Alternative Armageddons

Cause Effect
Corner Pocket of Perdition Asteroid caroms off Moon and hits Earth, which crashes into Mars for good measure.
Drain of Doom Scientists devise means to reverse spin of water in drains. Unforeseen consequence stops Earth’s rotation, gravity fails, everyone flies into space.
Global Waring Giant blender escapes Jupiter’s orbit, grinding everything in its path.

iPod Singularity Apple creates a music player so tiny, it triggers a black hole that consumes the solar system.
Palkyrie New Tom Cruise-Jim Carrey Nazi-assassin buddy movie smothers our collective will to live.
Cockroach Zombies Super pesticides prove so effective, they spark a global infestation of the insect undead.
Swirling Serling In a surprise twist, we’ve all been living somebody else’s dream.

Forget the economy: Killer asteroids could pose real danger [McClatchy]
37 Comments

I kinda want to see the Drain of Doom happening. It’d be fun until I run out of oxygen.

If I have to go in a global cataclysm then I’d prefer a brief flash and then poof.

What about a killer bourbon? Why aren’t scientists looking for a killer bourbon?

I like the Palkyrie. But, per WonkRefugee, I would combine it with a killer bourbon. That’d be a great way to go. Too drunk to know that you don’t even care anyway.

@WonkRefugee: I’ve got some 90-proof Ezra Brooks that I won at a gift exchange. That could pass for Armageddon with some people. Your mileage and alcohol tolerance may vary.

@rptrcub: I know. Saw that yesterday in the News. Pigs are flying.

@Benedick: Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while, yadda yadda.

I know how to survive the collapse of civilization and reversion to savagery, my favorite comic strip from the funny pages was Alley Oop, and there was this sitcom about some astronauts who went back in time to caveman times, so I am have been thoroughly prepared for the situation. Plus (I love using “plus” for “and,” its deliciously Palinesque) I read The Swiss Family Robinson like five times. I am gonna get an ostrich and break it to the saddle, or maybe a buffalo!

@Benedick: Having read it, I can say he gets no credit, its family loyalty, personal interest that prompted it.

I was prepared for Obama to “sister Souljah” the progressive loons or maybe the enviros or someone, but why teh gays?

@rptrcub: I can only assume that he’s in a coma and they had someone else write the column.

@Prommie: Because there will be the Gheyz who will be apologists for him, and because it’s the last socially acceptable group to do this to.

@rptrcub: Yeah, I like that one. I can just picture myself swirling in space going “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” until my head explodes.

Fun!

@Jamie Sommers: Hyde park, right? I was just telling stories last night about the annual holiday light crawl in Austin.

2 hr flight delay – more time to drink at the airport!

@nabisco:
The light show was a pain in the ass when I lived in Hyde Park but damn I miss it now. The year that Matthew McConaughey (sp?) got busted smoking pot and playing the bongo drums in the nude (w/ the UT quarterback, BTW), the light designs were really inspired.

@blogenfreude: He’s off for the holidays, and it was some assistant who will be fired once Cohen returns and finds all the approving e-mails.
@rptrcub: My choice as well.
@Jamie Sommers: FSM FTW!!1!!

@rptrcub: what we do not hold in common is the categorization of a civil rights issue — the rights of gays to be treated equally — as some sort of cranky cultural difference.

Thus and so. Well, since we’re giving out nice Technical Awards, I guess he’s up for something.

@nojo: Eh, throw him some kind of bone. But I highly suspect that if it were not for a member of his family who was, well, a member of the “family,” he’d be admonishing us for getting our Ghey panties in a wad.

@SanFranLefty: DRINK DRINK DRINK

@SanFranLefty: Back in the day I lived in Clarksville and would bike to a friend’s in HP and walk the lights. Vince Young was probably in day care then, of course.

Anyone heard from stinquers trying to get out of Chicago? Sounds like it’s pretty grim…
@SanFranLefty: It’s all about time management now. I recommend shots for getting you the drunkest in the shortest amount of time. Or you could just pace yourself with martinis.

@Prommie: “… but why teh gays?” Low cost: no repercussions. Demonstrate independence from teh base? Priceless!

@Mistress Cynica: Chicago Bureau emailed a Festivus Grievance yesterday about the snow at O’Hare. I’ll presume he’s still spending grandma money at the airport lounge.

@Dodgerblue: The first in a long line of Sista Souljahs.

But Cubbie, he’s not even president yet!

So? He’s already made some dubious cabinet choices. You do the math.

@rptrcub:

Still drinking at the airport. Fucking t-mobile. I pay for my day pass connection and the wireless promptly goes down. Briefly up right now.

At what point do I give up and get on BART and go home? Nothing like getting drunk at SFO on Xmas Eve.

@rptrcub: It’s not about Warren, it’s about Obama.

@SanFranLefty: OK, I’m looking at weather.gov. The easterly winds are only like 6 mph. The rain is in the East Bay, not on the peninsula. Honestly, if they can’t get their shit together within the next hour, I’d start to consider just going home to EssEff proper.

Being cooped up with your family in an area with no booze for Christmas is not worth suffering a long delay for hours on end in the airport to get there. (That goes for y’all at O’Hare, too.)

ATL is suffering only 30 min wind delays; O’Hare is still fucked up royally as are Newark and JFK. LaGuardia shows all clear for some reason.

@rptrcub:
The problem isn’t really here at SFO – overcast here but the visibility is better than in the summer with the fog – it’s that the delays in Seattle and Portland mean that the plane I’m supposed to get on is sitting on the tarmac in Sea-Tac running out of jet fuel and had to go get more fuel (I shit thee not, that was the announcement they just made). Oh and another plane apparently fucked up the de-icing process and so that created total drama in Sea-Tac and so now everything is a humango clusterfuck.

@SanFranLefty: Get out by 3PM or it will take you hours to get get home. At least you and ChiBureau are somewhere with a bar. I’m worried about flippin, who was taking the train from Chicago. Read on CNN that people were stuck overnight at Union Station with no fucking heat.

@Mistress Cynica:
The airport is on Mr. SFL’s way home from work, and he drove today. So he could pick me up on his way home from work.

The plane I’m supposed to get on is supposed to land here within an hour.

I need to find a spot to charge my laptop.

@SanFranLefty: Oh yeah, de-icer fumes got into an Alaska Airlines plane and sent 7 people to the hospital. It’s a total clusterfuck in SeaTac and PDX. And on the ground: it took IanJ 22 hours to get from Seattle to Portland via Amtrak. Go home. Save yourself. You and I both know in our hearts that your aunt isn’t going to know you’re there. Go home and light a candle for her and your grandmother, and celebrate Xmas as they’d want you to: with the man you love and a pitcher of martinis. Hugs, darling.

@Mistress Cynica: Truer words have never been spoken. My version will involve 90-proof whiskey, however.

@SanFranLefty: Darling, go home. You did your bit. You can forward weather reports to loonies and go visit your great aunt at a time that suits you.

Plane is here, boarding in a few minutes. See y’all in a couple days (unless I find tubez). feliz navidog

@SanFranLefty: FSM be with you. You have my number if you need it.

Add a Comment
Please log in or register to post a comment