Yes, kids — it’s Derby Day again!  And as is tradition, we have for you the Kentucky Derby Open Thread.  Because it can’t be all ecological disasters and Republican dumbfuckery and totally-random traffic stops in Phoenix here at Stinque.  After all: degenerate gambling, especially on Sport, is what makes America great.  (That, and the Bill of Rights and the ample amounts of food and  the national parks and all that.)

Handicapping this is a total mess, because the track is… a total mess.  Rain — lots of it — hit Louisville overnight, and is forecast to continue.  My best guess at it is Super Saver, Devil May Care (a lady horse!) and American Lion (4-11-7 on your picksheets).  But with the usual twenty-horse field, it’s a total guess.  (Dartboards, oddly enough, have twenty divisions, which are numbered for your convenience.  Have at it.)

Post time at 1828 ET.  Fire away.


Screw the horses. What are the drinks?

I’m going with Fancy Britches though I hear that Pestorker is good in the back stretch.

I refuse to speak to my husband about any of this fuckery and I will not look at the screen. Whenever, in a fit of matrimonial weakness, I allow myself to be talked into snuggling over the Bravia some horse or other fractures both its forelocks and has to be shot practically before its head hits the turf.

Can’t be any worse than NCAA B-Ball tourney.

Mumbles *Fucking Kansas*

I love how NBC stretches a two-minute race into three hours of programming.

@nojo: Like this is different from the rest of Sport because…?

TJ/. At a “boycott Arizona” rally in San Diego. Rowdy as fuck. There’s a police line protecting teabaggers. Some of these dudes look like gang bangers (which is awesome and completely hot). Muslms, gays, puppies, grandmas. Si se puede! Pictures and more later.

@JNOV: Don’t remind me. Didn’t sleep for a week.

PS. Tell Jr it’s past his bedtime.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Can we re-brand them as ‘freebaggers’? As in freeloaders + teabaggers?

Do I spend too much time on the intertubes?

All rise for the Degenerate Gambler National Anthem —

(doo-doo-doot doot doot, doo-doo-doot, doo-doo-doo-doooooot)

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Shakespeare’s Pub. Name your time.

Or just drop by the Batcave. I only have two beers in the fridge, however.

The track looks awful, but the sun just came out a while back. Maybe firms it up a bit, but not so you’d notice.

One of the horsies “likes a sloppy track.” As do we all.

Oh, and the glare off of the puddles of mud is going to be blinding. Should be interesting. LOAD ‘EM UP!


BO-RAIL! Again! That guy. That freakin’ guy.

Whoa, who’s that horse who snuck into second?

Never mind the owner and jockey — interview the horse. He did the work.

@nojo — who snuck into second? The one that spoiled my exacta bet. That’s who. Looks like my betting breaks even, though.

4 to win — PAYS $18:$2
11 to win — nope
4-7-11 exacta box — nope
4-7-11 trifecta box — nope
Total result — loss of $7 on $52 total wagered. Not awful.

John Ensign is looking happy today.

Just me, but I loves me some Calvin Borel.

OK. Horsey go bang. But who was that man with the appalling toupee jumping up and down at the end? He surely must have won a prize for something? Most egregious use of Dynel? Oh and plus, I think I just saw the first hummingbird of the season. So not a complete waste of time. The OH is now busy consulting form. Le sigh.

Snoopy on the MetLife Blimp: Doesn’t he always get shot down?

@Benedick: That toupee just won a $100k bet. Although it would have made a better clip if he lost.

@nojo: Maybe now he can afford a better rug.

Benedick: Guy w/wig won a promotion that gave him a freeroll on a $100k win bet. He picked the winner and, with that, $900k. Yummy.

And now everyone breaks into the Ascot number on the stand.

@nojo: I was once in the Ascot number as Pickering. I played him younger and hunky. It was totes fab. You should have been there.

@Benedick: @JNOV: I can’t even watch races live anymore because of that. I watch the replay after I’m sure all the horsies are OK.

@Benedick: Did you mistake it for Equus and play it naked?

OT: anyone else notice how much more joyful the pro-migrantes rallies are than, say, the teabaggers’? Dancing and cute Latinas; could be Sabado Gigante!

@nojo: I detest that play. It is so stupid it isn’t even funny. It is the only play during which I have ever managed to fall asleep. I saw its first (dazzling, thank you John Dexter) production in London and thought it crap then and it did not go up in my estimation when I was asked to audition for it and was then not cast. The only play worse than Equus is Amadeus, a play of such staggering putridity that is only surpassed by The Loyal Hunt of the Sun. Watching paint dry is more interesting.

There is no boredom like the boredom of being trapped in a theatre witnessing the oeuvre of the Schaffer twin who did not write Sleuth.

@Mistress Cynica: Followed by Junk Mail and Fake Republican Census Form.

@JNOV: @Benedick: @Mistress Cynica: I’m glad to know you are fellow mourners for Barbaro. Molly Ivins died right around the time Barbaro was euthanized – two splendid creatures gone, leaving us poorer.

@lynnlightfoot: I burst into tears every time I think of Barbaro. I will never watch a horse race live again.

Viva las fillies!

@SanFranLefty: I did watch the Derby today but it’s the first time I’ve watched a horse race since the Preakness that did for Barbaro. (Not that I’ve watched many horse races in my life, but I did happen to watch the Derby that Barbaro won and fell in love with him and eagerly awaited seeing him win the Preakness. JNOV called it “heartbreaking,” exactly the right word for what happened.)

I haven’t told you yet how excellent I think your posts are. Thanks for them, and for your comments too, as always.


GAH! Noje, I just saw this. I spent my Sunday brunching with my mother and a bunch of middle-aged queens, but I totally would have made time for you! So sorry!

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment