See this curly fry I’m holding up? It’s an energy-saving fluorescent light bulb, designed to give your home the same loving warmth you enjoy at the office. We know you like to pretend to be environmentally responsible — it’s that “personal virtue” the vice president used to talk about, before he got into testing car batteries on swarthy brown people. It’s why you’re likely to buy a hybrid to complement that SUV in your driveway.

Here at BMW, we understand your passion to pretense. That’s why we’re firing up a gazillion light bulbs in this commercial to show our solidarity with your psychographic. Because you don’t really want to save the environment. You just want to think you do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-MjMczhAt8

Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Senator Tom Coburn, at the Values Voters Summit on Saturday:

All pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy?

He probably will. After he calls the cops on you.

Coburn’s Chief Of Staff On Keeping Kids Away From Porn: ‘All Pornography Is Homosexual Pornography’ [Think Progress]

Orly Taitz, you’ve just been smacked down by a federal judge!

Plaintiff’s counsel, who champions herself as a defender of liberty and freedom, seeks to use the power of the judiciary to compel a citizen, albeit the President of the United States, to “prove his innocence” to “charges” that are based upon conjecture and speculation. Any middle school civics student would readily recognize the irony of abandoning fundamental principles upon which our Country was founded in order to purportedly “protect and preserve” those very principles.

Do you…

a) Call the judge a “typical puppet of the regime — just like in the Soviet Union”?

Read more »

Joe, as we’ll call him, was frustrated. He was looking forward to extensive reports of the largest protest in world history, and nobody covered it. Not CNN. Not MSNBC. Not even the World Fishing Network.

“I surfed all channels Sunday looking for the big story on the D.C. march and found none — save Fox News,” he told WorldNetDaily. “I was infuriated. How can anyone who calls themselves a journalist ignore this?”

Indeed. The angry mob on the Mall could have easily filled all but the upper deck of FedExField — and nobody in DC ignores the Redskins. Whose microphone do you have to suck to get some attention in this country?

And then, bursting forth from a blazing ring of Oxycontin, Rush Limbaugh provided the answer:

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Monday morning, a high-school student was beat up on a St. Louis-area schoolbus. He had been looking for a seat; not finding one, he gingerly removed a bookbag occupying space and sat there. Upon which the bag’s owner started hitting him. Another student joined in, and others on the bus cheered.

Let’s cast the scene. We have some options…

(a) The student is white; the kids beating him up are black.

(b) The student is black; the kids beating him up are white.

(c) Open casting! Doesn’t matter who plays which part, since race has nothing to do with it.

As it happens, the fact of the matter is (a) — although it just as easily could have been (b), since the truth of the moment is (c). It was a bog-standard schoolbus fight.

Which isn’t, unfortunately, how the cops first described it:

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Glenn Beck, whom we’ve recently begun to suspect is a masterful comedic performance artist outranking even Sacha Baron Cohen and Andy Kaufman, recently took his viewers on a magical mystery tour of Rockefeller Center, warning them against being subliminally influenced by John D.’s commie iconography. See that hammer and sickle in the door frieze?

“It drives me nuts! that nobody knows what this is,” he said.

Which makes it all the more curious that the logo for the 9/12 DC event featured a raised fist — a cliché of lefty symbolism first used by the Wobblies in 1917. Don’t get too cute, Glenn — with winks like that and oligarhy, the yahoos will start catching on to you.

Glenn Beck’s ‘9-12’ logo based on communist and socialist designs [LA Times]