While McCain’s latest ad is being noted for going back to the “celebrity” well, what catches our eye are the two money shots illustrating his energy plan: a majestic midday view of an offshore drilling platform, plus a dramatic perspective of the cooling tower of a nuclear power plant.

What? No?

John McCain ad again questions ‘celebrity’ Barack Obama’s leadership credentials [LAT]

Greyhound has scrapped an advertising campaign that extolled the relaxing effects of bus travel after a passenger was accused of repeatedly stabbing and then beheading a traveler in the next seat while their bus was on a desolate stretch of highway in Manitoba last week. (AP)

“Cancel that ad now or heads will roll!”

A man who wore press credentials and took photographs from a platform interrupted Barack Obama’s town-hall meeting Tuesday by shouting complaints that the Democratic presidential candidate had not called for the audience to say the Pledge of Allegiance. (AP)

I was returning home with my family from a ski trip when suddenly the brakes gave out on the steep mountain road. After narrowly missing two oncoming cars, I lost control and we plunged over a cliff, rolling six or seven times before landing in a fiery explosion. I’ll never forget to say the Pledge again.
— Joe R., Medford, Ore.

The one day I forgot to say the Pledge was the day my house collapsed under a falling jet engine. Learned my lesson!
— Beverly D., Indianapolis, Ind.

Just for kicks, I tried saying “Underwear” instead of “Under God”. Three prostate surgeries and a bankruptcy later, I’m now eating leftovers from the Dumpster behind the Olive Garden.
— Richard H., Biloxi, Miss.

Despite my best effort to suppress it, midway through I let out this honker of a sneeze. I’m still dealing with the whiplash lawsuits from everyone spinning their heads to glare at me.
— Susan M., Casper, Wy.

It’s only words? You wouldn’t say that if you had been abducted by aliens, subjected to anal probes, your organs harvested for the Feast of Interstellar Conquest, implanted with the seed of Gzymidranopoz, and given birth to the Xyzznothan Lord of Darkness, all in twenty-seven minutes.
— William J., Sparks, Nev.

Honest to gosh I try, but whenever I say “with liberty and justice for all,” Dick slaps me upside the head.
— George B., Washington, D.C.

Man heckles Obama about Pledge of Allegiance [AP]

McCain started his week with a visit to the National Label Co. in Lafayette Hill, Pa. The 97-year-old, family owned business makes labels for an array of products, from medicines such as Tylenol to shampoos in the Suave family. (AP)

Try New GEEZEX!

WARNING: GEEZEX (fuckus republicanus) is intended for the relief of fear due to change. GEEZEX is not for everyone. Clinical studies have shown GEEZEX to be ineffective against outbreaks of Paultardia and Huckapox. Do not take GEEZEX when driving or operating heavy machinery, as loss of consciousness may occur when exposed to prolonged dosages. Do not take GEEZEX in combination with conscience inhibitors, as Rovian Dysentery may result. Side effects may include shortness of temper, electoral dysfunction, explosive diarrhea, and dark nights of the soul. Ask your pastor whether GEEZEX is right for you.

Netflix member “NA 937504” on camp trash classic The Toxic Avenger:

If you were to shove a cherry bomb up a brain damaged gorilla’s can, give him a camera, and the resources to shoot a film — this is what you would end up with.

No, no, no — that’s a negative review. The good ones recommend filming the gorilla.

• June 4, addressing AIPAC:
  “Jerusalem will remain the capital of Israel, and it must remain undivided.”
• June 26, on DC v. Heller:
  “I have always believed that the Second Amendment protects the right of individuals to bear arms, but I also identify with the need for crime-ravaged communities to save their children from the violence that plagues our streets through common-sense, effective safety measures. The Supreme Court has now endorsed that view.”
• July 1, on expanding “faith-based” programs:
  “Make no mistake, as someone who used to teach constitutional law, I believe deeply in the separation of church and state, but I don’t believe this partnership will endanger that idea.”
• July 10, on FISA:
  “Senator Obama has said before that the compromise bill is not perfect,” his campaign said in a statement. “Given the choice between voting for an improved yet imperfect bill, and losing important surveillance tools, Senator Obama chose to support the FISA compromise.”
• August 1, on offshore drilling:
  “If we can come up with a genuine, bipartisan compromise in which I have to accept some things I don’t like, or the Democrats have to accept some things that they don’t like, in exchange for moving us in the direction of energy independence, than that’s something I’m open to.”

Damn those nuanced positions. They’re really starting to mess with our head.

Obama’s Shift on Drilling [WaPo]

Bank teller Robin Davis was simply minding her own business one day when the Lord deposited $10,304 to her account. But when she tried to withdraw $1,500 of it, God forgot to countersign the cashier’s check.

And now He’s acting like He doesn’t even know her.

A Sumter, South Carolina, jury convicted Davis of fraud Friday, despite her insistence that the adjustment was literally a gift from God. Her lawyer plans to appeal, on the apparent grounds that Jehovah failed to answer a summons to explain why He used her bank ID and password to grace her financial status.

But prosecutor Catherine Fant hinted she already has that Witness on ice. “If God would have given you the money and blessed you,” said Fant, “he wouldn’t have framed you.”

Ex-teller found guilty of bank fraud [Sumter Item]