https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGhnuHx2NNc

Yesterday, in an important policy speech, House Minority Leader John Boehn—

Oh, fuck it. Really: Fuck. It. It doesn’t matter. We can no longer care. Not when we’re haunted by visions of Sheryll at every turn, imploring us with her searching brown eyes to throw away our worldly concerns and just dance, dance, dammit! Dance like there’s still a future where you, and I, and fucking little dogs who don’t understand that we’re working can flourish in a world without creepy orange-faced undertakers insisting that we take them seriously when they can’t even do basic math.

A world filled with hope, and dreams, and… Blue shag carpets. But without the spikes. Because they rip our clothes off. And then Sheryll punishes us.

Look out JNOV, the City of Philadelphia is demanding that all bloggers based in the City of Brotherly Love hock up $300 a year for the privilege of writing a blog – even if the blog makes no money.

[Philadelphia CityPaper: Pay Up]

 Quick, five Stinque points and a chocolate cookie for the first stinquer to point out what’s so amusing about this article:

LINK

(Via Roger Ailes ..no, not that Roger Ailes)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxMYIH2z2BA

Our afternoon guest dance instructor is Spike.

I really need Justin Bieber to watch this. I know if he sees it he will help me get discovered so I can make a difference. If you do this entire dance YOU WILL IMPROVE YOUR FITNESS! Thanks to all my fans out there and sorry that Sheryll wouldn’t cooperate with me. She has a mind of her own.

-Love, Spike

[Eyeball-searing tip via karen marie]

We told you about the Nice USDA Lady — oops, never mind, already ran that riff — anyway, Shirley Sherrod announced today she won’t be taking the Hastily Created Substitute Job. But she announced it at a press conference with Tom Vilsack, so no hard feelings, okay? [WaPo]

[ Comedy Central Flash video not available. ]

Last January, we told you about—

Hold on. Can we tell you about how much we hate it when websites pull that passive-aggressive evening news “we told you about” shit? Especially respectable websites like TPM, which should be above that sort of fucking annoying self-promotion? We get it. You reported the story. You probably weren’t even the first to report the story. Even if you were, somebody else may have told us about it. It’s not like we’re still growing up in a town with one newspaper, two TV stations, and no cable. And if the sad local afternoon cartoon host didn’t tell us about it, we didn’t hear about it anyway.

But we digress.

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Here at Stinque World Domination Headquarters, our editorial team enjoys lively debates late into the evening over which of the Grave Issues Facing Our Republic deserves the prestigious recognition of leading off our publishing day. After a shortlist of finalists is chosen, we send our loyal pack of free-range feral interns off into the vast reaches of cyberspace for extensive research into each topic, gathering the evidence that our award-winning shadowy cabal needs to determine which story is fit to survive the dawn, and which instead will be fed into our anonymous chain-email operation for eventual inclusion at Snopes.com. Then, and only then, does our Obscenely Wealthy Publisher’s nephew finally sit down to compose the golden prose that will run over his uncle’s signature.

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