Well, the Sotomayor hearings start tomorrow.  For those of you dear readers who have yet to scan the list of actors to search for the man or woman who is most likely to bring the crazy, we present the following viewer’s guide.

But also: if you are having trouble heckling at a moment of great stupidity, from home or office, we — as a service to you — have included some helpful suggestions.

And now… introducing… the key players in the drama that is to unfold.

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Remember Professor William Jacobson (cradled above)?  He won Stinque’s Bad Law Professor of the Week Award. He flipped out over Barack Obama’s choice of mustard.  And now, he reveals that only he knows why The Left has problems with Sarah Palin.

It’s our hatred of one thing, and one thing only.

Trig.

A Douchebag of the Day award might be in this guy’s future.

After the jump, the 54-page DOMA motion to dismiss from the Obama Justice Department. Please note, we cannot be responsible for bashing your head against your monitor.

Obama defends DOMA in federal court. Says banning gay marriage is good for the federal budget. Invokes incest and marrying children. [AmericaBlog]

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Right wing commentators from Rush Limbaugh to Newt Gingrich to Tom Tancredo have gone out to their way to label Judge Sonia Sotomayor a Hispanic racist, basing their assessment on one sentence taken out of context from a larger speech.

“I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

Conservatives like Limbaugh and Gingrich have used this one sentence to claim that Sotomayor is a Hispanic supremacist who thinks that a Latina can interpret the U.S. Constitution better than a white male. Once seen in the broader context of Sotomayor’s remarks, however, it is clear that she is, in fact, making this claim only for cases involving discrimination against women and Hispanics (a far less controversial stance).

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Wow:

Former U.S. solicitor general Theodore B. Olson and David Boies, who argued opposite each other in Bush v. Gore, are now teaming up to “represent two same-sex couples filing suit after being denied marriage licenses because of Proposition 8. Their suit, to be filed in U.S. District Court in California, calls for an injunction against the proposition, allowing immediate reinstatement of marriage rights for same-sex couples.” The American Foundation for Equal Rights, which is leading the case, notes that it is the first time that Olson and Boies have “served alongside each other as co-counsel.” “For a long time I’ve personally felt that we are doing a grave injustice for people throughout this country by denying equality to gay and lesbian individuals,” Olson told The Advocate in an interview. A copy of the 10-page complaint is here.

And I was sure Ted Olson was a complete douchebag.  I’ve learned something new.

Ted Olson to Team Up With Bush v. Gore Foe to Challenge Prop. 8 in Federal Court [Think Progress]

AFER Press Conference (video)

Update: Courtesy of SanFranLefty, here’s the motion for preliminary injunction (pdf).

This is William A. Jacobson. He is an Associate Clinical Professor of Law at Cornell Law School and Director of its Securities Law Clinic. He has his own blog, and he also blogs at one of the most unhinged wingnut sites on the internet – The American Thinker. And he is obsessed with Barack Obama’s choice of … mustard:

NBC’s regular news reported Obama’s order as follows: “”I’m going to have a basic cheddar cheese burger, medium well, with mustard,” Obama said. “Do you have spicy mustard? I’ll take that.”

Actually, the quote was “you got a spicy mustard or something like that, or a Dijon mustard, something like that” (at 0.55 of the unedited video below without [Andrea] Mitchell’s talkover).

Obama ordered his burger with DIJON MUSTARD! Bet he had to seek John Kerry’s counsel on that.

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NBC is citing multiple sources saying David Souter will retire from the Supreme Court, following rumors that he wasn’t hiring clerks for the fall. Souter himself is not confirming.

(Update, 1 a.m.: Despite everyone running with the story, he’s still not confirming. No word yet whether TV crews are gathering on his lawn. But let’s give credit to Nina Totenberg for being first to click Send.)

Supreme Court Justice Souter To Retire [NPR]