In a move that will surely come as a surprise to everyone in America who hasn’t figured out yet that she is little more than a shallow, dimwitted, opportunistic coward, part-time Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin has publicly announced that she is too chicken-shit to face Al Gore in a one on one debate on the subject of Global Warming. Read more »

We were listening to the commentary for Funny People the other night (yes, we’re one of those people), and Judd Apatow mentioned the practice of “writing a joke on the back of someone’s head.”

No, it doesn’t involve Sharpies or razors. Instead, when you’re editing a film, you take the opportunity of someone’s head turned away from the camera to dub in a line you didn’t think of before. Movies are won or lost in the editing suite.

Which is why we enjoyed the news that the ACORN videos — “undercover” shots of employees giving tax advice to a pimp — also took advantage of modern cinema technology:

Read more »

While some of us were admiring Michelle Obama’s dress Tuesday night at the State Dinner, and others were trying to raise a — how you say — stink about Republicans who weren’t invited (but who really were and just skipped the event), Sacha Baron Cohen a truly uninvited couple snuck past the guards:

The Secret Service is investigating how a fame-seeking couple crashed President Obama’s first state dinner Tuesday night, gliding in past security with no invitation and taking photos with Vice President Biden and others.

Michaele and Tareq Salahi [shown above], who are trying to get on the Bravo reality show “Real Housewives of Washington,” were not on the guest list to the official event, but somehow made it past a gauntlet of security checkpoints.

All’s well that ends well — no harm, no foul — but the Secret Service is sending some highly stained underwear to the cleaners:

Read more »

Longtime members of Our Merry Band of Wonkette Deserters will recall the joys of Butterstick Summer, when Ana Marie Cox became unnaturally fixated upon the National Zoo’s brand-new adorable bundle of hairless baby Panda flesh.

And since the Stinque Remote Office is located just thirteen blocks north of the Sandy Eggo Zoo, we really should have paid more attention to their brand-new adorable bundle of Pandaplasm, born August 5. Just for tradition’s sake.

But we didn’t. Nor did we think to prank the zoo’s name-the-panda contest, which drew 6,300 nominations.

Which means, now that the bamboo-devouring rugrat’s driver’s license will read Yun Zi (“son of cloud”), we’re shit out of luck to bitch about it. Although we may still use runner-up Xiao Long — “little dragon” — as our porn name.

Zoo’s newest panda gets a name [SD Union-Tribune]

PandaCam [San Diego Zoo]

This guy used to live in Chicago and I totally did a staged script reading with him. We also sort of made out once, which was very fun. In addition to being really hot he is very smart and apparently fairly heroic.

That is all. Please return to your regularly scheduled lives already in progress.