Virginia is Not For Breast-Lovers

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, when not suing the federal government over health care reform, demanding President Obama’s birth certificate, or saying LGBTQ state employees are not protected by anti-discrimination laws, recently found the time to take a stance for decency in fashion.

Cuccinelli was shocked – nay, stunned – that the Seal of the Commonwealth of Virginia, which dates from 1776, features the Roman Goddess Virtus (virtue) standing in victory over Tyrannis (tyranny) in a lovely blue one-shoulder number.  No doubt, due to the exertion in defeating Tyranny, her left breast has popped out of her robe. Those Founding Fathers were such perverts!

Taking a stance for modesty and against Colonial Virginia’s porn (and perhaps one-shouldered dresses?), Cuccinelli took time out of his busy schedule to have a more modest version of the seal created for his state agency.

The new seal, distributed to deputy attorneys general to wear as their identifying pin, has pulled Virtus’s frock up to change her ensemble to look more like a regular sleeveless top or a breastplate. He’s also chosen a red skirt instead of the one-piece outfit she was wearing before. I don’t approve of the red-and-blue combo, what say you, Stinque fashionistas?  I don’t know why he didn’t just go full-burqa. (ED: Apologies for the image quality – will update with a better one when it’s available).

University of Virginia political science professor Larry Sabato told the Virginian-Pilot that “when you ask to be ridiculed, it usually happens. And it will happen here, nationally.” Stinque is glad to do its part to help, Professor Sabato.

The state Attorney General’s office did not return calls from the Stinque Department of Lady-Bits to find out if Cuccinelli’s next stance for morality will be an initiative to change the name of the Commonwealth from Virginia to something less sexually-charged.

And forget about that “Virginia is for Lovers” tourism campaign. Virginia is only for missionary-style sex with the purpose of procreation now.  Get those prostate massages out of here!

But what is it with these evangelical attorneys general and being scared of the Roman goddess’s boobies? Take a step in the way-back machine to 2002 before John Ashcroft had DOJ spend 8 grand on drapes to cover the Spirit of Justice, because he didn’t like having his picture taken in front of her.

Insert your own hiding justice during the Bush Administration joke here.

[Virginian-Pilot: Cuccinelli opts for more modest seal]
[USA Today: Justice Dept. Covers Partially Nude Statue]

I don’t know but that the new “virtue” doesn’t look like a male warrior standing athwart the unwashed.

OK. You stinquers blessed with a vagina teach me what is it about the left breast? Isn’t this the breast the Amazons (no connection to online bookmart) were reputed to cut off? Is there a connection? What does it mean? Any penile members of the clan with interesting theories and/or information (lookin’ at you, prom. get off the boat and get on the case) can also get in on the discussion.

TOW sez it was the right breast for the Amazons, but that may be an ancient urban legend.

@al2o3cr: Thanks. I seem now to remember that from Amazon history class. So. Yet another conspiracy theory bites the dust.

@al2o3cr: Hippocrates? I thought it had something to do with shooting arrows.

He covered up the breast but left the giant dildo she’s holding in her left hand? Obviously a Republican. The armor makes her more androgynous, plus now the guy on the ground appears to be turned over onto his stomach with “her” foot right above his rump. Dr Freud, to the bridge.

The Amazons and removing/stunting right breast thing is probably apocryphal. Unless their reach was freakin’ enormous (a physical difficulty, regardless of gender), a bow string doesn’t really impinge on either breast. Lots of two-breasted archers will confirm this, in large part by remaining two-breasted archers.

Ashcroft’s motive was jealousy–his skin was sagging, but the Spirit of Justice wasn’t.

As for the revised Virginia seal, it appears that Tyrannis is looking up Virtus’s skirt. Purely accidental, I’m sure.

@Mistress Cynica: I’m with you. I didn’t want to say it, but he turned Virtue into a boy.
@IanJ: Since one of my girl-crushes (Geena Davis) is a big archer, I’ve always wanted to try it. Learning to paint was my 2010 New Year’s resolution, maybe learning to use an arch-and-bow can be my 2011 resolution. (And Geena Davis has boobies – two of them, in fact)

@SanFranLefty: I took archery for a quarter in college (we had to do 4 quarters of PE and I’d already taken all the dance classes). It was kinda fun, and didn’t require breaking a sweat, but needless to say, I sucked. I much prefer shooting targets with a pistol.

This is just the first step toward re-masculinizing the Amazon. Long overdue, in my opinion.

@SanFranLefty: Virtue has always been a boy–That is, until I’m done with him.

(A boy of legal age, I hope it goes without saying, but there, I said it.)

Cuccinelli obvsly has a fem-dom fetish. I think the Virgin state employees now have a case for harassing environment.

@Benedick: @al2o3cr: The Wikipedias say that the cut-off right breast was always covered. I guess the uncovered/uncut left boobie was left uncovered to distract the Romans, Greeks, and Jeebus-lovin’ evangelicals as the right arm smashed around with the knife/sword/arrow?

And then there’s Liberty’s nip slip, but she’s French.

@PedonatorUSA: Cuccinelli obvsly has a fem-dom fetish

Not that there’s anything wrong with that! As long as he keeps it out of the office.

@Benedick: I was told by my massage therapist, when I asked why his left nipple was pierced as opposed to his right, that it signaled to potential bottoms he was a Top.

Related: In a turn that shocked absolutely nobody, ReichsministerAttorney General Cuccinelli has started a witch hunt about global warming.

Exactly how many more years of this fuckstick do we have to put up with before *he* can run for governor like he obviously really, really wants to?

@nojo: Yes, archery, if you’re right handed…

ADD: So the legend goes. That archery shit it hard. But I’m left handed and was forced to fail at it right handed.

@al2o3cr: Virginia governors can’t serve consecutive terms, so, uh, three?

@JNOV: When I was a kid we dispensed entirely with the bow and arrow, and went straight for the homemade spear gun that shot a dowel rod tipped with a nail. Hunted each other in the woods wearing three layers of clothing. I’m lucky I grew up survived childhood.

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