Paladino is Bananas for Porn

GOP New York candidate for Governor “Carl Has Two Families” Paladino’s family, er families, values rant on Sunday in front of a crowd of Hasidic Jews got more attention at the time for his anti-gay diatribe, but at the speech he also said:

“We must stop pandering to the pornographers and the perverts who seek to target our children and destroy their lives.”

Well you all know what comes next.  Assume the position for the hypocrisy drill, boys and girls. Assume the position.  In light of Carl’s fixation on pornography and teh gheyz, WNYMedia, the news outlet that in April released the obscene (horsefucking) and racist emails that Paladino had sent to half of Buffalo, has now released eight different completely NSFW pornographic videos and photos that he sent to practically every prominent businessman or politician in Western New York.  NSFW after the jump.

They include:

1. A video of a young woman in pigtails engaging in sexual acts. Paladino wrote that the video is “awesome”.

2. A photo entitled “Russian Beauty” showing a woman masturbating and expressing breast milk onto a glass window and table.

3. A video of two young women engaging in lesbian sex.  Paladino wrote that the video is “awesome.”

4. A photo of a woman receiving a bikini wax, entitled, “I found my retirement job! xxx”

5. An email entitled, “squirter” depicting a male and female engaging in sex acts.

And finally, my favorite,

6. A video from “fistflush.com” of a woman engaging in sex acts with a bunch of bananas, entitled, “Chiquita Bananas…xxx careful”.

Now I am not a prude and enjoy a good sex scene when done right and intelligently, I just find a lot of porn idiotic (i.e. a woman sticking a bunch of bananas up her ass is funny, not erotic) and often times degrading to women.  But that’s not really the point. Instead, as Alan Bedenko, the Buffalo blogger who released the emails wrote:

You cannot claim that gay marriage will cheapen or harm the institution of marriage if you, yourself, have carried on an affair and fathered a child out of wedlock.

You cannot claim that you are opposed to pornography when your email inbox and outbox is so jam-packed with it.

You cannot claim the moral high ground whilst crawling through the gutter.

Happy Friday Night, Stinquers!

[WNYMedia: Paladino Porn SFW]
[WNYMedia: Paladino Porn NSFW]
94 Comments

Oh, damn. I gots no ride to DE for liquor. I need some C2H5OH for this post!

Mr. Bedenko is apparently unfamiliar with the last three decades of Republican behavior – I think they’ve pretty firmly established that, no matter how much moralizing they did before, an “I’m sorry you’re mad” apology is enough to paper things over with their supporters.

@redmanlaw: Alas, I cannot stream as I am restricted by the AT&T USAGE LIMIT FROM HELL on my dumbass interwebz stick. I watched two NOVA shows and used up half of my 5G limit in one day. Welcome to the bad old days of metered tubes.

Sumthin’ else JNOV can’t watch – the Original Chiquita Banana song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFDOI24RRAE

Cha cha cha.

And this cool live rendition of the “Mad Men” theme.
http://tv.gawker.com/5662210/watch-this-amazing-recreation-of-the-mad-men-theme-song

(The drummer is a lefty, btw).

I would comment on the above, but then I think about my own porn and wisely keep quiet.

Which is a skill Mr. Pallidino has not developed.

What mature adult sends porn to friends?

“You cannot claim the moral high ground whilst crawling through the gutter.”

Ha. Silly blogger. It’s the GOPer way.

@Tommmcatt Thinks Masturbation Can Also Involve The Mainstream Media: Come sit on my knee, and I’ll tell you a little story about The Old Days.

Once upon a time, in ’95 or ’96, all we had was dial up through this thing called a “land line.” A land line used to be connected to a telephone that was tethered to the wall by some type of cord. Some of these telephones had buttons that played music; others had spinning disks with finger-size holes. And at one time, you leased your telephone from Ma Bell. But that’s a story for another day.

It was a joyous occasion when my mother jacked an Apple computer that wasn’t a box with a slit for a floppy disk (you can wiki that one). It had a color screen! It also had a port for the phone tether (I think…). Memory fails, but there was this thing called a “Mo-dumb” that you could use if you didn’t mind unplugging the tethered telephone. I had an extra land line installed.

I convinced my institution of higher learning that I needed the school’s password so that I could have my magic box dial into the matrix. I learned how to send email through PINE, and I became addicted to MUDs.

Then this nifty thing called Netscape came along, and I turned my back on Apple for a Packard Bell (stop laughing). All of a sudden, I wasn’t watching one line of text appear every 30 seconds or so. There were PICTURES and shit!

There’s more to the story, but Immabout to see if Downstairs Dude will ride me to DE…

@ nojo: @SanFranLefty:

You had me at “assume the position.” Oh, haaaaay!

Look, he thought it was LEBANESE porn, which truly is the awesome. Imagine his shock and disgust when he went to his sent folder, clicked on the video links and saw what was really going on, over and over and over again, yet each time only lasting about seven minutes.

@¡Andrew!: That would be SFL. Adjust your filthy imagination accordingly.

@nojo: Can’t fault someone for wishful thinking.

TJ/ I hate sinus colds. I hate sinus colds that I got from kissing my female “friend” when I should have known better.

@ManchuCandidate: Heh. I have one, too. I think I caught it from some crusty vet at the VA. No, I didn’t kiss him.

The real question, Manchu, is whether the mistake was the infected kiss itself or the FwB status that led to the kiss.

@nojo and ¡Andrew!: That’s right, boys and girls, your Department of Lady-Bits correspondent popped her Stinque After Darque cherry tonight – my very first Friday night sexy-time post!

And now I’m spending my Friday night watching an old rerun of Willie Nelson on Larry King. I freaked out when I turned on the teevee because I saw the clip and thought “OMFG, is Willie okay????” because they only play the old episodes when someone dies…but from what I can tell from reviewing the tubez, the Red Headed Stranger still walks amongst us – I pray I’ll see him next week when I’m in Tejas.

@JNOV sing sin: No local ISP? I adore Galaxy Internet! w00t!

DSL for $20/month!

I am going to name my next cat Margarita.

@SanFranLefty: But so much more awesome that ladies making woopie on the family values scale.

@karen marie wants to know — Fucking integrity, how does it work?: Months ago I cut off the cable, etc. to save $ for Jr’s tuition. I was surfing off my neighbors’ wifi (with permission) until, well, some stupid shit went down, and they changed the password. Seriously, I can’t even afford $9.95 for Netflix. I just upgraded my dongle, but I initially bought it for travel only. I must look into this Galaxy thing.

ADD: Oh, DSL — that requires a land line. Ain’t got no land line, baby!

@FlyingChainSaw: The fact that it exists?

I get to vote on this jackass. I drive past lawn signs. I’m afraid to leave the house.

@FlyingChainSaw: Naw. It’s this fucking stick shoved in my USB port.

Construction? Gay bars? This guy has got to have mob connections.

Plus. This porn of which you speak, you can see that on a computer?

@Snorri Haraldsson: Only if you peek between your fingers and don’t have metered fucking internet!

Or you can use Download Helper and steal from Fleshbot…

@JNOV sing sin:
Mostly from part A and a little from part B.

@ManchuCandidate: Well, I hope you got more than a kiss and a sinus infection from that encounter. Next time you risk your health for a little TLC, you might as well play through it with a jimmy hat.

@JNOV sing sin:
Hey now. All I got was the sinus cold and a kiss as I just met her for dinner–no booty call.

I always use a jimmy hat, but unfortunately there are no such things as sinus condoms. ;-)

@ManchuCandidate: ;-)

ADD: You might know — was it Digital Underground who started singing about jimmy hats? I remember Lisa Left Eye Lopes stuck one on her glasses, but I think another hip hop group started with the safe sex thing. Can’t remember who…

@ManchuCandidate: Oh, so “hanging out” was actually dinner. Okay. (The edit button only works on the screen — many times I’ve wished it worked on the mind.) ;-P

@JNOV sing sin:
I’m not a total sleaze. Just a partial one.

Hell, I’m not even sure if we’re just FwB anymore either (which can be really bad, too.)

@ManchuCandidate: Oh, it was Salt-n-Pepa, Let’s Talk About Sex

Diff song:

Salt-n-Pepa came here to tell ya,
let’s get laid…

@ManchuCandidate: Who called you a sleaze? I live in a glass house, my friend.

So, she’s you’re GF or your No Friend or you’ve moved into Weird Relationship Land? Weird Relationship Land sucks. If Prince were on the tubes, I’d link you to one of his best songs, Strange Relationship.

If the kiss was sucky, trust me, you won’t be able to train her to kiss how you like.

@JNOV sing sin: He he, glad to see you back, you were gone for too long, and you, JNOV, are one of the founding voices of this place, who set the tone, when you are away, its not right.

@JNOV sing sin:
I called myself a sleaze. I seem to morph into my mom and get all hyper critical about myself. It’s just the way I am sometimes.

Yeah, I think I’m now in Weird Relationship Land. Huzzah (not really.)

What do you call a Hispanic outreach event with no Hispanics? I just came back from one. The only brown people there were running for office.

@ManchuCandidate: I’m a total sleaze, just now, old and married, there is nothing left but memories of sleazedom, no more fun for me. The fondest memory, the butt-lift, you tug at the pants, but, if she pushes the butt down, to confine movement, oh, despair, but, if she lifts her butt, just that inch, so you can tug the pants down, oh, the ecstasy of that moment. The exquisite tingling tension of that moment, when you don’t know if she will do the butt-lift that means nirvana, thats something sadly missing from married sex.

@Promnight: I love you, Prommie. If I set any sort of tone, I’m sure it’s off key. ;-)

@ManchuCandidate: I know. It’ll work itself out. It’s just the process that sucks. That, “Oh, shit! What have I done?” thing. That’s always a scary place for me.

Uh, I think the Nyquil just kicked in and I’m going to pass out in a few moments. Night.

@ManchuCandidate: Night. Feel better! I guess you all Up There still have the real Nyquil. Our formula has been changed thanks to the fucking tweakers blowing up trailers in the desert.

@JNOV sing sin: Oh haiiii, if you’re still awake, go check out the heeee-larious story I have for y’all in the sandbox. You especially will enjoy it. Plus I have a question for you w/r/t New Jersey law.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Speaking of brown people, you too will enjoy it.

Fucking teabagging cunts of the world piss me off.

@SanFranLefty: On my way — and I have that pic of Jr. He wants me to post it there.

@ManchuCandidate: morphing into one’s own mom is a strange feeling. i did that myself today, whining to my best friend that he doesn’t contact me anymore. i feel gross now; probably won’t go to sleep tonight.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Help me, Jamie, I need your wise Sport and Texas Liberal advice. I’m so torn. I hate the fucking Yankees. With a fiery passion from the depths of hell. But I hate Shrub even more, and his taint is all over the Rangers (I’ve always been an Astros girl).

What to do? Besides cheer for the Giants, naturally?

@SanFranLefty: The only thing to do, is to root against whichever team that the people you hate root for. Thats my method.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Jamie, I don’t know how old you are, but I am nearing 50, and what is horrifying me, is I have turned into my dad, physically, I didn’t look like him when I was young, he was old, and I was young, now, I am the man I remember as my dad when I was a kid, I am scared, I never thought I would be old, I hate it.

@SanFranLefty: I know how you feel. I have felt on the horns of a dilemma myself, especially since I’ve never had occasion to root against the Big Puma in my life.

After much consideration, I have decided to root for the Rangers unless or until they reach the World Series. I will welcome them to the fraternity of the pennant but they are not permitted a Title until after the Astros have won one.

Also, if I allowed my politics to interfere with my enjoyment of Sport, I would have to stop watching altogether. All those owners are douchebags. Dubya’s just the most obvious.

ETA: Nolan Ryan. ‘Nuff said.

@SanFranLefty: Oh. The Giants. We’re bringing it here, huh? I do like Lincecum, but, you know. I guess it’s time to change my avatar.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I do the self-check which really isn’t a self-check — I ask my kid. So far, so good.

@Promnight: I’ve always looked like my mom, at least that’s what people have always said to me. Today’s conversation was really tough because, just as I became aware of the Freaky Friday switch, my friend said I sounded like his mom. Ugh. He stuck the knife in deep with that one.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: My hatred of the Yankees burns with such a pure flame that *of course* I’ll have to cheer for the Rangers in this round. I will be shocked if the Giants get past the Phillies (is that enough, JNOV?) and if the Rangers get past New York, especially after tonight’s clusterfuck, and so I have resigned myself to Yankees v. Phillies World Cup in which case I’ll be on Team JNOV, but if it is Rangers v. Giants, it might pose more of a dilemma, in which case the current residence plus W element will make it easier to go for the Giants. That and because the Giants have the greatest collection of freaks ever seen on one baseball team.

Has anyone ever noticed that the morbid love tone of some of Wordsworth’s poems, is the beginning of a tradition which led to the dead teenager songs of the 50s (last kiss) and on to the Cure and the Smiths dead or comatose girfriend songs?

WTF. I don’t know, my mind is a carnival, shit like this is always streaming through, welcome to my nightmare.

@SanFranLefty: Interesting. I think the Giant Ones are going to win, in which case, I’ll be Team Steroids Géants!

@SanFranLefty: “…the Giants have the greatest collection of freaks ever seen on one baseball team.”

To wit, from the JNOV rag of record:

Baseball’s stats pages show that the San Francisco Giants led all of major league baseball in team ERA (3.36) strikeouts (1,331) and saves (57) and gave up the fewest hits (1,279).

And although no stats are kept for theatrical props, the Giants are unofficially baseball’s leaders in that category, too.

“You’ve got the Timmy [Lincecum] wigs, the Pablo Sandoval [“Kung Fu Panda”] hats, and now the new beards,” Giants closer Brian Wilson said. “Everybody’s got their own identity out there, and it’s close to Halloween, so it’s perfect.”

Inspired by Wilson’s black-dyed lumberjack-style beard, those “new beards” are a product of the Giants “Fear the Beard” rallying cry. Some Giants fans are growing out their facial hair Wilson-style, while others are wearing fake ones. “Fear the Beard” T-shirts are selling briskly and lighting up online auctions (an eBay search produced 69 items).

[snip]
Even before the beard, Wilson appeared to be someone whose life ambition was to fit in.

He’s had a mohawk that snakes down the back of his cap for years. And in this year’s All-Star Game, he made a splash wearing bright, orange cleats he eventually had to partially color with a black marker after baseball complained they didn’t fit the Giants color pattern.

How can you not love a team where their chants are:
“Fear! The! Beard!”
“Let-Timmy-Smoke”
“Pannnn-daaaaaa”
“Bus-Ter-Poh-Seee”

/off to change my gravatar

From baseball to football(ish):

Dick Pix. Do those ever work? What is the thinking there?

@SanFranLefty: Man, that is NOT our rag of record. That’s our rag of, um, people who don’t read so good. THIS is from our rag of record. Don’t forget to vote!

@JNOV: Barry’s been gone for a couple of years. Timmy looks nervous in the ESPN interview, the managers really should let him spark a bowl before Game 1. Oh, and refresh your cache. This will be a long week (or five days) for everyone else! :)

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Can I have an amen, sister, amirite? I think it proves that women are not as visual as men. I’m sorry, but a fuzzy photo of a turgid dong with a pair of Crocs in the background, just isn’t going to make me turn on, nor make me express breast milk on a sliding glass door, or express much of anything other than a Nelson Muntz “hah-hah!”

@SanFranLefty: Just saw it! SO AWESOME! The stench of Bonds will follow the Giants forevah and evah and evah. And he is an asshole. I love the As and would sneak out to afternoon games when I lived in FSM’s Country.

@SanFranLefty: Dude. You can buy the shirt! And props to celebstoner.com for just being.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Line from the live 30 Rock last night: Kenneth (with a sheaf of messages) “A ‘Mr. Favor’ came by and left you a picture of a hot dog.”

@JNOV: Being that my folks were on the BIA Relocation Program (git the Indians off the rez and teach them a trade) in San Fran, and my dad was a huge Giants fan when we were living there and Redwood City in the early 60s, and (c) because I was born there, I’m for the Leftys in the post season.

@SanFranLefty: I like Bonds precisely because he was (a) great and (b) an asshole, sort of a late career Miles Davis, who was never shy about dropping a fuck y’all on everyone.

@SanFranLefty: @JNOV: But you usually can’t see the herpes or the crabs in the picture.

@redmanlaw: Saw that. I took me a full minute before I understood what he was talking about.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Read more deadspin. I posted that shit here a week ago.

@redmanlaw: O rly?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: You can’t see the herpes or the crabs at dinner, at the movies, or in the dark, either. Let’s just say a nice kawk (that’s my accent kicking in) shot (solicited of course — the unsolicited ones are just rude unless you’ve seen it already IRL — there are rules) can get a guy closer to the goal.

@JNOV: Now they’re selling the Timmmaaay shirt that says “FUCK YEAH” because that was his response on live national teevee when they beat the Padres and he was asked by the reporter if he was ready for a champagne celebration. The big controversy is that security won’t let anyone in to the ballpark wearing a FUCK YEAH t-shirt.

Mr. SFL grew up an A’s fan, enjoyed many a Dead show there too. But now he lives in Ess Eff, and more importantly, the Giants totally embrace the Dead and host an annual Jerry Garcia Day on Jerry’s birthday (which we went to, natch, got a great contact high) and sell Giants paraphernalia that has integrated the Dead logo. Ergo, Mr. SFL is now a Giants fan. Though if it were an A’s v. Giants game, I’m sure he’d still cheer for the A’s.

@SanFranLefty: And, they pioneered the use of sabermetrics, no?

@SanFranLefty: Yeah. The As were our team, and I think there’s some sort of history to their colors. Something links them to when they were in Philly, and so on. It was a Battle of the Brains question or whatever that thing was called.

When the Phillies take the field Saturday night to a sold-out, towel-waving crowd in South Philadelphia, they will continue a major-league record. Five Phillies – Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Carlos Ruiz, and Shane Victorino – have each started in 33 consecutive postseason games, the longest such streak for five players on any one team. Another, Jayson Werth, has started 32 straight in the postseason.

We’ve got all kinda record setting going on in this state commonwealth besides having the team with the most losing seasons in a row evah. What is it now? 18? Meh. Who’s counting?

@JNOV: Are you talking about the Stillers or the Pirates?

I am totally fascinated to be able to see two chicks discussing the merits of dick pics, thank you, as a dude, its rare to be let in the chick clubhouse. Isn’t it strange, its kinda accepted, dudes like the visual, dudes like the porn, so apparently, dudes think that sending a nice, close-up dick pic will turn a girl on, because most dudes are clueless, and think, that a chick would like the same thing they would like.

But there is no such thing as the opposite, is there, chicks don’t ever just broadcast close-up pussy pics, ever, its not done, there is no word for it, like “dick pic,” its not even in the realm of possibility.

And just BTW, I mean, how can any intelligent human ever like, throw a naked pic of themself out there on spec? By which I mean, OK, if someone I know and deeply trust, which would be my wife and noone else, asked me to send a naked pic, a dick pic, I would, but to send one out to someone you don’t even know, in the hope that the picture of your glorious cock will be so enticing, thats fucking stupid beyond words.

The phenomenon of the dick pic is not remarkable because dudes will send pic of their dicks, its remarkable that dudes are so deluded, that they would send un-asked for dick pics, to people they hardly know. Thats so astoundingly stupid.

@SanFranLefty: Les Pirates du Lac Erie. Ou du Canal Erie. I’m still not sure how pirates ended up in PA. Ninjas are welcome. Pirates, not so much.

@Promnight: I don’t know how many women receive dick pics. I can only speak for myself. Back when we were at TCP, I told you guys how I received one at work, right? Shocked the shit out of me. Yes, yes, I’d seen it before, but still. Out of the blue, a dick with waxed balls appeared on my Blackberry. I stifled a scream.

But women are visual, too. And women do send out various forms of pics. Who was that news anchor that was sending pics of herself to that athlete ESPN guy? Alicia Lane? I’m sure she sent more than the reported photos of her in a bikini.

I don’t think men and women are as different as you think. I think there are men who would never, ever send out a dick pic just as there are women who would never, ever send out any hoohah pics. And then there are those who will under certain circumstances, and there are those who will drop trou at the drop of a hat. As with all things, there’s a spectrum, a range. Nothing wrong with that.

I was kidding when I said there were rules. There aren’t any rules. When someone does something you don’t like, you let them know it’s not cool. I wasn’t upset that [redacted] sent me a dick pic. I was quite surprised, but I thought it was funny. I wasn’t offended.

ADD: Also know that I went to a college where a professor held optional classes at his home where he taught in the nude. Students could be clothed or naked. Some parents attended. He said that we’re not comfortable enough with our bodies, and we need to get over it.

I was dared by my classmates to ask a professor if there was any truth to the story that the school once held naked classes. The one I asked was frequently seen naked in the co-ed sauna, so we assumed he was the one. I took the dare; he answered my question. It wasn’t him. If they still held naked classes when I was there, I probably would have gone to one just because.

@JNOV:
Oh JNOV.

Strange to see Roy in Red.

/goes and clutches Roy Halladay JAYS Rookie Card and sobs a little/

@Promnight:

Kahk shawts are like kurrency on certain mens’ websites (Manhunt, Adam4Adam, Craigslist M4M, et al). The rules are a bit different (nonexistent?) in gay world. It’s a bit beyond me, as I’m a much more private person and don’t even use any FaceSpaces. But then again, male or female, straight or gay, it seems like these days everyone is a porn $tar. I just don’t get why guys like Favre & Tiger Woods need to…uh, advertise, since it seems like they’d be receiving invitations for sexxxytime left and right.

Anyhowzle, Bill Maher covers this topic heelariously.

New Rule: If a woman rejects your first dozen advances, don’t up the ante by sending her a picture of your penis. This week, we found out that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre allegedly tried to get with a young woman by sending her MySpace messages, voicemails, and notes through a friend, and when none of that worked, and it was third and long — though, not as long as most of us would have imagined — he decided to throw the Hail Mary and sext her pictures of Little Brett to close the deal. Brett, I get it: Your dictionary doesn’t include the word “quit” or “retire” or “married” but you’ve got to at least understand “punt.” You know the worst part about having sex with Brett Favre? He keeps saying he’s finished, and then he comes back to drag it out for another year.

@Promnight: This. Exactly. I’d be more likely to drop panties if some guy emailed me a really awesome brief he drafted or a video of him solving a calculus problem.

But a cawk shot? Meh. Everyone’s got one of them. Doesn’t mean he knows how to use it properly.

@ManchuCandidate: I’m sorry. I looked for another picture to use, but I couldn’t find one where he doesn’t look happy in red. He’s happy! That should make you happy! His uniform matches that itchy-looking facial hair! Happy happy joy joy!

All kidding aside, I hope you’re feeling better.

@JNOV sing sin: Oh, yes, it does require a land line — but that’s the beauty of Galaxy — they can supply the land line! When I switched from dialup with them to DSL, I switched my land line from Verizon to Galaxy. Galaxy charges something like $2/month for it, whereas Verizon charged $35/month.

My total bill for DSL and landline is under $25.

@karen marie wants to know — Fucking integrity, how does it work?: Blargh. No Galaxy available for me. Comcast and Verizon are the only players. No Roadrunner. No nuthin’ else. Pfft.

I’m now trying to find a place to watch the game. There’s one icky bar about a mile from here. Guess I’ll be headed that way. On foot. I tell ya, life ain’t easy sometimes. I do believe I will be able to smoke inside said bar, so that’s a plus!

@Promnight: Did you ever notice how threatening and conlicted the Alice In Wonderland/Through the Looking-Glass books are? It’s creepy if you pay attention.

@JNOV: Are you sure there’s no small, local ISP in your area? That blows my mind.

@Karen Marie: we didn’t even get cable TV in this area until the late 80s. Pay for play, baby. Pay for play.

@Promnight: I didn’t read “Alice” until I discovered that 60s rock band in college that sang “White Rabbit”. Then I just took it as an allegory for hallucination, and enjoyed the ride.

Add a Comment
Please log in or register to post a comment