Bad Santa

First Baptist Dallas is collecting casualty statistics from the War on Christmas. A few samples:

  • “Even though the restaurant has put up Christmas decorations, if you’re an employee and answer the phone, we have been told to say ‘Happy Holidays.'”
  • “Employees would only respond with ‘you too’ when wished a Merry Christmas.”
  • “Excessive use of ‘holiday’, no mention of Christmas. With a name like American Airlines, come on.”
  • “They refuse to allow the admissions offices at any site to put up anything that may be offensive to those seeking information about the university. That is anything of a Christmas nature.”
  • “Though I am a frequent flyer with Delta they did not mind offending me, a Christian, with an email stating ‘Happy Holidays From The Delta Family’.”

Surely somebody can come up with better horror stories than that…

Grinch Alert

Our guest columnist is Amazon reviewer loosenut, writing presciently in 2005.

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!” But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.

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Last we heard from the Asshole from Oklahoma, he was refusing to participate in a Tulsa holiday parade because the town had forsaken Jesus. This morning, he reiterated his opposition to secular Festivus celebrations:

INHOFE: Gretchen, I rode my horse in that parade for 30 years and I never missed one until they changed the name. When he said that was a silly reason, I don’t think that was a silly reason at all… But, you know, this is a bigger picture… You know, I would expect it some other places, but not here in Oklahoma…

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In one of the greatest works of American Letters, Sylvester McMonkey McBean markets Star-On and Star-Off machines to unwitting Sneetches, who pay him for one or the other service until they’re all broke.

Kind of like billboard companies:

Atheists and Catholics have posted dueling billboards in New York City, creating a metaphysical face-off near the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel. One, put up by the group American Atheists, proclaims that Christmas is a “myth.” The other, posted by the Catholic League in response, urges commuters: “You know it’s real. This season, celebrate Jesus.”

A word to our Comrades in Hell: Lay the fuck off. You can enjoy the snow, gifts, carols, even Linus reading the Gospel without fearing for your intellectual integrity. Joy to the World, assholes.

Atheist ad campaigns stir the pot during holiday season [Yahoo]

“U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe said Tuesday that he won’t participate in Tulsa’s Holiday Parade of Lights until organizers put ‘Christ’ back in the event’s title. ‘Last year, the forces of political correctness removed the word “Christmas” and replaced it with “Holiday” instead,’ the Oklahoma Republican said. ‘I am deeply saddened and disappointed by this change.'” [Tulsa World]

To celebrate the season, RML offers us the cover from his Advent prayer book. Which gives us naughty ideas for next year’s Advent calendar.

We thank you for your retort.

We’ve invited hunka-hunka congressional candidate Adam Kokesh to remind us of the spirit of Christmas. And by “invited,” we mean copy and paste today’s email from him.


Happy Holidays! The Kokesh campaign would like to introduce a new way to promote Liberty throughout this holiday season.

What are you giving your loved ones this year? Thinking about giving the same old stuff you give EVERY YEAR? Are you having trouble deciding what to get that person who ‘has everything?’

This year, do something different. Give something that really counts, and purchase a gift that your friends and family will enjoy for generations… give ‘A Gift of Liberty.’

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