The Dog Stays in The Picture

Yesterday, in an important policy speech, House Minority Leader John Boehn—

Oh, fuck it. Really: Fuck. It. It doesn’t matter. We can no longer care. Not when we’re haunted by visions of Sheryll at every turn, imploring us with her searching brown eyes to throw away our worldly concerns and just dance, dance, dammit! Dance like there’s still a future where you, and I, and fucking little dogs who don’t understand that we’re working can flourish in a world without creepy orange-faced undertakers insisting that we take them seriously when they can’t even do basic math.

A world filled with hope, and dreams, and… Blue shag carpets. But without the spikes. Because they rip our clothes off. And then Sheryll punishes us.


OK. The morning shift logging on and noticing that our own dear noje seems to be developing an obsession with modern dance. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Spike and Cheryl are the Leave Britney Alone! of our generation. They have together shown us a world where teacup Yorkies can make a difference. I stand corrected re the spelling of Sheryl. Why would I think that noje had not done his legwork? I see that ‘Sh’ is indeed the authorized version.

I must also add that it all makes me deeply uneasy. Anyone who’s ever darkened a stage feels himself to be no better than this poor lad from time to time. Whether or not it is a fake is stirring a growing controversy. I choose to believe it’s real. I need to have some dreams left in my life. Sheryl gives me hope.

why do they always have to begin with a shot of his pudgy crotch?

I bet you can do a better worm than he can

@Capt Howdy: why do they always have to begin with a shot of his pudgy crotch Indeed. Spiker needs to invest in a dance belt.

My worm is awesome, thank you.

which would result in something like this but far more disturbing.

I would say that would be more of a goal than an expectation.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: I think he aspires to that blessed state. Which is why he wears the chastity ring given to him by his pastor (pause while we all raise our eyebrows) till he finds the right woman. So don’t be throwing yourselves at him, ladeez. You aint gonna git none till you put a ring on it.


(1) Yellow Cab in Chicago announces that Pam Geller ads on top of its taxis are coming down. Good.

(2) Guy from Upstate New York got into a NYC cab last night and asked driver if he was a Muslim. Cabbie, unfortunately, said yes. Fare then immediately stabbed the cabbie in the neck, according to NY Daily News. Cabbie survives, stabber arrested.

(But Sarah Palin’s popular and loves America, so everything will be JUST FINE. And you people were worried that this would get out of control. Ha!)

@Benedick: Do you get to put the new ring on a different protuberance?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Sheryll is the dog. Don’t let her hear you say that.

@Walking Still: That was my first question: exactly where did the pastor place this ‘chastity’ ring. And did it require lube?

@chicago bureau: I am retreating entirely into fantasy. I can’t deal with stabbed cabbies right now. Which is why I will now limit myself to the kicking cripples aspect of Spiker and his tormentor Sheryl.

@Benedick: I think “Sheryll with a S and two Ls” will become the “Liza with a Z” of the 21st Century.

Do you suppose Spike wears his swim trunks under his clothes when he goes to a party in case there’s dancing?

Are dance floors commonly carpeted in Minnesota? Or does he bring a piece of shag when he goes clubbing?

Inquiring minds wanna know.

@karen marie: Do we think that Spike ever goes to parties? Apart from those happening in his own head. Or with Sheryll and the treadmill? (I’m up to speed with the spelling issues)

However, it seems only reasonable that he should come prepared as I’m sure that he is often asked to perform at weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Minnesota does kind of go together with shag carpeting in my mind. I once went dancing at that club in Minneapolis once favored by the Artist Known as Ponce (don’t judge me) which had extensive shag carpeting in shades of orange and gold.

/Uncanny Valley TJ/

The honeymoon is over for me with Next Media–they got Blago’s hair all wrong.

“Put your tongue out and call it the thecksee push.”

Also a great conversation starter.

Do we have any operatithes in Minnethota? Thombody’s gotta join hith crew.

@Benedick: Whether or not it is a fake is stirring a growing controversy.

Well, the Coens have been known to do that — Fargo’s “true story” was anything but.

My take is that it’s a lot harder to fake something like this than people think. Even Tosh couldn’t crack the kid whose mom took away the video game.

@nojo: They admitted a fake. Spiker, I think, is real. The hallucinatory scene of him with the lights and treadmill plus Sheryll is too authentically banal to be faked. Plus his relationship with the dog is very particular. I’m just hoping I’m not reading his obit soon when he offs himself over the comments posted at his life-affirming vids.

Unless of course he’s Borat.

@¡Andrew!: I want to go there just to be part of it. I also want a pair of those shorts to wear around the house. And maybe to wear to the Grand Union.

@Benedick: One thing I like about the kid is that he’s beyond shame. I honestly don’t think snarky comments will get to him. They’ll just make him stronger.

@SanFranLefty: See, that’s one thing I have never understood. Isn’t Liza always spelled with a Z?

Do some people pronounce L-I-S-A “lie-za”? Or spell “Lisa” with a Z instead of an S?

@¡Andrew!: That’s the beauty of it — he’s looking to start an internet dance crew. You don’t have to be in Minnesota at all!

When are we going to see your dance video, Andrew?

Is it just me or is he thinner in this video.

He’s been working on this fitness.

@nojo: I’m a little afraid we are mocking someone with a mild case of Asberger’s Syndrome.

@Tommmcatt Cannot Be Arsed To Think About Sharon Angle: Gently mocking. Or what passes for gentle around here.

And never mind the rest of the Internet.

I can’t just point, and laugh, and finish my cappucino. I think the kid’s a hero. Really. He doesn’t care how the rest of us regard him. He has his dreams, and that’s that.

Sheryll, on the other hand… Keep an eye on that bitch. She’s dangerous.

@Tommmcatt Cannot Be Arsed To Think About Sharon Angle: Is it just me or is he thinner in this video. It’s you. Also… He does remind me of the son of one of my oldest friends who was arrested in the parking lot of a DQ for acting out the entire Scarecrow song from WoO, complete with costume and props.

@karen marie: It’s a lyric. It rhymes. That is all.

@nojo: I heart Sheryll.

@Benedick: acting out the entire Scarecrow song from WoO, complete with costume and props.

Oh, come now. Who among us hasn’t done that?

@nojo: In a Cincinnati DQ parking lot? In daylight? Sober?

@Benedick: Okay, fine. In the woods. At night. Tripping. I’m a wimp.

@nojo: I thought the sober aspect might prove problematic. Plus, did the cops escort you home to your mortified mother?

@Benedick: I’m not sure my mother is capable of mortification. At the very least, I’ve never put her up to it.

@Benedick: @TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: @karen marie: @nojo: I have not watched a single one of these videos, so remain blissfully unaware of who “Sheryll” or “Spike” is. And I intend to remain that way. Well, at least until I get back to chez Nabisco Friday night and (stage shrieks) open up my new iFad!. Which I will immediately jailbreak so that I can have Flash on it.

However, I was not unaware of the cabbie story. Fuckwits.

@Nabisco: NO! I must have the only iPad on the site. I must be special.

And Flash? Really? You sure? Positive? I’m quite happy without it.

@nojo: And Flash? Really? You sure? Positive? I’m quite happy without it. I finally jailbroke my fon, and I get those little flashy things loading – but it has not improved my browsing experience. The hack (and the unlock) will allow me to use a local SIM card in my fon when I’m in notTibet.

@Nabisco: Spike is the dog. Sheryll is this guy’s girlfriend who shoots the guy in the second video when she discovers him trying to stuff the dog up his ass. It’s great.

@Nabisco: If yer talkin’ 3G, I’m not sure the iPad is locked like the iPhone. But mine’s just wiffy, so I don’t know how that works.

@Nabisco: You’ll be sorry when you end up with an expensive brick. Never forget: Jobs hates you.

@JNOV: Steve Jobs is a great man who knows what we want and need better than we know ourselves.

@JNOV: Gates, too. Granted, the permabans in the link provided are far more justifiable than bricking someone’s new toy over a little homebrew. The whole story about how those guys got a hold of Halo: Reach in the first place is kind of interesting, too.

The short version: someone thought it’d be a good idea to let journalists download advanced copies of the new Halo game over the Xbox Live Marketplace, as opposed to simply sending physical copies to their doorsteps. The catch is that the game was visible (though unavailable for purchase) to everyone who had an account. So all the modders had to do was figure out a way to trick the system into thinking they were authorized journalists.

@JNOVjr: So all the modders had to do was figure out a way to trick the system into thinking they were authorized journalists.

First time I’ve heard Rupert called a “modder”.

@nojo: Haha, snip snap. I have to admit, though, that one took me a second to get. Probably a sign that it’s past my bedtime.

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