Gay Marriage Claims Another Victim
Our guest columnist is really, really sorry for not holding an intervention for Minnesota Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch, who campaigned to put a “defense of marriage” measure on the state ballot.
An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans
Dear Ms. Koch,
On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.
We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.
It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”
Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.
And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.
From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.
Gay community apologizes to Amy Koch for ruining her marriage [CityPages, via TPM]
Sen. Koch quit over ‘inappropriate’ relationship [Minneapolis Star Tribune]
So, if Prop H8 ultimately goes down in flames, am I compelled to go out and get my freak on with any carbon-based life form that will have me, or is it optional?
I’m too old and tired for this shit.
@Walking Still: I can’t speak for the Bay Area, but Sandy Eggo has a pending orgy scheduled at Qualcomm Stadium.
@nojo: Jack Murphy will be spinning in his grave (of course he already is given the plans to now call the venue Snapdragon Stadium).
If you get a fun sponsor for the orgy, just imagine the naming possibilities.
This is today’s candidate for the greatest thing, ever.
You know the difference between a gay man and a straight man?
@Benedick: My ghey friends used to refer to the frat boys at our university as “three beer queers.”
@Benedick: That can be taken two ways: beer, or abs. Any straight woman knows a man over 22 with six-pack abs is almost certainly gay.
True dat. I fail under either scenario as a muffin top who is an alcohol lightweight.
@Walking Still: Wanna come over? We can watch gladiator videos.
@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I have to warn you, having met and dined with the charming Walking Still and his significant other, he doesn’t really strike me as the gladiator type, or your type — he’s not of the Asian or ghey persuasions — but who knows, he may still enjoy the occasional gladiator movies.
@nojo: You think that’s a joke, but you’ve obviously never been to a Circuit Party, particlarly the New Year’s afterparties.
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MANCHUCANDIDATE • Bye! And the drips keep on coming. With each lame denial comes another revelation about Justice Ruckus.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Bye! @¡Andrew!: Before we found about why Thomas goes as the Crow flies (in a private jet.)
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NOJO • Bye! @¡Andrew!: From what I’m seeing in bits and pieces, yeah, Licht. CNN under Zucker was bad…
¡ANDREW! • Bye! @nojo: When life gives you Lemons (shrug). Not particularly sad, since: 1. Who still watches…