Rick Perry has fans

Ha ha.  Several Republican Governors are considering turning down the state funding from the stimulus package.   These American heroes don’t want to save their economies because it conflicts with their Conservative/Toddler ideology.  Instead, they are hoping to destroy their already piss poor economies, thus further embittering the voters in these poor, backwards, red-necked wonderlands.  Of course, the creation of more bitters only further helps the Republican Party, because if there’s anything we learned from the last election, it’s that the poor white bitter vote will win the election for the Republicans every time (Whoops Pennsylvania!)

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I’m trying to follow the logic behind statements like this:

It was a bad beginning because it wasn’t what we promised the American people — what President Obama promised the American people, that we would sit down together.

That’s Sarah Palin’s failed-VP choice, John McCain, on the stimulus bill and the state of the failed Obama presidency. It’s one of the many attacks Republicans have made against Obama because his bill failed to deliver on his bipartisan promise, because even though the bill was cut to please Republicans, and included a whole bunch of completely useless taxcuts, none of them voted for the package. Barry even invited those fuckers over to his house for beer, but apparently that didn’t count as sitting down together.  So, let’s impeach him, cut some taxes, and move the fuck on.  Read more »

David Ogden (that’s him in the picture, on the right), who President Obama has nominated to serve as deputy attorney general, is under fire from Republicans because, in the words of a former Bush Justice official:

Ogden has been an activist in support of a right to pornography, a right of abortion and the rights of homosexuals.

This is an extremely radical position of course, since the first two of those three things are rights we definitely already have. And even most of the Neanderthals who are against gay marriage use cryptic language about the sanctity of marriage instead of declaring themselves against “the rights of homosexuals.”  Read more »

According to Howard Fineman, the end has come for Obama’s wonderful honeymoon with America , during which everybody complacently let him do what he wanted, as long as he kept stimulating our parts with his beautiful unicorn horn, which was oh so much softer than we expected – due to his gentle touch – but still firm and penetrating when we needed it to be.

Anyway, as Obama was going out of his way to meet with Congressional Republicans about the stimulus package and be a cool dude about all this, Fineman was (correctly) claiming that Obama’s bipartisan support is failing.
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George W. Bush is still nominally the President for a few more days, and he is going to use his Presidential Powers to Mission Accomplish Barack Obama through a successful inauguration. The inauguration is happening, as it usually does, in Washington D.C..   Because Washington D.C. is full of poor black liberals and rich white gay liberals (just like New Orleans!), because it will be even fuller of poor and rich, black and white gay liberals during the inauguration, and because the inauguration means that George Bush will no longer be able to Accomplish Missions (except in regards to successfully filling his Presidential Library with 10000 copies of My Pet Goat), Bush is declaring a State of Emergency during the U.S. inauguration. Or it’s because he’s just helping out the city with some money. Either way, let the fun times begin!
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Australia, a country which is also an island, and incontinent, has refused to accept all of the Guantanamo convicts that we don’t want to release to the Middle East.  We don’t want to release them, of course, because we are suddenly and inexplicably concerned for their safety and happiness:

Washington has expressed concern that inmates released from Guantanamo could be tortured or persecuted if they are returned to their home countries.

As far as I know, Australia is a country full of convicts.  When you think of Australia,  picture Alcatraz, subtract Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery, multiply it by a million, make everyone talk with marbles in their mouths, and then substitute kangaroos for all of the prison guards.  Anywhere, now that Australia is not an option for our “freed” convicts, we’ll have to find someplace even more lawless for them, like International Waters, that island from Pirates of the Caribbean, outer space, or Las Vegas.

p.s. I’m writing this while awaiting a flight from Bangkok to Sydney.  Once there, I fully expect to be detained, processed, and sent to Cuba.

Canberra Rejects Guantanamo Cases [BBC]

President-Elect Barry, along with David Plouffe, whose name always makes me think that he should be a dessert filling, residing between two delicious pieces of angel food cake, won’t leave me alone.  I realize there’s this whole, “We got him elected, now the hard part starts. . .”  esprit, which is a good thing.  However, I will not give Barry any more of my money, at least for a little while.  Today’s offering is a coffee cup, which is Black, like coffee, like half of Barack Obama, and like Regis Philbin’s heart (trust me).  Purportedly, this money is for the DNC, so it can elect more black socialists two years from now.  But I think it’s for some inaugural ball Cristal, which is a drink that stereotypical rich black people drink (stereotypical normal black people drink Colt 45).  Anyway, please, Barry, can you refrain from asking me to give you $15 dollars for this admittedly classy coffee mug?  Just allow me to enjoy the decrepit American economy in peace, for a little while. [BarackObama.com]