Shine, Shine, Shine

It burns!

See this curly fry I’m holding up? It’s an energy-saving fluorescent light bulb, designed to give your home the same loving warmth you enjoy at the office. We know you like to pretend to be environmentally responsible — it’s that “personal virtue” the vice president used to talk about, before he got into testing car batteries on swarthy brown people. It’s why you’re likely to buy a hybrid to complement that SUV in your driveway.

Here at BMW, we understand your passion to pretense. That’s why we’re firing up a gazillion light bulbs in this commercial to show our solidarity with your psychographic. Because you don’t really want to save the environment. You just want to think you do.


Wait now. Filming is exempt from energy saving. You have actually seen commercials, yes? To say nothing of X-Men? You are aware that whole forests die for every minute of screen time and that the water rises higher at Venice for every Cover Girl spot? We call it capitalism and no one gives a fuque.

I’ve seen this commercial and the part that makes me laugh the hardest is the whole “US America luvs, LUVS, LUVS, LUVS responsibility” especially those who LOVEs BMWs (from what I’ve seen on the road, No.)

In fairness to US America, we can extend this to the rest of humanity. Good one BMW. Responsibility. What next, faithful?

here I thought I was the only one who noticed that particular disconnect

It’s about time they brought clean diesel here. I drove an Audi A8 in Belgium w/ a 3 litre turbodiesel, and it felt as powerful as one w/ the 4.2 litre V8, which I believe is the only engine we can get here. Small European diesels, like the VW Polo Blue Motion, can get 70s mileage if driven gently. The full-size Jag, equipped with a twin turbo V6 diesel, gets 30s mileage easily and can do fiftyish on the highway. /gearhead

@blogenfreude: I think Mercedes has a US-certified diesel now; see Personally, for LA freeways, I’d rather have one of these: That 3.8 second time for 0-62 would come in handy.

Anything with way too many lights makes me think of the “Space Lord” video by Monster Magnet (1:29 and thereafter).

@Dodgerblue: You’ll still sit in traffic, but you’ll look great. And make mine one of these, please.

@blogenfreude: Few cars are more beautiful than an old 300 SL gullwing.

@Dodgerblue: The old one is great, but I’d like a new one – I think it looks great.

If they wanted to be truly environmental they should have used LED bulbs not polluting, toxic fluorescents.

TJ: Nicholas Kristof’s FB update:

Nicholas D. Kristof
At LaGuardia Airport this morning, as I headed for Cleveland on book tour, I ran into Glenn Beck at the check in counter and Cherie Blair (Tony’s wife) at the gate. I had a good chat with Cherie, who is headed for Nebraska to give a speech. But …i steered clear of Beck. I’m not saying that paranoia is contagious, but you never know…. Or could he be tailing me?

TJ: the real reason for the RNC push-polling about HCR discriminating against people by political party, race, etc:,0,5818008.story

Still up on GuideOne’s site, despite being illegal:

Extra insurance benefits for the faithful!

Mrs RML’s mom is going to give me her ranch truck, a Dodge Ram 1500 4×4 with the quad cab, when she gets a new little econo-thing for driving around town.

@redmanlaw: Petrol or diesel? Either way, it’s gonna suck up fuel like crazy.

@blogenfreude: That thing is a pig. It cost me $50 in gas to go turkey hunting one day. OTOH, there’s nothing like 4WD when you need it. Taking it out on a firewood run to the local national forest this weekend (socialized home heating). Holds at least 50 percent more than my Toyota Tacoma and carries three people in the back. The gas is really the only down side.

used to have a Ram 1500 4×4 quad cab. I can verify the gas mileage.

@redmanlaw: And it’s a free truck. Insurance, gas, and probably a transmission – not too bad.

@ManchuCandidate: Also, when we want to demonstrate our Commitment to Responsibility, we use an ugly guy.

my year old 4 door jeep rubicon is an animal. a gas alcoholic. she ‘s audrey 2 from little shop—“feed me seymour…feeeeeeed meee!”
and its a powerful mutha, just as fun as a sports car, but perfect for the terrain here. it loves sand. i dove right out of *uicksand with the tires 3/4 in deep. drove right out. also, the rag top comes off, as does the doors and has holes drilled in the floor in case it rains with the top off. awesome!

if i didn’t already think the earth was doomed, i’d likely go all ed begley jr.

be that as it may, this vehicle is worthy of its its footprint. i just had it serviced for the first time since last years hurricane. they pulled a tree out from the under carriage. the damn machine never even MENTIONED it to me!

i am bothered a tad over the fuel cost and the whole pc thing, but all thing weighed…fuck it. containing multitudes and all that.


That’s the prototype. Here’s photos of the production model SLS in full hi-res, pornographic detail.

@nojo: So glad you brought up the looks of the guy in the commercial. Myself, I think he’s an alien. He’s definitely strikingly strange-looking.

@baked: you shouldn’t feel guilty – you’re using 4WD SUV for what they are really designed to do – you’re not driving the kids to soccer practice and through the Starbucks drive-through in it…

ADD: Looks like you’ve successfully changed your avatar.

@Prommie: Oh maybe not. I thought it was a picture of the beach. Maybe I’m just hallucinating.

@lynnlightfoot: “What? Ed O’Neill isn’t available? Fine.”

Al Bundy in a BMW commercial? Sacrilege!!!

Baked, those roads you drive on, regular old cars work on them, don’t they? What percentage of people on that island have cars at all?

@SanFranLefty: Ya know, thats kinda a strange comment, its OK as long as you aren’t driving the kids to soccer. Oh, but driving alone in a huge vehicle to a bar or restaurant or boutique is ok? Baked definitely isn’t driving anyone to soccer practice, but just where is it you think she is going, delivering vaccines for plague-stricken children?

I drive my kid to soccer practice, its 5 miles away, and he is 9, and if there was a starbucks drive through, I would drive through it because I like coffee. But there isn’t, so I go to Duncan Donuts.

I assume you are saying its ok for Baked because she drives on dirt roads, but these are not impassable dirt roads, the taxis make it through fine. The limos with the movie stars make it through fine. But now I am curious, the combination of unpaved, but passable, dirt roads, and soccer and starbucks. Which is more important? Dirt roads, or not going to starbucks? If you drive to soccer practice on a dirt road, is that OK? Or is it OK to drive a 4WD on a paved road, as long as you don’t go to soccer practice?

I think for the first time, I see why people are so annoyed when they are stereotyped.

@Prommie: My observation was based on her saying she drove it out of quicksand. That’s what these Jeeps were long ago designed for. How often do people flip on the 4WD feature on their SUVs, or even know what it’s for or how to use it?

Hey, the stereotypes go both ways – why do Prius drivers drive two blocks in their cars if they care so much about the environment?

ADD: Really? This is the first time you’ve been annoyed by stereotypes? Where have you been?

@SanFranLefty: Well, you are right there, I don’t care for either Canyonero or Prius drivers. But Baked, she dwells in a tropical paradise amongst movie stars and drives her car for the same reason we all do, to get our booze and meds. She only left the good roads and met up with some quicksand because she had to go to Rasta Town for some holy herb. And its still alright she has a gas guzzling jeep.

BTW. May I say that is an awesome light cue. Think how long it took to rig and execute.

@lynnlightfoot: I think he’s supposed to be Everyman but with an income in the high 300s. He’s everything but not too much. But I’d agree that it’s an odd face. Several of his near relations have no doubt run in the Preekness. Wonder what he looks like without makeup? But you can bet weeks were spent on the casting.

Am I the only person who remembers Brian Unger when he was a correspondent on The Daily Show (mostly during the Kilborn era, but there was some overlap with Stewart) and not shilling for BMW? He’s no Stephen Colbert (so dreamy!), but he’s not that bad.

@mellbell: I was well into 2001 before I reacquainted myself with cable.

But now that you remind me, let me state for the record: I no longer miss the Couch.

@mellbell: really he isn’t that bad. Of course I find anyone with a pulse not that bad.

Thanks for the greeting the other day, my fellow midwesterner. And that extends to my tropic herb goddess, Baked, too.

@Prommie: @and LEFTY,

first of all, that google pic freaked me out because you can clearly see my old house. and as for your testiness, prommie, listen to lefty.
we have a few paved roads, in established communities and the main highway extending the length of the island. we get torrential rains here, which turns the spot you parked in into *uicksand while you were in a restaurant having dinner.
and the off roading!
the best places and views to see are where no other vehicles dare to go. there are no "cars" here. they're irrelevant and useless.
jeeps, range rovers, hummers are us. my car was built specifically for this climate and terrain. and yes prom, i often find myself on a road (to the drug store–pfft) that would be impassable in a wimpier machine.
you have *uite the opinion of a place you've never been to.

this fucker just ate a long post, and i’m not writing it again.
basically i smacked you, prommie, for knowing SO much about a place you’ve never seen. FYI, it is not uncommon to park in a restaurants sandy parking lot, enjoy the rain while you dine, and then need to drive through fucking *uicksand.
and how the hell did that branch get stuck under my car? from driving over impassable roads to the poorest and the stranded and the thirsty after the hurricane.
(btw, beesco, the tip you gave me about trinkets for the kids was the best advice and my fave part) no i had no vaccines, but the english red cross were the first ones to get through in range rovers, i was next.

what a fucking week. and my dead dog is on my nightable.
fucking tired, heartbroken, i should still be in the hospital.
i’m fucking homeless in a hotel looking at houses. so, prom,


“driving to the rastas and the drug store” PFFT

ok, i need someone to skype me and walk me through. not only does word press and gravatar hate me, i just got a love letter from AJAX calling me spam….

but later, i’m way too, deservedly, baked.

yes mell! i remember! and i still miss the five *uestions.

@baked: I think that comments marked as spam can be rescued. Nojo?

@mellbell: How the hell did that happen?

I disconnected the spam filter ages ago, and WordPress should only withhold comments with umpteen links. Yet baked’s comment somehow got stuck in the “moderation” queue, which is so rare I forgot we had one.

Best guess: the link tag for the second @ reference got corrupted, which set off the sirens.

@nojo: Must be the sand. Put ‘er in 4 wheel.

@mellbell: That explains it. I never saw him before but thought the casting could be a name brand. Crossed my mind he could even be a Sport guy.

@baked: Take care. We love you.

@Benedick says Keep on Fucking that Chicken: Sport Guy’s doing a Ford commercial. Which is so profoundly insipid, I may yet do something with it.

@baked: I know what you did after the hurricane, and I was not in any way criticizing your lifestyle, that would be the height of hypocracy, for I want more than anything else to be living it. I was just surprised that it earned you a pass on owning a gas guzzler on the grounds you don’t drive it to soccer practices and starbucks. You had just said, flat out, that you don’t care, you enjoy the vehicle, and PC be damned, I admired that.

I own one of the most strange little SUVs that there is, a toyota Rav4, but with the V-6, which massively overpowers the little thing. It goes like a scalded cat, it is dangerously overpowered, when you stomp the accelerometer, it rears up and starts getting squirelly, and only the traction control keeps you on the road. But, it still gets 25 MPG.

And I love driving it to soccer practice, and if there was a rastaville nearby, I would be going on herb runs too.

@Promnight: The 2000 Toyota Tacoma 2WD truck is taking me out to eastern Navajo land tomorrow for a meeting with a school client and the Bureau of Indian Affairs, a three hour drive each way after leaving Santa Fe at 5 a.m. Sport talk and the iPod will sustain me. Might have lunch at the school cafeteria. A little storm is rolling through in the next couple of days, so I’ll probably get rained on at some point.

@baked: Darling, is April a good month to visit your island? Cuz I think that might be my first break in ages and would love to go on gas-guzzling quicksand trips with you.

@Promnight: Dude the fucking Rav-4 is so not what I’m talking about. That’s a tall Saturn sedan. I’m talking about the fucking Lincoln Navigators, Cadillac things, the Range Rovers, etc. There’s a difference. Bloggie the car man can explain it.

@SanFranLefty: It’s all about the chassis that they’re built on. That’s why my aunt’s Toyota Highlander can be classified as a wagon (or something like that) even though it’s, to my mind, monstrous. Also, my dad just bought an SUV that gets 13 MPG. 13. In this day and age. And he won’t exactly be offroading it anytime soon. In a year or two, he won’t even be commuting to work with it anymore.


april is gorgeous…i’m expecting you, so excited!


“I assume you are saying its ok for Baked because she drives on dirt roads, but these are not impassable dirt roads, the taxis make it through fine. The limos with the movie stars make it through fine”

how the fuck do you know this? you are so dead wrong, that i woke up still pissed and will never again take what you say as fact.

fact: most of the roads become impassable after a big rain. FIXED.

and i still love you, even when you’re a pompous ass.

@Benedick says Keep on Fucking that Chicken: @AARPrick:

love you right back…xoxox

AAARP, i have really missed you and wondered where and how you are.
pull up a chair, set a spell, you’ve been missed!

@mellbell: The “truck” status of SUV’s has all to do with the fact that the seats can be removed and therefore the back is considered cargo space. The Rav4 is I think built on the compact Toyota chassis. But the whole point of these things is that trucks are excluded from the US manufacturer’s fleet average mileage goals. So, you put in a hatchback and removable rear seat, and presto-change-o, you have a truck, so its dismal mileage is now excluded from your mileage stats. And thats why 50% of all cars are trucks, these days. Little known fact about the Rav4 V-6 model is that its one of the fastest Toyotas sold, 0 to 60.

@SanFranLefty: Yer bringing coals to Newcastle, madame.

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