Looking for a way to bring an increasingly fractious party together, Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell commission a new anthem for the GOP. Something stirring. Something butch. Something that brings to mind trustafarians standing over the ruins of the Trade Center towers. Or homeschooler lobbyists accusing our (devastatingly handsome and charming and sexy and did I say handsome, and no that is not Kevlar, that is muscle, and show me that grin?) president of liberaldick: aka an erection deflated by too much reality. As if. Our prez only becomes fully erect when reality rubs its crotch up against his fine basket. Which requires all kinds of denim yardage to contain it.

[HuffPo, via @daveweigel]

Our guest columnists are Representatives Cary Condotta, Jim McCune, Jason Overstreet, and Matt Shea, of the Great Weird State of Washington.

AN ACT Relating to establishing the 2012 gold and silver legal tender act of Washington state; adding a new chapter to Title 43 RCW; and providing an effective date.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF WASHINGTON:

Sec. 1. FINDINGS AND INTENT.

Read more »

“Say goodbye to Xe. The company formerly known as Blackwater — the world’s most infamous private security corporation — has jettisoned the name it chose in its 2009 rebrand. Now the ‘security solutions provider’ wants to wash away the taint of the 2007 Nisour Square shootings by adopting the new name ‘Academi.’” [Wired]

“Former Vice President Dan Quayle will endorse Mitt Romney for president in an Arizona event on Tuesday.” [Political Wire]

Dorothy Rabinowitz on Newt Gingrich: “His greatest asset lies in his capacity to speak to Americans as he has done, with such potency, during the Republican debates. No candidate in the field comes close to his talent for connection. There’s no underestimating the importance of such a power in the presidential election ahead, or any other one… Mr. Gingrich’s qualifications all ’round could well make him the most formidable contender for the contest with Barack Obama.” [WSJ]

As we stock up on beer prepare for tonight’s GOP debate, let’s check in with a candidate who won’t be there:

Gary Johnson’s unorthodox campaign for the Republican presidential nomination continued Sunday, when he spoke at a Google+ town hall conducted by representatives of various pagan media outlets.

The former New Mexico governor spoke with members of the Pagan Newswire Collective, ModernWitch Podcast and Patheos.com, among others. He said it was important to reach out to voters that fall outside the Christian, Jewish and Muslim faiths, and slammed his own party for being too beholden to the Christian right.

Say what you might, but one thing’s for certain: At least they’re not Mormons.

GOP presidential hopeful courts pagans [The Hill]