live from atop the Stinque Executive Washroom.

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Suggested Speaker		Offended Group
	John Hagee	Catholics
	Jesse Jackson	Hymies
	Bill Donohue	Gooks

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“It’s hard to tell, hard to imagine what it’s like to go from 100 miles an hour to 5. I’m going to want to build a policy institute at Southern Methodist, probably write a book. And beyond that, I’m open for suggestions.”
— George W. Bush

• Hindenberg Reenactor
• Pretzel Taster
• Crash-Test Dummy

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Good news if you hoarded a dozen Elmo LIve’s and can’t flip them for black-market profit before the bill comes due: Relax! You won’t have to pay for them after all.

The bad news? We’ll all perish next week instead in a massive nuclear holocaust.

That’s the holiday forecast from Leland Freeborn of Utah, known by a few dozen locals and now thousand of L.A. Times readers as the Parowan Prophet.

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