Eliot Spitzer Has Not Been Whoring Since He Was a Toddler.

This morning Today show host Matt Lauer interviewed Eliot Spitzer, asking the former New York governor and onetime State Attorney General pointed questions about Wall Street misconduct, outrageous executive compensation packages, government bailouts and  how awesome is it to bust up prostitution rings in the morning and then have three hookers and a 55 gallon drum of chocolate pudding sent up to your hotel room that same evening.

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Probably the most incisive (and by most incisive I mean most awesome) moment in the interview came when Matt Lauer asked Spitzer  to reminisce on the early days of his whore-mongering and to clarify just how long ago that would be. Spitzer replied by placing his adventures in context with the geological time scale and noted that not many animal species have gone extinct in the meantime and so whore-mongering is a relatively recent phenomenon for him:

Lauer: …give me some ballpark, some estimation of how long this went on and how frequently.

Spitzer: Not frequently, not long in the grand context of my life.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. You were da man once, Spitz. We loved you when you were putting away Wall Street fat cats. The people of New York made you their governnor to demonstrate their appreciation. Now you’re just the butt of a joke. Sigh.

Serolf Divad  divides his time between a Swiss chalet on the banks of lac Geneve and the dangerous world of illegal, underground, no holds barred kickboxing.

21 Comments

As his hairline continues to recede, Spitzer looks more and more like a penis.

WAIT! What is with the MSNBC video? Are we shunning MSNBC, or are we not?

(Also: the video is slowing down the site something fierce. Suggestion to you, dear Serolf: check to see if your embedding is down to code and consult with Fearless Leader Nojo with any technical issues. Trust me — I know from experience. My attempts to post videos in the early days of Stinque revealed the depths of my innermost suck.)

@SanFranLefty: By comparison, Lauer’s weave is really starting to take root. But WTF with the Star Trek holodeck design, and the shoulder harness? Is Matt expecting to take it to warp speed 9?

I think Spitzer should go into business as a sex tour operator and volunteer to help Holder take down Wall Street.

@Nabisco: I don’t have sound here but when I started, I noticed the seat belt. Can you tell what it is?

@chicago bureau: Huh wha?

Seems snappy enough from here, the coding looks fine, and there’s not much point shunning MSNBC. But I’m still 90 minutes from consciousness.

@FlyingChainSaw: No sound here either. I found myself scripting the interview entirely based on their hand gestures, which means that Spitzer has a really really tiny attorney general.

@SanFranLefty: Winner, Comment O’The Day.

BTW it would be a 55-gal drum of vanilla pudding if it were up to me. I don’t like chocolate. Freakish, I know, but true.

Wait, Lauer’s interviewing the Enzyte guy? Was he caught in the same bust with ShamWow dude?

@Dodgerblue: I found out yesterday that my sister does not like bacon. Not for any health reasons, and certainly not because she keeps kosher or halal. Just doesn’t like the taste. The mind reels.

@SanFranLefty:

Not my penis, thank you very much. Mine is much lovelier than that.

@Nabisco:
Matt was on his bike in the Hamptons and collided with a deer and separated his shoulder and had to have surgery to repair it. As someone who separated her shoulder 15 years ago in a soccer game, suffered numerous subsequent dislocations of the shoulder before finally having the surgery nine years ago and STILL having occasional dislocations, I truly feel Lauer’s pain.

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket:
Will take your word for it.

@Dodgerblue:

Vanillia guy here as well. For pudding, that is.

@SanFranLefty:

I used to dislocate my knees all the time. They told me that dislocating a major body part is the third most painful thing in the world, after childbirth and passing a gallstone through the urethra.

@Dodgerblue: I went for two additional home made stewed beef tacos and a polite amount of dessert last night at a friend’s place. I am not a dessert guy.

Mmmm . . . tacos . . .

@mellbell: Isn’t it weird how you find out things about siblings that just don’t make any sense? I have a brother who declared a few years ago he “didn’t like orange juice in the morning”. I asked why and he said “too much liquid”.

My kids are treated to twice annual bacon feasts at chez Nabisco. The Mrs. has a cultural aversion to swine, but I’ve learned that if I get it just crispy enough she’ll join us. I always threaten to tell her mother the next time Ramadan rolls around.

@mellbell: I’ll take her portion, thanks very much. We used to stay at Embassy Suites hotels when the kids were young (their own TV!!) and they really loved the “free” breakfast, including a big mountain o’bacon.

@SanFranLefty: @Nabisco: My brother hates tomatoes, all tomato-related products, and anything containing tomatoes, which makes him pretty much impossible for me to cook for, what with BLTs, pasta dishes with some sort of tomato sauce, and soups/stews containing tomatoes making up 90% of my cooking repertoire. Also, he doesn’t like eggs, which account for the other 10%.

@Mistress Cynica: What does your brother eat? I mean, what’s left?

@Mistress Cynica: I’ll accept tomatoes in pizza and spaghetti sauce, but it stops there. That shit’s poisonous, y’know.

@Mistress Cynica: My FSM, eggs and tomatoes are the cornerstone of my diet. I’m seriously thinking about getting a few chickens for the eggs but I don’t think the condo homeowners’ association would be too thrilled about that. Or everyone living in the six block radius of my house. Lots of people in the Mission have chickens, but not so much in my part of SF.

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: I haven’t experienced the other two pains, but a soccer teammate of mine who has two kids and the same shoulder problem as me said that the pain associated with your shoulder becoming dislocated and having to try to get your upper arm back in the socket is worse than childbirth because at least childbirth pain comes and goes, whereas dislocated bones hurt like hell the entire time and after they are relocated thanks to nerve damage. All I know is I nearly drowned the time my shoulder dislocated when I was swimming backstroke. It’s hard enough to try to put it back in the socket when you ‘re driving, on a snowboard, or on a soccer field (all sites where I’ve had to relocate my arm) but treading water in the middle of an Olympic sized swimming pool was terrifying.

@lynnlightfoot: @SanFranLefty: I know, right? I buy canned tomatoes by the case in winter, and gorge myself on fresh ones in summer. SFL, I get a dozen eggs delivered fresh from the farm every week as part of my CSA, so we eat a lot of eggs. We get chevre, too, since the baby goats were born. Probably having an omelette for dinner tonight.

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