Our guest columnist is Jim Messina, campaign manager for Obama for America, who’s stepping up his guilt-tripping in the final days.

According to our records associated with this exact email address:

— Total you’ve donated for the 2012 campaign cycle: $0

— Date of your most recent donation: September 09, 2008

— Suggested donation today: $15

You stepped up and made your mark in 2008 — but it looks like you haven’t made a donation yet to the 2012 campaign. With five days to go, what’s holding you back, Nojo?

Message received, Jim. You know where to find us when you prosecute the Bush War Criminals and pass the Public Option.

[via email]

“Reportedly, [Paul Ryan] has been marching around his campaign bus, saying things like, ‘If Stench calls, take a message’ and ‘Tell Stench I’m having finger sandwiches with Peggy Noonan and will text him later.'” [Politico]

Update: Politico’s Roger Simon tells BuzzFeed the story was a satire…

“Some people always don’t get something, but I figured describing PowerPoint as having been invented to euthanize cattle would make the satire clear. I guess people hate PowerPoint more than I thought.”

Or maybe, just maybe, Stench/Gilligan made perfect sense for a campaign that can’t tie its shoelaces without tripping over itself.

“Mainstream Republicans have confided in Sen. Chuck Schumer that they intend to regain control of the GOP from the tea party wing if Mitt Romney loses the election, the New York Democrat told reporters Thursday.” [TPM]

Karl Rove, Thursday:

He also detailed plans for Senate and House races, and joked, “We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!”

Todd Akin spokesbot, Friday:

“Given the current FBI investigation of threats against Congressman Akin and calls for acts of violence and rape against his family and staff, joking as to the potential murder of Congressman Akin is deeply disturbing,” Akin’s congressional press secretary Steve Taylor said in a statement Friday. “I am certain he misspoke.”

Our guest columnist is Pat Rogers, National Committeeman of the Republican Party of New Mexico.

Sent: Friday, June 08, 2012, 7:17 AM
From: Patrick J. Rogers
Subject: FW: New Mexico governor meets with American Indian leaders in tribal-state summit

Quislings, French surrender monkeys, secret supporters (all along) of JAJ.

The state is going to hell. Col. Weh would not have dishonored Col. Custer in this manner.

I hope who ever recommended this is required to read the entire redist transcript and sit through the entire meeting with the Gov.

Footnotes:

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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, this morning:

“I have been from the very moment very clear as far as where I stand on [birthers]. It’s just as much of a distraction as it is for people to ask for more and more tax returns and all of these other issues.”

Insanely wealthy Mitt backer Jon Huntsman Sr., this afternoon:

“I feel very badly that Mitt won’t release his taxes and won’t be fair with the American people.”

Well, then! Glad that’s settled!

It took a day, but we think we have it down: Demrats posted a nasty ad about Mitt, a Mittbot defended his honor on Fox, but in defending Mitt’s honor the Mittbot said something nice about Romneycare, and then Ann Coulter’s head asploded.

Or, if you’d like, you can stick to Ann Coulter’s Head Asploded and forget the rest. By now, everybody else has.

Coulter Explodes At Romney Spokeswoman For Response To Priorities USA Ad: She Needs To Be Fired [Mediaite]