Our guest colloquists are Ralph Gilles, Senior Vice President of Design at Chrysler, and Donald Trump, a Short-Fingered Vulgarian.

@realdonaldtrump you are full of shit!

— Ralph Gilles (@RalphGilles) November 1, 2012

[Jalopnik, via @pourmecoffee]

“I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster.” —Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, responding to marriage defender and Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. Who, before you get ahead of yourself, is a Democrat. [Deadspin]

(using fingers to indicate triangular shape) SMELL SMELL SMELL GOOD NEW NEW NEW slice drink MATCH SPARKLER (thrown in air) STARS STARS STARS

— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) June 1, 2012

You should know, if you don’t yet, that @Horse_ebooks is an automated spam account. But to cover its tracks, it tweets random non-spam to fool the automated spamhunters. Most days there’s a gem or two in the stream. And then, every once in awhile, your patience is richly rewarded.

Have you ever read the full text of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “Letter From a Birmingham Jail”?

Perhaps you know a key passage:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.

[…]

We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was “well timed” in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word “Wait!” It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This “Wait” has almost always meant “Never.” We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that “justice too long delayed is justice denied.”

After the jump, your chance to read the rest.

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Our guest columnist is really, really sorry for not holding an intervention for Minnesota Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch, who campaigned to put a “defense of marriage” measure on the state ballot.

An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkAVmJzdJ88

Our guest columnist is Stephen Colbert.

Dear Colbert Super PAC Members and spouses/lovers snooping through your inbox,

I have exciting news to share from Colbert Super PAC. We have set our sights on Iowa — right after setting our sights on finding out where Iowa is. It’s further north than you think! In advance of the Ames Straw Poll, outside money has been pouring in trying to convince Iowans to write in Texas Governor Rick Parry. It’s a blatant display of unbridled opportunism that we want in on.

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For a brief, shining moment, the following appeared on the PBS Newshour website Sunday night.

Tupac still alive in New Zealand

Prominent rapper Tupac has been found alive and well in a small resort in New Zealand, locals report. The small town — unnamed due to security risks — allegedly housed Tupac and Biggie Smalls (another rapper) for several years. One local, David File, recently passed away, leaving evidence and reports of Tupac’s visit in a diary, which he requested be shipped to his family in the United States.

“We were amazed to see what David left behind,” said one of sisters, Jasmine, aged 31. “We thought it best to let the world know as we feel this doesn’t deserve to be kept secret.”

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