A Bailout You Can Get Behind

First it was the banks. Then Fannie and Freddie. Then AIG.  Then Shittybank. Then the automakers. Then the former millionaires created by Bernard Madoff. Then CRE.  And now?  Larry Flynt.

Turns out that even this vice industry — which has weathered many other economic downturns — has gone limp under Bush. Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and Hustler magazing publisher Larry Flynt have asked Congress for a $5 billion bailout, arguing that their industry is also one of the “nation’s most important businesses“.

I can’t even begin to speculate who the next supplicant will be.

And I can’t wait to hear David Vitter’s floor speech.

Porn Industry Goes Limp: Seeks $5 Billion Federal Injection [Think Progress]

Finally, a chance to fund that Ann Coulter movie.

If porn needs a bailout, we’re in very deep doo-doo indeed.

Dodgerblue: I respectfully dissent.

First of all, I think Ann is incapable of performance. Given her frame, any amount of thrusting, insertion, etc. would likely break bones. I’m not into that.

Secondly, Ann in a porno? Ewww ewww ewww.

@chicago bureau: I dunno, what if it’s a bondage porno, with like ball gags? Ann in a porn isn’t hot, but Ann shutting up for a second? Boner city.

@chicago bureau: I’m interested in knowing what genitalia, if any, she has. Maybe we can just stop there.

Now that I think about it, the title should have been “A Bailout You Can Get Behind”.

@Dodgerblue: Just make it a 5 minute strip-tease video. Done. The surprise comes at the end!

@Mistress Cynica: If you read the article, it turns out that no, porn doesn’t need a bailout, they just thought they’d stick their hands out since the gov’t seems to be tossing around money indiscriminately.

Dodgerblue sez: “I’m interested in knowing what genitalia, if any, she has. Maybe we can just stop there.”

I agree with Dodgerblue here. I therefore beg to move that any further discussion of Ann Coulter’s involvement in a pornographic film be barred, for it is entirely too creepy. Even for us.

[ADD: Wait. Debate on this motion would necessarily include discussion of Ms. (?) Coulter’s participation in such films. Crap. Screw it. Motion withdrawn. Chatter away about ball gags, equipment on board the good ship Coulter, etc.]

@chicago bureau: “I’m interested in knowing what genitalia, if any, she has. ” That’s easy, it’s a tiny little face of Ronald Reagan.

@ManchuCandidate: you mean the orange puma lady on the wonk didn’t do that already?

@chicago bureau:

Come on, you know the genitalia thing was like waving a red flag to a bull….

@IanJ: Marketing suggests The Crying Sack of Shit Game, but we’ve told them we need more options.

@Jamie Sommers:

Okay, storytime.

Back in the day I worked with a clever, if slutty, gay bartender by the name of Winston in NYC. One day he was being condescended to by a group of NYU film students at the bar- and if you have ever been condescended to by a bunch of art school fags, you know what a shitty experience it is. So Winston, never one to just take shit, waits for the appropriate lull in the heated conversation about film styles, drops in the following-

“You know what my favorite film genre is? Snuff Films. The only problem with them is that the stars are always such flash-in-the-pans”

-then flounces into the back room like he was impersonating Debbie Reynolds.

I nearly fell into my washwater laughing. I dunno if he stole the line from someplace, but the timing was perfect….

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Indeed, her birth name is Vagina Dentata. That was before she dyed it.


She does a great Senior Wences imitation if there is room for her to stand on her head.

@chicago bureau: She’d be perfect for a donkey fuck show. With her long limbs, she could grip the animal’s belly, her head face-up between his front legs, and swing back and forth on his member.

@Benedick: Naw, she got her vagina dentata kicked out in a bar fight years ago, and replaced them with a grill. Man, I should be updating wikipedia with this stuff.

Can we please stop discussing Mr. Coulter’s genitalia?

@blogenfreude: Not until we attract some trolls. Feuds are good for business.

@nojo: I’m scared to find out who trolls for the key words “Ann Coulter AND genitalia AND ball gag”

@SanFranLefty: “AND Team Sarah AND puma AND hey you dried-up bitches come here and say it to our face”.

Something like that. It’s not fair that Jim gets all the fun.

@blogenfreude: “Can we please stop discussing Mr. Coulter’s genitalia?” = Post Of The Year (POTY) candidate.

Crikey. Can’t we all just get along? And love us all for our hole self?

Sounds like a cue for us all to play our original cast recording of Jesus Christ Superstar. (Why is there no comma in that title?)

BTW. A Bailout You Can Get Behind… and Then Ram Home.

@Dodgerblue: What he said.

“I can’t even begin to speculate who the next supplicant will be.”

Oh, God, someone please bail me out.

@fupduk: Makes me think of D.I.S.H.E.S.

Acronym for Determined Involved Supermodels Helping to End Suffering.

That is true. I swear to god. I swear on my dogs I am not making that up.

Supermodels. Suffering. Such as.

Sadly I remember that, but I didn’t pay attention to what they were saying… Shallow I know.

@ManchuCandidate: To End Suffering, dude! Suffering!!!111!!

That is like rainbows and unicorns. And recreational drugs and bulimia.

I am so going to go and eat dinner and stop posting. Lobster salad. Deal with it, bichez!

/TJ for Kuleeforneeya Stinquers & journos/

Marc Cooper has a fascinating vivisection of the LA Weekly, and really, the current state of the newsmedia. (I can’t believe I read the whole thing! Warning: It’s like 5 million words. He calls it an autopsy, but the LA Weekly is technically still alive, so isn’t it really a vivisection?)

Anyway, I remember picking up a copy of the LA Weekly in 2006 and thinking “this is what people went on and on about in the 90s?”

The comments were equally enlightening, especially:

“If Capitalism is supposed to let ideas fight it out; why do rich companies take a loss providing a less popular, right wing product to communities that obviously want something more to the left? Why does Washington D.C., the most liberal city in the country, offer its citizens a choice between a center right newspaper and a far right newspaper, even as people stop reading newspapers? Aren’t there any rich liberals who want to buy the Weekly and make money on it?”

Someone really oughta do a full scale version of this analysis on a national scale. (Of course, I guess the problem is whether anyone would read it.)


@Dodgerblue: I stole “Mr. Coulter” from Jesus’ General, so I think it’s disqualified.

@Original Andrew: Darling, you should lie back and think of François Sagat. Uh huh. You need to have him at your beck and call doing whatever you want having done such heroic service to the cause. I salute you. Uh huh.


Oddly enough, it was a gay bar called “Rome”. It was closed some time ago…this was in the mid-nineties.


Mmmmm… François Sagat… ahhhgggghhhlldroolll….

I am working on the menu for the Sunday before the Inauguration of Hopey.

I can’t just serve one main course, I am thinking I am going to make three different main courses and serve family style, set them out on the table.

One will be lobster rissotto. That I think I must do. If you like Lobster and risotto it will make you come.

One will be a braised meat dish. Lamb shanks, in a north-african-mediterranean style? Cooked with tomato, cumin, saffron, leeks, and white beans ?

Then, I don’t know, I think something light would be good, a thai cold shrimp salad? Or a cajun seafood ettoufe’?

Lump crabmeat served atop a cold spicy gazpacho? Braised shortribs in burgundy? Tuna Tartare napoleans? Cheese and jalapeno puffs stuffed with curried shrimp?

And by the way, I am sure Coulter has a perfectly serviceable vagina. She is a world class asshole, but denying her feminity on the grounds a nasty abrasive asshole cannot be a woman, thats, well, its sexism, its uncool. Look at me being all PC. But really. And besides, there is the hate-fuck scenario.

May I direct everyone’s attention to the latest post – I found us a PUMA.

@Promnight: If you are inviting a large and diverse crowd, it is an event-planner’s best practice to include one vegetarian option and good decaf.

@FlyingChainSaw: FCS, you should have an advice column, the rude guide to ettiquette would be a working title, I don’t see anyone occupying that niche, since O’Rourke’s Modern Manners and that mostly unknown classic by the author of Borstal Boy, whose name, and the title of the book I love so much, escape me right now. Brendan Behan, thats it.

You’re all in rare form tonight. I love you all more than I can say!

@Promnight: Seriously, ask any conference planner. Since this crowd looks like it eats and drinks anything it can get its hands on, you can omit asking about allergies or special dietetic observances that need to be accommodated.

Did we actually make it through a run of vicious Ann Coulter jokes without anyone slapping us on the wrist?

I like this place.

@nojo: The refs are just letting us play the game.

@FlyingChainSaw: @Promnight: FCS, Prommie is hosting Stinquers. I hope that if any of us have weird food issues we’ll hold them to the side. For example, I’m overjoyed to see that veal is not being discussed because I have some philosophical issues with calves in boxes. But if he had said that he was serving a veal shank I would eat it with abandon. A friend of mine who works for an international aid agency was in Africa with two young annoying hipster girls and they were in a village in Ghana and the chiefs were going to slaughter a lamb in their honor. These girls had been driving my friend batty the whole trip because they were neurotic vegans with food “allergies” (i.e. I’m allergic to beans because they make me fart, not real allergies) and my friend apparently reemed them a new asshole in this village and told them that she didn’t care if they were served the lamb’s brain, they were going to STFU and smile and eat since they were in a village of emaciated Ghanians who ate meat once every two years.

Oh so back to the dinner. I like the tasting menu idea although it seems to create more work for you Prommie. What time should Nabisco and JNOV and I show up to start being your galley slaves/sous chefs?

Your lobster risotto yes, without a doubt, I’ve read about it before.

The braised meat sounds good with the cold weather, though that might put me in a coma.

Your other options all sound great too, and I agree that you need a palate cleanser: Thai shrimp salad, lump crabmeat, tuna tartare. I’m so sad that Jersey tomatoes are out of season. Think local to the extent possible, I’m in favor of that.

So who else is coming? We have JNOV and Nabisco? New York crew taking the bus?

Y’all are too too much with the Coulter-banging. I mean, too much is never enough. I honed in on this post for my semi-monthly comment because, hey, a porn bailout is really, for real, something I could get behind.

@Benedick: This is why supermodels are A-O-K with me. They’re always trying to save us, and for that they should be commended.

@SanFranLefty: There’s a German restaurant in DC, perhaps you know it, Cafe Mozart, in the lobby of the building where my sister works, and since I studied abroad in Germany she thought it might be fun if we ate lunch there one day. We both ordered the Huehner Schnitzel, which is chicken (Huhn, hen, they’re cognates, right?), but twenty minutes later our server returned with one Huehner Schnitzel and one Wiener Schnitzel. My sister only eats fish and fowl, and we’d already blown through most of the lunch hour by then, so I figured, why not? First and only experience with veal, and, though it tasted just fine, will probably be the last.

@mellbell: Next time you bite into a Wiener Schnitzel, think of the cotton cage it lives in for most of its short, restricted, constricted life, unable to move about and express its inherent optimistic rectitude, thwarted at nearly every turn, yearning for release. Think about how much better the Wiener would be if it could fly and be free.

Then think of the suffering lambs, yeah, do that!

@nojo: I wasn’t joking. Coulter’s physiology makes her the perfect donkey fuck. I should talk to her agent.

@Pedonator: well that’s a hell of a return, Mr. Pedo!

@fupduk: One of my favorite Onion articles ever. And of course this.

You people are KILLING me today. I am so pissed that my job is kicking my ass and keeping me from joining in. Porn and PUMAS and Ann Coulter’s mangina. I feel like I have so much to contribute.

@SanFranLefty: I think my calling is to be the lovable drunk uncle who shows up once in a while with (sometimes, I hope) witty but not necessarily apropos comments. He’s got a new gig that takes all his attention but he wants to stay in the game, without any big investment. Kinda like the cool, somewhat distant Father. Or the strong silent type. Yeah, that’s me. I’m Steve McQueen.

@homofascist: I like to think Ann Coulter’s mangina is open 24/7, so no worries, it’s always there when you’re ready for it.

@Promnight: I read Borstal Boy. I think Behan drank himself to death at a relatively young age.

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