Our guest columnist is theoretical physicist Ben Tippett.

In 1928, the late Francis Wayland Thurston published a scandalous manuscript in purport of warning the world of a global conspiracy of occultists. Among the documents he gathered to support his thesis was the personal account of a sailor by the name of Gustaf Johansen, describing an encounter with an extraordinary island. Johansen’s descriptions of his adventures upon the island are fantastic, and are often considered the most enigmatic (and therefore the highlight) of Thurston’s collection of documents.

We contend that all of the credible phenomena which Johansen described may be explained as being the observable consequences of a localized bubble of spacetime curvature. Many of his most incomprehensible statements (involving the geometry of the architecture, and variability of the location of the horizon) can therefore be said to have a unified underlying cause.

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“But the last-minute nature of the call for donations left some in the campaign concerned that they would end up with an empty truck. So the night before the event, campaign aides went to a local Wal-Mart and spent $5,000 on granola bars, canned food, and diapers to put on display while they waited for donations to come in, according to one staffer.” [BuzzFeed]

Henri the Existential Cat casts aspersions upon your banal frivolity.

[via Know Your Meme]

Stay classy, Mitt: “We’re counting on Ohio. I know the people of the Atlantic Coast are counting on Ohio and the rest of our states [for disaster-relief donations]. But I also think the people of the entire nation are counting on Ohio. Because my guess is — my guess is that if Ohio votes me in as president, I’ll be the next president of the United States.” [LAT]

Extra Special Deluxe Interactive Bonus: Cat Bounce!

[via Sully]

Our guest columnist joins a growing chorus of truthseekers who know that the government caused Hurricane Sandy.

You won’t believe your eyes when you see what this video reveals!!! Satellite and Radar captured Infrasonic Undulation, Chemtrails enmass and ChemDUMPING!!! Multiple weather system steering and super storm creation, right before your eyes!!!

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Please have a glass of water handy, because when Joss Whedon drops “Zombie Apocalypse”, you’ll want to do a spit take.