Flyer from the Jehovah’s Witnesses found stuffed in our door Saturday morning. Either that, or the Doobie Brothers are on a reunion tour.

Unless you’re a numismatics groupie, you probably missed the recent story about the new Susan B. Anthony Sacagawea Andrew Jackson dollar coin, minted in honor of his opposition to paper money, or maybe because engravers love his hair.

But keen-eyed Grand Rapids newspaper readers noticed something else engravers love: Satan. The new coins lack the comforting inscription “Render Unto Caesar” “In God We Trust”.

Well, just not on the front or back. God is relegated to the edge, where He may as well be the fine print in a drug commercial.

“That’s dirty pool putting it on the edge,” complained Press reader Ann Holmes. “Who knew it was there? Did they tell us it was there?”

Apparently they didn’t. Ms. Holmes learned of the godless coin from a forwarded email.

Peggy LaPenna doesn’t care whether God is in the details. “Send the U.S. Mint a strong message,” she wrote. “We insist that God stay on ‘the front’ of our money!”

Dollar coins not ‘Godless’ despite urban myth [Grand Rapids Press]

This week in news guaranteed to blow. your. mind. comes word that God is a hermaphrodite.

That’s right. Not just Alpha and Omega, but AC/DC. Innie and outie. Pistil and stamen. Man and, um, man in the boat.

How do we know? After six thousand years, somebody finally thought to read it backwards.

The journal of Reform rabbis published an article this week proclaiming that if the four-letter Hebrew name of God were spelled backward and pronounced it would sound like the Hebrew words for “he” and “she.”

Actually, HWHY sounds like our aunt sneezing, but bear with us.

The reasoning is that since Hashem — Moses’ name spelled backwards — is Hebrew for “The Name”, perhaps God backmasked Himself as well. (“Hashem” is how you refer to He Who Must Not Be Named, roughly equivalent to “gosh” for Christianists.)

And that would suggest that the ancient Israelites saw God as a self-satisfying deity.

We find the whole notion far-fetched, although it was probably handy to fend off nosy neighbors who asked why there wasn’t a Mrs. God.

Is God a hermaphrodite? [Chicago Tribune]

Preacher Thomas Howell was driving to his Cincinnati church one morning last June when the Devil, assuming the form of restaurant cook April Evans, cut him off at the intersection of Burnet and Forest.

So, inspired by a vengeful God, he did what any man of the cloth would do: Pulled up alongside her, whipped out his pistol, “and asked if she knew who she was messing with before threatening to shoot.”

Apparently she didn’t, as the two cars proceeded to reenact the more exciting parts of The French Connection through the neighborhoods of Clifton, Avondale and Walnut Hills.

“Every time I get in back of him, he would pull the gun out on me and point it towards me and whatever,” Evans testified last week. “He said, ‘You don’t know who I am,’ called me another [name] and said… ‘I’ll shoot you.’ ”

Howell was convicted of aggravated menacing. A spokesangel for the Lord said He was too busy deciding which Olympic athletes to bless, and unavailable for comment.

Preacher guilty of road-rage [Cincinnati Enquirer]

Bank teller Robin Davis was simply minding her own business one day when the Lord deposited $10,304 to her account. But when she tried to withdraw $1,500 of it, God forgot to countersign the cashier’s check.

And now He’s acting like He doesn’t even know her.

A Sumter, South Carolina, jury convicted Davis of fraud Friday, despite her insistence that the adjustment was literally a gift from God. Her lawyer plans to appeal, on the apparent grounds that Jehovah failed to answer a summons to explain why He used her bank ID and password to grace her financial status.

But prosecutor Catherine Fant hinted she already has that Witness on ice. “If God would have given you the money and blessed you,” said Fant, “he wouldn’t have framed you.”

Ex-teller found guilty of bank fraud [Sumter Item]

[Editor’s note: We introduce a new weekly feature this morning because the old one was boring us to tears. Although we had a great line prepared about Karl Rove as Celebrity Chum for Shark Week.]

A 79-year-old Oklahoma City man was killed Thursday when he was crushed in the front seat of his car.

By a church steeple.

The man was watching a crane lift the steeple onto the new Grace Assembly of God when the crane’s arm buckled. His wife, sitting in the back seat, was unharmed. Both were longtime members.

Despite the evidence before them, church leaders remain unfazed.

“We’re looking at it from the perspective that God is a God of grace. God is a God of mercy. God is a God of love,” said Rev. Joe Hancock.

A church’s day of hope turns tragic as crane falls, killing longtime member [NewsOK]

Okla. crane fall kills man watching construction [AP]