Thank god that his former church released Ted Haggard and his wife from their separation agreement, because it just wouldn’t be the holidays if we couldn’t continue to give thanks for Mr. Gay Face Is Fundamental.  And what better way to celebrate the season than by contemplating “The Trials of Ted Haggard”, the new documentary by our own SFL’s daughter Alexandra.  I for one look forward to watching Pastor Pillow Biter describe how the Baby Jeebus floated down on a pillow cloud to take away his lust for throbbing man meat and reaffirm his love for awkwardly poking around in his wife’s musty old box.  We should all be thankful for this, as there is no better way to lose all of those extra holiday pounds than by violent retching.

Haggard Pitching HBO Film [NY Post]

Oh, and it’s Saturday – what the hell:

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Die Welt! Sie ist meine, sie Hunde! Hahahahahaha! Bumsen sich!

Is there a day that passes when CheneyCo does not reset the evil meter?

There have been mercenaries in history who waged wars and profited from them. Some of them have been recorded as heroes, depending on whose side you or your ancestors were on.

But few can claim to have reconfigured a globe-dominating nation’s defense industry (by privatizing defense support), gone into industry to establish himself, and returned to government to incite a war so his former employers and he could clean up on it.  (Yes, we know that he makes noises about renouncing the profits from his shares; Goering said he loved kids, too.)

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Caligutard Throws Back His Pisco Sour in a Drunken Display that Repulsed Heads of State at the the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Summit in Lima. Is Hitler's Banker's Grandson Celebrating His Incompetence with a Return to Spewing Public Drunkeness Like a Dimwitted Frat Boy?

Pathetic imbecile Caligutard is spending his last days as president in a state of alcoholic stupor, grabbing at the juice like the self-pitying, self-deluded sackless bag of emu shit he is, all the while cackling in twisted delight at the unfolding chaos around him. The repellent weasel-faced sadist is, however, such a bundle of righteous self-hatred it’s hard to interpret what set up this latest exhibition of public drunkeness.

Could it be he is burdened by some sense of responsibility for leading America to its doom, cratering the world economy and driving all of western civilization to cannibal anarchy? Nah. Down deep, he loves inflicting pain, death and destruction and, like all Republicans, he wants to feast on human flesh, the poorer and more desperate the victim, the better.

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Atrios points out that Little Tommy Friedman, age 7, might be in trouble:

General Growth Properties, the second largest mall owner in the U.S. behind Simon Property, has hired bankruptcy counsel …

From the WSJ: Mall Owner Lines Up Bankruptcy Law Firm (hat tip crispy&cole)

Debt-laden mall giant General Growth Properties Inc. has hired the law firm Sidley Austin as bankruptcy counsel … The move doesn’t mean a Chapter 11 filing is imminent.
…
The company, which owns more than 200 U.S. malls, has struggled to repay debt it amassed during an acquisition binge near the market’s peak.

Tommy Friedman, you see, is married to one of the heirs to the GGP fortune.

Give it another six months Tom.  Maybe things will get better.

from the Christian Science Monitor:

Vice President Cheney was in Laramie, Wyoming over the weekend (where his approval rating is still above freezing) stumping for Republican candidates when he announced his support for McCain.

That’s right – Dick Cheney.  The old curmudgeon surprised us again!  One day he’s shouting obscenities on the Senate floor, the next he’s running the country even though we never elected him president, and now he’s endorsing people who probably want nothing to do with him. With both the President and the Vice-President behind him, McCain cannot lose.  The amazing thing is that Obama then ran a negative ad about it that mocked the event.  He’s disparaging a sitting Veep because he hates America with the passion of a thousand French waiters.
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Sometimes there are flashes of decency over at the National Review. Rarely, but it happens. This is not one of those times:

Try as I might, I cannot really understand how even a minimum standard of voting security can be maintained when, as an Ohio judge did yesterday, you decide to let the homeless vote. If there is no address — how do you check whether someone has voted before or whether they are using a real name? I get that the judge is attempting to enable fraud on behalf of his campaign — but how does this pass even a minimum test of reasonableness?

Obviously. Jesus Himself would haul the homeless into Court and get a permanent injunction against their right to vote. You see, He was a hardass about stuff like that.

Oy.

Blogenfreude said yesterday that he doesn’t have the stomach for Free Republic. (Manchu said so too, as did everyone with a brain.) There’s a reason for this, per a posting on the “Obama’s Grandma Isn’t Really Sick” thread:

He has no birth certificate. And his grandmother will mysteriously die while he is there. You know she holds secrets that cannot be revealed……

“Here, Grandma, let me put this pillow over your head. Nice grandma”

And the whole “Andy Martin Knows Everything” train of thought(?) is present, as is the idea that he is just doing this to prevent criticism.

Oh dear. Looks like there will be another card-table with literature outside Geezer’s rallies. If you go, tell the “she’s totally faking it” crew that Chicago Bureau says (a) “hi” and (b) “fuck you.”