Apparently Gawker is changing its commenting system. Again. We know this, not because we read Gawker — it’s been a few years — but because the news reached some distant source that we follow these days.

So we dropped in to sample the anguished cries of the herd. Nothing worth compiling a list from, but the usual bewailing of Denton selling out because Gawker no longer publishes the linkbait that originally drew the reader to the site, and now publishes lesser-quality linkbait. None of which we recognized, because we were drawn to the high-quality linkbait that Gawker dumped in order to publish the utter crap that attracted its current readership.

And we had a star, muthafuckaz. Back when it meant something.

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What Ted Nugent said: “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

What New York magazine said Ted Nugent said: “So … Ted Nugent Threatened to Assassinate President Obama?”

What the Secret Service said to New York magazine about what New York magazine said Ted Nugent said: “We are aware of it, and we’ll conduct an appropriate follow up.”

What ThinkProgress said the Secret Service said to New York magazine about what New York magazine said Ted Nugent said: “The Secret Service Says They Are Investigating Ted Nugent’s Threatening Remarks Toward Obama”

What we said: Jesus Christ, folks, it’s only April.

“Too many of the so-called Tea Party groups are jerking off Mitt Romney.” —Judd Saul of Iowa’s Cedar Falls Tea Party. [Weigel]

“The dog loved it. He would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation. It was to me a kinder thing to bring him along than to leave him in the kennel for two weeks.” —Ann Romney, explaining the only two conceivable options for Seamus. [ABC]

Aside from the Inherent Mild Amusement to be gained from watching a Corgi being vacuumed, we’d like to note the position and behavior of said Corgi’s tongue.

We grew up with dogs; we see dogs every day outside the coffehouse; our parents still have a barrel-chested Husky who will crush you with his love.

Yet not once — not once — have we ever seen a dog whose tongue flaps like a Warner Bros. cartoon. It’s like moving to Sandy Eggo and discovering Dr. Suess trees in the wild. These things exist. And once again, reality trumps imagination.

[via WaPo]

A handy rule of thumb this year should be that whenever Mitt Romney says something bold, he’s probably said the opposite just as boldly. So, since we’re not quite finished with Mommy Wars, let’s have a look at Mitt’s 2010 campaign bio, No Apology:

Welfare without work erodes the spirit and the sense of self-worth of the recipient. And it conditions the children of nonworking parents to an indolent and unproductive life. Hardworking parents raise hardworking kids; we should recognize that the opposite is also true. The influence of the work habits of our parents and other adults around us as we grow up has lasting impact.

So: Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben and Craig? Daddy thinks you’re all fucking slackers. Blame Mommy.

Romney Book: ‘Nonworking Parents’ Produce ‘Indolent And Unproductive’ Children [ThinkProgress]

Are we done with this yet? No? “Even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work. And people said, ‘Well that’s heartless,’ and I said ‘No, no, I’m willing to spend more giving daycare to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost the state more providing that daycare, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.’” —Mitt Romney, January 4. [Boston Globe, via Political Wire]