Twisted Jesus Freak Juan Alberto Ovalle Bagged On His Way to Meet Agent Posing as Nearly Pre-pubescent Girl, as Sick as He Is Jesufied, As If There Is a Fuckng Difference. Die, Alberto! Die!

Focus on the Family’s own Voice of Jesus, Juan Alberto Ovalle, was bagged by the Jefferson County, CO. District Attorney’s Office on his way to meet a near-pre-teen girl on Monday, a blithe, alluring and dewy vessel of pre-womanhood – who turned out to be a cop who had to listen to him describe how she was going to sit on his face –  and arrested for unspeakable monstrosities.

Ovalle, narrator of the snakehandler cult’s bible CDs for Spanish language Jesus freaks, has been arrested on suspicion of using the Internet to arrange sex with a teenage girl and attempted sexual assault on a child.  The assholes from Focus on the Family pretended to be surprised, as if this isn’t part of the whole fucking snakehandler ethos. “We’re shocked,” Focus on the Family prevaricator in residence, Gary Schneeberger, told the Denver Post, no doubt to peels of laughter.

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This morning Today show host Matt Lauer interviewed Eliot Spitzer, asking the former New York governor and onetime State Attorney General pointed questions about Wall Street misconduct, outrageous executive compensation packages, government bailouts and  how awesome is it to bust up prostitution rings in the morning and then have three hookers and a 55 gallon drum of chocolate pudding sent up to your hotel room that same evening.

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Did you know that there are still people out there who are upset that Barack Obama was born in Africa, the fruit of an act of sexual congress between his Kenyan father and the chick from species? Seems it’s unconstitutional for a man to be president whose alien mother fed on the bio-electrical impulses given off by men who die while in the physical act of love. (The Founding Fathers thought of everything!)
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One hundred years from today, somewhere in the heart of Texas, or Alabama or Virginia the satanic priest officiating a ritual orgy will rise from the tangle of arms, legs and exposed pudenda and announce to all gathered: “Hey, did you guys realize that it was 100 years ago today that the institution of marriage was re-defined and Western Civilization began it’s irreversible collapse?” That’s because one hundred years before one hundred years from now is today, and today is the day that the Iowa Supreme court refused to acknowledge the inherent bigotry that informs  the nefarious act of treating gay people like everyone else. In so acting, the justices of the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously ruled that: “If straight couples can marry… WTF, why not the gays, too? After all, it’ll only lead to the collapse of Western Civilization.”

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Last week we debunked the myth that if every man in the PRC Armed Forces jumped at the same time, it would tilt the Earth’s axis of rotation (fact: since the Earth already rotates on as  axis that is tiled 23.5° from center, the act would actually straighten the planet’s rotation). In this week’s installment of our long running series “China Myths,” Stinque takes a look at the widely held belief that were China to dump all its U.S. Treasury bills onto the market at once, it would eviscerate the dollar and devastate the U.S. economy. This long held belief is, in fact, a myth. Allow Princeton economist and Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman to explain:

In the early years of this decade, China began running large trade surpluses and also began attracting substantial inflows of foreign capital. If China had had a floating exchange rate — like, say, Canada — this would have led to a rise in the value of its currency, which, in turn, would have slowed the growth of China’s exports.

But China chose instead to keep the value of the yuan in terms of the dollar more or less fixed. To do this, it had to buy up dollars as they came flooding in. As the years went by, those trade surpluses just kept growing — and so did China’s hoard of foreign assets.

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What End Does Cheney Have Planned for President Obama?

For the GOP, domestic politics is just an extension of a global covert operations enterprise funded by anyone who has a play in mind that can make some money for the psychofascist goons that have been running the show since Ike let go of the wheel.  In the psychofascist history of the world Obama is just another unfriendly, disposable head of  state who will be be removed and tossed into the morgue of covert ops like Allende, like Lumumba, like Mossadegh. That’s why writer Seymour Hersh’s recent revelation that Überführer has a fifth column of fascist loyalists reporting to him from defense ministries is so terrifying.

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Drooling fuckwit turned GOP icon and spokesman, Joe the Wife Beater, finally found a way to repulse a crowd of Republicans, usually inured to the most vile, primitive expressions of hate, rage and wanton excess. Appearing at the fascist think tank Media Research Center’s annual DisHonors Awards, Joe the Womanless Schlong Beater, responded to applause by admitting the accolades were making his dick hard.

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