Smells Like Team Mitt

“Reportedly, [Paul Ryan] has been marching around his campaign bus, saying things like, ‘If Stench calls, take a message’ and ‘Tell Stench I’m having finger sandwiches with Peggy Noonan and will text him later.'” [Politico]

Update: Politico’s Roger Simon tells BuzzFeed the story was a satire…

“Some people always don’t get something, but I figured describing PowerPoint as having been invented to euthanize cattle would make the satire clear. I guess people hate PowerPoint more than I thought.”

Or maybe, just maybe, Stench/Gilligan made perfect sense for a campaign that can’t tie its shoelaces without tripping over itself.


Speaking of stench, have you kids seen what’s happened in Wisconsin? Thompson fell off a cliff, and Tammy Baldwin is over 50%. They essentially switched numbers (scroll down for the poll).

I may have voted for a Stench-Gilligan ticket in November. Beats the heck out of Thurston Howell III.


You know, in imperial Rome, Romney would have had Ryan poisoned later that evening.

“A brain trust, rumor has it, that refers to Ryan as ‘Gilligan.'”

Yes! Finally. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out who he reminds me of.

Also, this: “A word about PowerPoint. PowerPoint was released by Microsoft in 1990 as a way to euthanize cattle using a method less cruel than hitting them over the head with iron mallets. After PETA successfully argued in court that PowerPoint actually was more cruel than iron mallets, the program was adopted by corporations for slide show presentations.”
I’m stealing the fuck outta that.

This will become a textbook example of an inept campaign. Mitt will be in the history books, but not for the reasons he thinks.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I have often said that, should I come to power, my first act will be to summarily execute all those responsible for PowerPoint. No blindfold, no last cigarette. No mercy.

@Dodgerblue: Leaving at least two outcomes:

Best: The Teahaddi shrivel up and blow away;

Worst: Ryan’s tell-all book, “Six percent body fat and the 3 hour marathon: An Exaggerator’s Guide to the Galaxy”, galvanizes the shriveling dink party to keep the Dems from even passing gas for the next four years.

@Beggars Biscuit: May I suggest a third: the teahaddi decide that Romney lost because he wasn’t crazy enough and so in 2016 they nominate someone who wants to put the gays and Jews in concentration camps (they get a toofer with Harvey Fierstein) and fix Social Security and Medicare by killing all the old people. This could easily continue for another few election cycles.

@Beggars Biscuit: If Nancy doesn’t take back the House, the next two years will be like the last two.

If Nancy does take back the house, but Big Mouth Harry lets the filibuster stand, the next two years will also be like the last two.

And Dodger’s right: Mitt, like McCain, isn’t crazy enough. That’s an easy one.

2014 remains open: Even if they lose now, teabaggers could well surge in another off-year election.

I’m curious to see what happens to Ryan: Has his Village Brand been tarnished? He’s been falsely touted as a Wonk’s Wonk, and it’s too soon to tell whether the Villagers will forgive him for the campaign.

But other than that, he’s toast. Who’s the last failed veep candidate who went on to win the prize?

Dude at the table in front of me at the Stinque Remote Office has his browser window permanently set to Drudge. First time I’ve seen that in the wild.

@nojo: Off the top of my head, FDR? Could be one later than him, but I can’t think of who.

@mellbell: Good call! And it only took him twelve years!

RepubliKKKans will hit the turbo boost on the KKKrazee after November regardless of the outcome. The tongue-talkers, snake-handlers, and sadistic, greed-crazed psychopaths are all that’s left of that party’s dessicated corpse.

Post updated; Politico writer says the entire thing was satire.

I’ve found Rmoney’s campaign to be refreshingly honest, including the brutal contempt for the poor and middle classes that built this country and made a tiny sliver of the population incredibly wealthy, the pathological obsession for avoiding paying taxes, as well as Ryand’s determination to destroy Social Security and Medicare. The Onion recently posted a headline, something like “Romney Blasted for Reading Republican Party Platform Verbatim at Fundraiser.” In the past, people would go into denial and refuse to believe it. Now, there’s no question what they stand for and for whom they’re working.

@nojo: Dude apparently doesn’t realize that you can’t satire something that already happened four years ago. We’re living in a post-Palin, Tea Party world. Satire must now be left to the professionals.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Somebody should poll Stench/Gilligan, just for fun.

Meanwhile, I’m waiting for the non-Rasmussen count to fill in the three remaining swing states: Arizona, North Carolina, and Florida. Just a single-day peak will do.

@Dodgerblue: Way too capital intensive and costly to taxpayers.

Instead, Ryan and Palin will advocate unlimited kill helicopter hunting licenses for oldsters and every minority that is out of favor at the moment. Takes care of all problems and is revenue positive! Win-win!

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